Why am I so depressed all the time?

Question

I'm 18..still young and been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I feel emotionally drained all the time...I cry for no reason at all. I feel suicidal 24/7....I go to work each day..then come home and just chat with people online..I have no life..and when i try to make one for myself...it seems the past i've tried so hard to run and get away from keeps dragging me down. I mean for a while i was doing good. However it seems that whenever things start to look up for me..that's when something inside snaps..and I start to regress again..I'm so confused..lost and lonely..I need someone I can trust and confide in..someone who will lend an ear to me. I can't seem to find that either though. My parents well they are always working..and never around..same with my brothers. I mean i work as well. And my friends i've basically lost contact with them..and have become anti-social.. I can't sleep for crap at night..nothing seems to matter anymore..What's wrong with me? I want to just end it all!!

Answer 1

XXXXXXXXXXXX you are only 18. You have so much to look forward to in the future. I think having to work and pay bills has been a drain on your psyche. I truely understand your logic but I think you are always looking at the glass as being half empty instead of half full. When there is no social life, no best friend, no boyfriend, all work and no play many people think as you do especially the first few years out of high school. This was a hard time for me also. Actually, I had it ever harder than you. I ran away from home as soon as I finished high school. Had a one way ticket on a Grayhound bus from New Orleans and went all the way to California with seven dollars in my pocket. Talk about scared. I didn't know anyone west of Baton Rouge and went all the way across the country running away from myself. I say, myself because I got into a lot of trouble as a kid. Not drinking or drugs or anything like that. Boy trouble. I just couldn't stay away from this particular guy and that got me to having beatings all the time. I figured the only way I'd stop sneaking around with this guy and stop getting hit when I came home was not to go home at all so I planned for almost a year to runaway. I was in dream land when I first went to Hollywood. I was free, no parents, no one to tell me who to sneak around with, when to come and go and how long to be out. I walked around Hollywood Boulevard that first day as if I was queen of the world. Like a kid in the candy shop. But when night came, reality set in. All the shops closed and there was no where else to go. I was lost and alone. I didn't have enough money for a hotel room, I hadn't eaten for two days because I was afraid to spend the seven dollars and I was cold and tired and really, really scared. The worst thing is when depression set in and I started crying. Poor me. But then I came to my senses. As long as I sit there, on the corner at a bus stop crying in my own sorrow nothing was happening to change that. I remember every bus that passed the corner where I sat, stopped and the doors opened. I looked at the driver all puppy eyed which told them I had no intention to catch the bus so they closed the door and pulled away. I'd watch them disappear into the darkness the tears were rolling. Traffic went from a steady roll to a slow crawl as the night progressed. I wished someone would have stoped and gave me a ride, somewhere, anywhere. But no one stopped. I was alone. I started walking and trying my darnest to figure out how I was going to get out of that situation. I couldn't phone my parents. I had no friends to call. Far off in the distance I saw a blinking sign. YMCA. I remember the song by the Villiage People. I anxiously walked over to the Y. There I was told rooms were more than I could afford but they also has bungalos for, you guessed it, seven dollars a night. I remember, it was a huge, old, creeking building with hundreds of beds inside. It was dark and a bit smelly but to me it was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen and I jumped so quickly in that bed I was asleep before my head it the so called pillow. The next morning I decided that was the day I was going to proof to everyone that I can survive. I found a newspaper someone left on a bus bench on Sunset Boulevard. There was an ad for an actress, it read, no experience, so I decided to call. I asked a stranger for phone money and hours later went on the audition. I immediately recognized the man who was questioning me as an actor I'd seen in old western movies movies years ago. It turned out to be that he was Cornel Wilde. He was now Directing. When he found out I had no experience he told me to go back to New Orleans and "learn creole songs". I took that sarcastically but at heart. When I left his office I continued reading the newspaper and saw an ad for a live-in housekeeper and babysitter. I call and was picked up on Hollywood Boulevard for the interview. It turned out to be the wife of a well know Director. She hired me right away. I hadn't forgot about the interview with Mr. Wilde so I also joined an acting school in Los Angeles to prove to him that I could act. It was the Theatre of Performing Arts. I went to classes on weekends and paid for them with my housekeeping money. I got work quickly is a Coca Cola Cmmercial with a singer named Ray Parker Jr. (Ghost Busters), then worked in a movie with Linda Blair, several episodes of the tv sho It's a Living with Ann Jillian, a feature film, Full Moon High, and several other small parts. I was called to work in the movie Beastmaster when I wrote to Mr. Wilde to tell him that I had worked and got paid pretty good as an actress. He wrote me a letter and appologized and after that, I didn't go on the call for Beastmaster because I was only doing it to proof him wrong, that I didn't need to go back to New Orleans and "sing creole songs. In short, this proved that no matter how low you are, life can turn around. But no one can do it but you. You have to take the first step. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 2

It is very tough to be a young adult.
I have a 14 and 20 year old right now.

First thing I will say to you is DO NOT think of hurting yourself. Please. This is never an answer to solve anything. Sure things can be crap - but there are people in hospitals that would give anything to have a family, have a job, have a chance to be something. You DO have a future. You seem bright, sensitive and you know what is going on. The fact you are able to write your issue is a good sign. Friends are nice - but they do not define you. Your parents do not, your family does not. They simply give you the tools and hands, arms and legs to succeed. You have talents. I am sure by typing the note and the words used - you are pretty smart. Think about doing something for someone else. Maybe you should go visit a shelter or join habitat for humanity - at least you can find someone that will benefit from your life and your talents. If you can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich you can save someones life.

I wish I could be there to give you a reasuring hug. Think of this as an e-hug. If you have a school counselor - I would ask them if they have any special projects you could assist with. You need to get involved with things that you can change the world yourself. Your note finds you a victim - you need to take charge to not become this victim.

Bless you and I hope this works out. I added you to the 360 Yahoo if you want to chat more.....bye for now.

Answer 3

We are young....thats whats wrong with our society everyone thinks that we have to have all the answes right now! you dont need to, relax take a breather and maybe take a solo vacation to a little resort or the mountains. Backup from all the negativity and surround yourself around positive people, you need some support right now. Chances are the friends you lost contact with are dying to hear from you again- so be brave inhale and give them a call! Sometimes family isnt the answer because they cant give you a different perspective. However i would definatley call a doctor like a counselor i mean! these people are a little wierd but they will help, and good luck life can be enjoyable!

Answer 4

Hey beautiful. Cheer up! You are a very smart kid. We all have snaps, and regress. But I'm sure you will be able to gather the strenghth you need to pull yourself out.
Your parents work a lot, and I'm sure they love you and have not a clue of what is going on with you. Talk to the one you feel you are most in synch. I'm sure that althou they are full of responsibilities, they will stop and listen. If they don't, don't do anything drastic to call their attention, simply tell them that you need help now, not later.

If they can't understand, go to your local church. I attend the Methodist Church. There are youth groups, filled with activities, and voluntary work. At first you will find the love and support you need, but then you will find joy being involved in activities in which you know you can help others. Like working with children, working for poor communities, reading to the elderlies, etc. Volunteering and being useful to those who need most will give a lot of sense of joy and pride.

Being 18 is very confusing. You are learning to be an adult. Enjoy life, 18 comes and goes really fast. Be passionate with what you like and dislike. Try different things, paint, do ceramics, dance, whatever you have never done before, or to the ones you did when younger and that you had fun doing. You will find different friends in different activities, and you will find something new within yourself. Don't give up, OK. God loves you too much, remember that always, even thou it seems he's not around, he is. Keep smiling, OK, you will learn to find happiness within yourself.

Trust me, I know.

Answer 5

I don't quite know how to answer this, but I will tell you that I started feeling that way when I was 10, which was awful because I was still a kid..I would come home from school and lock myself in my room and turn on some music, I had no friends outside of school and everything and everybody irritated me..I never did anything that involved physical activity( pretty much anything that made me get off the couch). so my mom took me to a psycologist and she found that i suffer from depression ( which is hereditary, my mom and grandma have it).. my doctor put me on anti depressants..I am 16 now and i am more outgoing than i have ever been, i have friends, I never sit, and the only time I am in my room is when I go to bed( the pills also help me sleep)..so don't give up..tell your doctor how you feel, they might be ablt to prescribe something for you!! Good luck!!

Answer 6

i send you a if you a heart -felt hug if will accept it. you are at the age that people feel suicidal the most.here's what i saw yesterday
a squirrel picked up a tic tac box i had left on an old ironing board outside and sniffed it turned it around sniffed it again then bit one part of the top off then sniffed it again then bit the other half of the top off and licked it inside then looked in it and saw for sure there was nothing in it and put it aside i am glad that i got past the suicidal years and got to see that.try sipping fennel juice or get mug wort herb, or St. John's wort. You matter very much don't throw yourself away. color with crayons get some clay and become one with the earth again grow a plant

Answer 7

Do something off the wall, something out of the ordinary. There must be something you've always been interested in, but never put any effort towards. Do so now, even if it cost some money and time. When you've decided what it is, just throw yourself into it. Get in volved with it, get excited about it and enjoy it.

It maybe something that wont last forever or maybe not long at all, but maybe it can be a distraction until something else meaningful pops up in your life.

Answer 8

You've had lots of good answers here. If you can't find a Dr. to go to, find a trained religious professional ( priest, minister, Rabbi) even if you don't go to church. Any one of them will listen, free! If they think it's serious enough, they'll help you get into whatever counseling/medical program you may need. One of those types can be your shoulder to cry/talk on, and you need that. A b/f is NOT what you need right now. That could very well be disastrous for you. Re-read those signs of clinical depression, which is different from just "lost my b/f blues" -type depression.
Good luck. We're pulling for you!

Answer 9

I went through the SAME thing..i was about to"end it all" and i realized..what am i complaining about? I have SO many things..to be gratefull for..my house..family..everything..but im sitting here with a razor in my hand..Getting out and doing stuff will help alot..get back into contact with your friends..OR if thats not what you want..start over new..your 18..if your jobs good enough..move out..start over..Make the life you want and seemingly deserve..or be artistic..get everything out..with painting..writing..drawing..exspress how your feelings..and then figure out a way..to make it..so your happy again..look at when things were going good..and then look at what happened when you snapped..-what caused it-how can you avoid it-how can you prevent it- ect..try and find someone who will listen and try and help you..theres people out there..you just have to find them.

Answer 10

I've suffered with depression for a long time, it sucks I know. There are times when you wanna just ball yourself up and never get out of bed, I've been there. It's hard sometimes but you gotta try and keep thinking of the good things. I still deal with it daily. I hope someday I can wake and not feel the depression set in. One can only hope for the best sometimes.

Answer 11

you need offline friends and places you can go to hang out with people and enjoy yourslef (not some horrid place like a bar or a place where peopel do drugs and party) but something your interested in and can make you happier try hard if you can get around make new friends or hang out more with old ones get a part time job to pss free time so your not always alone feeling miserbale might help and you might be bale to get a boyfriend make some friends there