My wife suffers from am acute case of rage. It exists through many traumatic issues from her childhood. How do I explain to her that she has an issue with rage and that she needs help and where do I go to get support for myself. This is every bit as painful as dealing with an alcoholic in ones family. She projects all of her feelings and accepts no responsibility for her actions. She is actually a very sweet and loving person but does not understand how much she hurts those around her- especially me.
2006-08-26 15:52:01 · 11 answers · asked by nkneedeep32 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Send her to Yahoo Answers.
2006-08-26 15:54:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you have to stop saying she is sweet and lovable. That is not possible since you are saying her rage harms others emotionally.
What would you tell me if I said Tim McVey was a sweet and loving person who did not understand he hurt all those people in the office building? Same here.
It is hard to get help for a woman out of control. Our society is very sexist, and if you seek help, you will almost certainly be told if you were a better husband, she would be fine.
Of course, the correct thing to do would be to go to marital counseling together, but as I said the average anti-male counselor is going to tell you that your wife is in fine shape, and you are causing her problems. Been there; done that.
If you have no kids, you might consider getting away from her. I don't like divorce as a standard cure, but there is no way in our sexist society you can get real help for her, unless she admits she has a problem and that won't happen until she has murdered you at which time she will be acquitted.
2006-08-26 16:03:46 · answer #2 · answered by retiredslashescaped1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit her down when she isn't angry and start by telling her how much you love her and how much she means to you. Tell her that you understand she had a traumatic childhood and that you don't want to go there. But that there are a few things you need to get off of your chest.
Say all i ask of you right now is to please keep an open mind and listen to what I have to say. No matter how angry or upset you get please don't leave the room please stay and listen to me. It is important that I tell you this.
And I would apperciate it if you wouldn't talk or get angry at me until I have finished saying what I need 2 to you. And once I have finished i will listen to what ever you want to tell me.
If she agrees :Then tell her honey when you get angry you become a different person. I don't know who this person is.
And this person has a tendcency to say mean and hurtful things to those she loves. Give her some examples of what she has said or did to you or other loved ones around her.
Lay it all out on the line. And then before you end tell her again how much you love her but make it clear that her anger is pushing you away and that you are afraid that if she keeps acting this way that you will eventually want to leave her.
Then beg her to get help for her problem. Tell her that you don't want to loose her. Tell her that her anger could eventually kill her as well. And it could make her very ill and it could really kill her.
There are progams for anger. It is called anger managment. And if there isn't any in your area then get her a psychiatrist.
Most places offer family counseling as well a individual counseling.
If you have kids or even if you don't it sounds like you need the family.
To find one near you look under mental health services in your phone book. I'm sure that some of these places will offer group sessions for those from abusive realtionships wither it be physical or emotional abuse.
You need to make sure that your wife gets this help. She is probabley suffering from things in her child hood.
She needs to talk with some one and get all her anger out. She needs to get it off her chest. That is truly the only way she will ever truly be happy and free, she will never totally forget but they can teach her how to cope with it through counseling and even possibly medication.
I really hope the best for you. I hope that she listens to what you have to say and agrees to get help. I wish you luck and if she does get help let us know.
Good luck!!!!
2006-08-26 17:46:11 · answer #3 · answered by rockn75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a chat with your wife one on one about counseling. Inform her that you would like her to be counseled so she can allow all of her anger and rage to be relieved from inside. Tell her that you do not want anything bad to happen and you want to make your marriage work, so you would appreciate it if she'd seek help.
Remind her that you will be there with her every step of the way and will even go see a therapist with her if she would like you to come along. I think the two of you could get over this obstacle with a little professional help.
2006-08-26 16:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been in the same boat my friend,she probaly was molested by a family member,or raped if you new of this BEFORE you got married you made a big mistake love blinded you (as it did me)if you didn't know than shame on her.any way your married now so that's besides the point now.my way was
1.tell her your not the enemy
2.tell her you love her and we will beat this thing TOGETHER.
3.get good GODLY consuel(get to the bottom of the problem the anger is just surface stuff)
4.this one is hard pray for here out loud in a loving caring tone so she can here it.if she ask why or throws you the LOOK just look at her and say you are worth it to me.she may resent you for this but it will sink in.
5. last but not least HANG IN THERE i kid you not it will probaly take years for her to get over this (me 19 years)she may even have an affair on you to throw gas on the fire already going.but if you my friend can stick it out,you will have a GREAT MARRIAGE in the end.good luck and GOD BLESS
2006-08-26 17:42:31 · answer #5 · answered by ronbo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have tried for many years with my ex with anger issues. I thought the problem was with me and I tried individual and tried to get her to do couples therapy but in the end I ended up filing for divorce. You hit the nail on the head relating this with alcoholic and with that if she is unwilling to get help herself then the only thing you can do is give support but don't forget to get your own needs met. Good luck
2006-08-26 16:04:07 · answer #6 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already talked to her about this issue,I would suggest next time she goes into one of her rages, to call the police. I know it sounds like it extreme,But you must get her attention. Plus the police might be able to tell you/her where to get help. Good Luck.
2006-08-26 15:59:48 · answer #7 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my ex. He had no control over his rage either. Except he didnt believe he had a problem - thats why hes now my ex. She may be bipolar like him - they have mood swings and are especially hostile. She can get medication to control herself better. You should see a counselor yourself to have someone to talk to about these problems. Maybe encourage her to go with you, but if she doesnt see she has a problem you will be miserable. Good luck
2006-08-26 16:00:00 · answer #8 · answered by flowwjoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a sensitive issue, but you need to be honest with her. Let her know you understand where the rage comes from, but that it worries you.
2006-08-26 15:58:44 · answer #9 · answered by Pauleen M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go look in the yellow pages and find a therapist or counselor go to your local hospital and talk with a doctor there maybe they can give your a referral also look into anger managemant classes in your state/town you also can try to see if youcan find a hotline for anger management try to google anger management and see what comes up
2006-08-26 15:58:56 · answer #10 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋