He has a job that requires long hours, and he is in contact with lots of employees and drunk customers. His job is a very party kind of atmosphere and he gets his social life through his work, he has lots of friends there and comes come drunk half the time out of the work week. Due to our schedules, we hardly ever do anything together and my social life is nil.
There are plenty of flirtations I just know it because my husband is good looking, charming, friendly and is in a position of authority. He works with very cute girls of all ages and they all drink together after work, (I don't know if he's drinking with whom, whatever) I don't know what is going on most of the time, of course.
I have had my doubts and suspicions about if there is a crush he has at work, if he ever kissed anyone, if anything ever went further (which I doubt), how do I know if my husband has an emotional attatchment or a crush at work, should this matter? How should I feel about this?
2006-08-26 15:21:46 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, I have voiced my opinions to him to the point of being irritating. He knows exactly how I feel about it. but he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. though he looks a bit guilty lately. I don't know what to think anymore. I want him to have fun and be happy, but I'm feeling very left out, exluded and even kind of humiliated behind my back. --like I'm the dowdy nagging old ball and chain at home while everyone there is looking to rescue him of it.
2006-08-26 15:29:21 · update #1
Paranoid and insecure, well, I think you have every right to be! A husband shouldn't be staying after work drinking with "guys and gals" 2 or more times a week, and coming home drunk...He should be home with his wife. One night a week for him to cut loose is more than enough time.
Honey, you have the right to feel left out...the red headed step-child. He should be wanting to spend all that time with you, and you aren't wrong in being upset and hurt by his actions. You said you have talked to him about this, what did he say. You are just paranoid....tell him he's giving you just reason to be! You are the only that decide what to do, because he seems not hear what you are saying or he just doesn't care. Maybe, he really doesn't see the problem. I am not sure, but I feel he should at least be concerned about your feelings.
Ask him if his's partying after work is more important than your feelings? But be ready for the answer. Sweetie, he could say just live it with you want to be with him. Can you handle this, being lonely and feeling unwanted till he realizes his place is at home with you? These are some hard questions...but like I said it's your choice.....can you deal with this...or do you need to cut the ties before he crushs you even more. Till he wakes up, that is if he wants to be there with you, you may have hold on to your own sanity.
You don't deserve this, you aren't a ball and chain. You are his wife, not his housekeeper or maid....or part-time lover. You deserve respect, for your feelings your paranoia and your insecurity. Your feelings matter! Don't let them be dismissed.
If you stay for the ride, hang on tight, and I pray that he realizes that he's screwing up the best thing that ever happened to him. It's so obvisious that you love and adore him. Please please take care of yourself.....
God bless us all...................
2006-08-26 15:52:50 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are really in a tough situation. You are in a position where you can't trust your mate due to his work environment. Did you know this is what he did before you married him? It's difficult to be in a relationship where you can't trust the other person. Since you already voiced your concerns about him drinking and coming home drunk, the best thing to do is to spy on him yourself or hire a private investigator to confirm or deny your suspicions. You need to find out one way or another. Asking him won't help because if he has something to hide, he's obviously not going to tell you the truth. But for your own peace of mind, you need to know, once and for all, if there is a basis for your suspicions. You don't want to live your life always wondering if he is or isn't cheating.
2006-08-26 15:51:25 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a hard one. I wouldn't want my husband going out with women and drinking can't see how that would be part of the job!
I would talk to him and let him know your concerns, reverse the situation and ask how he would like it!
I would insist on getting your schedule more aligned so that your social activities are together.
I would not let him come home 1/2 drunk! Is he driving?
I would tell him after he get off work he needs to come home and be with you.
I would not ever have a situation that we (my husband and myself) didn't spend our time together. We work because we have to! We spend time together and all our free time because we want to~You shouldn't have to be alone so much. Beside having friends and guy or woman time your social life should be with him. Good luck!
2006-08-26 15:30:19 · answer #3 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband is the centre of your universe.
Make YOU the centre of your universe. The more interest you have in yourself, the more interested your husband will be in you.
Get together with friends and family when he is still at work. Don't cause him to think that your whole life is dependent on him. Guys find that very stressful and will avoid it by....going for drinks with co workers after work, not spending time with the wife etc.
**Please DO NOT go unannounced to his work. It may confirm your suspicions but it could leave you with more doubt. You are in a vulnerable position right now and feel your relationship with him is threatened. You could misread ANYTHING!
Good luck!
2006-08-26 15:54:47 · answer #4 · answered by jjoct18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He shouldn't be joking about potential bj's from co workers that is very disrespectful to you. If I get a proposal from a co worker (rare) I kindly remind her I am a married man. I wouldn't tell my wife about this though unless I wanted an frying pan on the head!! Maybe that's it..... he is just looking for a reaction! Strange!
2016-03-26 21:21:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. 1st-if you dont trust him, you shouldnt be with him. You need someone you can trust in any situation. 2nd-your man should respect you more to at least come straight home after work and be at least somewhat sober. he doesnt need to be drunk half the week. 3rd-if he IS drunk half the week, he may have a problem. Normally when guys get drunk, their inhibitions are gone and things sometimes happen, however there are men who stay in control of their buzz. You need to evaluate if he is still steadfast and controlled or if hes just drunk. Think long and hard and trust your instincts. Good luck.
2006-08-26 15:27:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go see him at work on occasion. You can see how he interacts with everyone else and put some of the mystery to rest. Just make more time for each other. Talk about everything that you can so there is no mystery behind each others life. The more he talks to you and you know how he feels about you, the more secure you will feel in your marriage.
2006-08-27 01:14:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know there is no way any of us can really tell if our husbands are cheating on us or not. I feel that if my husband is cheating on me.. he has to live with the guilty conscious.. not me. He has to try to lay down and sleep at night with a guilty conscious.. So in saying that.. I dont worry about it. I dont even think about it anymore. I feel that if he is guilty.. its only a matter of time until the truth shows up. I sleep well at night and if he does.. great .. if he doesnt.. then its nobodys fault but his. Good luck. Dont let it drive you insane worrying about it. Just take one day at a time. Communicate with him how you feel and make sure he understands what you are telling him. Worrying about it wont make it happen or not happen. You have to learn to trust until there is concrete evidence that you cant trust him anymore.
2006-08-26 15:37:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you getting out of this relationship?
And what do you think he needs you for?
Think long and hard...it doesn't sound as though he cares about how you feel when he's off drinking with the girls, or cares enough to spend time with you.
You need to get some friends of your own and not be dependent on him for your happiness and social life.
Good luck
2006-08-26 15:26:35 · answer #9 · answered by Bobbie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Eeee Gads!!! You have a boozin', alcoholic husband who is definitely cheating! Don't be so dense!! Hire a private Investigator, sweetie, and find out what the "charming, good-looking, friendly and in a position of authority" husband is up to. In the meantime, clean out the bankaccounts and plan for the future! Don't act stupid!
2006-08-26 15:26:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋