my new boyfriend gave his virginity to me and wants me to divorce my husband & marry him, what should i do?

Question

I am 41, my boyfriend is 42. I have been very unhappily married to a sadistic controlling *** for 23yrs. He treats me bad, but he makes lots of money & I have finicial security. My boyfriend is broke but has a good job he is kind of a nerd( fourty year old virgin) but he treats me like a queen. I would be moving back east to live with him leaving the great pacific northwest & all my creature comforts. love or money???? I would have nothing but love & happiness with my boyfriend & nothing but heart ache & money with my husband....

Answer 1

What is more important to you? Are you high maintenance? How long have you seen boyfriend. How do you know he really was a virgin? If he is so great why is he seeing a married woman? If I waited 42 yrs to save my virginity it would not be to a married man. Ask him if he is willing to take lie detector test, and you have connections for privacy. That might answer your question.
Been there, done that, should have stayed where I was.

Answer 2

If your husband is as bad as you claim. How in the world would you ever be allowed to leave the house? Abusive men don't let the women venture outside. If the woman goes outside the abusive husband has no knowledge. If he does happen to find out he beats her up so she won't go outside! Don't you watch lifetime...television for women? Any how, if the husband is abusive. Do you really think he would leave you and the homewrecker alone after the divorce? And since he has money....here comes O.J......The homewrecker no doubt knows about the claims against the husband. So, if you leave the husband (and his money) for the homewrecker who already has lied to you. You will just be with an abusive man who is poor! Very few 40 something year old men are virgins. He may have just been out of the loop because he was in jail. And you are the first naive thing he found. Leave both of them alone and live by yourself and see if you do indeed have self confidence. If you do proceed accordingly. If not.....husband and homewrecker will waiting for you to "come to your senses." Good luck dear.

Answer 3

Let's think, you are cheating and lying. You think your husband is controlling? Can't think of anything more controlling than having affairs (yes, you let us know you had more than one). Get over yourself, break up ties with the boyfriend, move out of the 'creature comfort' home and find out what you need to do next. You didn't say that you had children, but count on the 'sadistic' husband to go for custody based on your philandering. Be honest with yourself or a few years from now you will be saying exactly the same thing about the boyfriend you are currently saying about the husband. I am not trying to be cruel, I am trying to hold up a mirror for you before the craziness goes any further.

Answer 4

You cheated on your husband?! My goodness. Well I dont support that at all! Whats the point of marriage if you dont even live by it? Unless your husband beats you or is cheating on you or something then its not fair to him. Here he was thinking he was getting a bride and got stuck with you. Are you seriously considering the money. Oh my goodness, what have the worlds morals come too. Well I dont think its fair what is happening to your real husband, but I dont know whats worse; Being married and having a wife that cheats, or be divorced by a cheating wife. Consider that for once. Think of someone else besides yourself. Unless your going to be an actual wife to your husband, then dont put him through cheating all the time. And you want to marry a guy who caused you to cheat. Oh thats a great relationship, you two deserve each other.

Answer 5

Hun, if my husband was that bad, I'd have left him a long time ago, regardless. Oh wait, I did. I lost my car, my house and had to file bankruptcy because he wouldn't take care of his responsibilities that he agreed to as per the divorce, so I had too. But I struggled and eventually made it. You have to be strong about this. It isn't about money, it's about your happiness. And I'm sorry and I truly mean no offense, but what does it say about you as a person, if you just can't live without the "creature comforts" for a man who truly loves you?

Some women would give anything for a good man!

Answer 6

I find it hard to answer this question without coming across as mean or anything, but this new boyfriend and his lack of money is NOT your problem. Nor is your controlling abusive husband your problem either. The problem is within yourself and you need to fix it BEFORE you move on to someone else! #1 - There's something in you that has allowed yourself to be in a bad situation for all these years, just for the money. You have no one to blame for this but YOU. Your husband is horrible for being this way, but you have to take some blame for letting it happen. You need to fix your priorities and your perception. No amount of money is worth selling yourself out.
#2 - You do not fix a problem in one relationship by going outside that relationship and starting up with someone else. SHAME ON YOU for being intimate with someone besides your husband. And SHAME on you again for taking precious virginity from someone. Your bf waited a long time to give it up, and he should've been able to give it to someone who cared for him enough to be with him and only him.
#3 - Since these problems are in YOU and not those guys, you risk having more issues come up if you just leave one guy for another.

Get over your material issues. Stuff is nice, but you know what, work, save money, you can have more stuff later for heaven't sake!

Answer 7

Well, first of all, it sounds like then you are cheating on your husband with this guy, which makes me wonder, if your husband is really as bad as you make him sound, why havent you already divorced him? Are you two going to work things out with the husband? Secondly, how serious is this relationship wit hthe boyfriend? I just wonder how serious it could be if you are still married, and how serious you could be taking it if you are a mrried woman.
Thirdly, before making any big decisions like this, you might want to look at all factors, such as if you really want to leave your marriage, go to him, and how would if affect you if this didnt work out.

Answer 8

Being dependent on anyone is not ideal. 41 is not too old to learn the skills you need for a respectable job. If you'd have something of your own, you may be able to have a healthier approach to your relationships.
In general, if you can, leave your abusive husband - unless you're so screwed up - you can't deal with life on your own.
If you're so screwed up, please get good positive psychological counseling that will help you believe in yourself and the abilities and power you were blessed with.

Answer 9

Hon, you're in what sounds like a very abusive marriage. My late husband was an abusive asshole, mentally, and soon enough physically. He was also alcoholic and a control freak. Get out while you can. If he's that abusive, it's not worth it. And it only gets worse.

Chances are he's probably screwing around on you too if he's that much of a pompasass. I wouldn't stay in an abusive marriage. It's not worth it.

Answer 10

Woman, whats wrong w/ you? Don't mess w/ a virgin, they'll get all CLINGY and whiny! But as for the rest of your question, I would pick love (if your current relationship is miserable) Your virgin will work hard to support you, if you make him. You took his virginity and he will follow you around like a puppy, waiting to be trained (in all areas)