(O)utgoing, (A)dventuerious and (P)ositive OAP for short... I need help on becoming one...?

Question

Okay I am an 18 yrs old male incoming freshman student in Bakersfield College. I am about 5'4 and weights about 260 pounds. My question is how can I be an outgoing person. You know, the one whose willing to take on new challenges that life puts me through. I have a problem of getting out of my shell and be out there. my personalities are: Shy, queit, snobby(but thats maybe due to my bad eye sight) and respectful. I am very creative though and always willing to help out others in need. I got this conscience for other people; example old people, sick people, etc. It is as if my job is to be there and give them sympathy. What should I do. My shyness is keeping me away from the things that I want to do. Heck I don't even have a girlfriend to top that off. Experience people? how can I change myself. I am a nice person, or so as I was told, but the truth is I want to be bad. (joke) I can't even hurt or kick anything or anyone without my conscience hitting me. I need tips to become *OAP.

Answer 1

I totally disagree with the answer that you can't change yourself. It is difficult, but you can. No one else can, regardless of how much they may try.

I am an overweight male as you are and I know that being overweight is not so much a function of what I eat, but what is eating me. In other words, I eat because some profound problems bother me very deeply. I am learning that to deal with those issues is the only way to become more what I want to be. The caring for others, maybe overly caring and not saving some of that caring for yourself is a symptom of this as well.

You joke about becoming bad, but I think what you mean is you are reluctant to change because you see the outgoing seemingly happier person as less sensitive. Actually, that feeling is a perception coming from the place where you are now. You can be more outgoing and still remain sensitive enough that you won't hate yourself inside.

The root of the issue, as I see it, is you need to please others more than is really needed because you are afraid they won't care for you, they might reject you. This comes from a deep hurtful rejection you experienced at a time in your life when you were unable to rationalize it. You took it personally and you still respond to it by being nicer than you need to and by craving approval more than you need to.

Don't mishear what I am saying, you can still seek approval and be nice, but as much as you do is probably too much -- over done.

Here is what you need to do: Dial back the thinking so much about others. I do not mean to stop thinking about others, just do it less. Move it back as far as you are comfortable with it and then think about what it is you want a little more. Discover what you like what you want and share that with others.

Honestly talk about your feelings, tell people what you want, even if some of what you want is to be nice and help people. Right now, you're just overdoing it a bit. Balance your doing for others with a healthy amount of well-deserved attention to you and what you want.

Like you, I have the black and white view of things, If I'm not nice to people, I'm hurting them, kicking them or something like that. We both need to realize that others want some of us being nice to them and they also realize that you and I need time for ourselves to be good to ourselves too.

This is not accomplished easily. I have made a lot of these realizations with the help of a professional therapist and I recommend that you see a therapist about these issues as well to help you stay on task and get it done.

One thing you can do for yourself right away is see someone about correcting your vision. Seriously, though, consider seeing a therapist about assistance with this personality adjustment. Remember, it is an adjustment, not a total renovation. Take it a step at a time.

See your school's health services about how you can meet with a therapist. A lot of schools offer that service as included in the tuition, so you may not have to pay much if anything for the meetings with the therapist. It could help you not just with school, but it could mark an important turning point in your life. -- the start of the road to being well adjusted.

Look forward to being more than a nice guy. Be a vibrant, considerate, but life loving, gregarious, fun person to share life with. Go for it!

Answer 2

You might benefit greatly from reading the book I have referenced below. Your traits may well indicate that you velong in this precious and important minority. Especially your creativity, empathy, and respectfulness. There is a self-test online at http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm It is possible to become more outgoing by practising it, taking risks and initiatives (what for you seem to be risks and initiatives) and gradually increasing your social llife. It is also very possible to accept yuorself as you are and balance the social risktaking with quiet time in the woods or up the desert mountains in back of you (you do mean Bakersfield CA, do you?) or by the sea....... or whatever breaks you away from feeling overwhelmed by other people. Really, this book could transform your life like no other.

Also, it may help you to search truly for the spirituality that is good for you at this time in your life. It could be a meditative path such as those of the yogis (e.g. Self-Realization Fellowship) or Buddhists.

Answer 3

how about doing every thing you dont feel comfortable doing....i used to be like that when i first moved to FLA but then i started doing every thing i felt uncomfortable doin. like onces i skipped school with people i barly knew and another time i threw water at some one for a joke, and i started joking around with people a lot and actually talked...
on the second hand..i think you should not change who you are... i mean thats you and you can't change ur self

Answer 4

wow! that a good quetion, u sahould join groups, like this one ur currently in, u can kno more peepl, u should also try walking around ur collegde and try to kno more peepl, ask them for help, im sure this will work for u.

P.S. good luck = )

Answer 5

"Good gosh I'll_give_u_...!
You don't have many problems, you just think you do.
I'm 59 now, but, I remember, well, my delimmas after high school and just into my first college year.
I was 5'8", 300 lbs. with glasses. I admit that I asked everybody, that would offer a friendly ear, all about my "pressing problems." I usually got the same answers from councellors, relatives and friends. My conscience is a factor that divided me from would-be friends and my true friends. In fact, I've had my conscience from birth. It has saved me from many pit-falls; however, it did not endear me to big business. It's nigh impossible to make me take advantage of people just to make a buck off them. Oh well, that's one of my burdens. I don't mean to assign it to you.
One of the first burdens I've overcome is my weight. I've always been one to eat too much, but, I couldn't assign much blame to myself until I got to 25 or so. I, somehow, knew the view I had of myself held me back . Being so overweight was a physical and emotional boundary for me. I let a close friend know how I felt about myself because of the excess weight. My friend was about 30 years older than myself and had lots of education and personal experience. He kept asking me, "what have you decided to do about it?" I already told him that my weight mattered to me and that it seemed like an obstacle in the way of how I felt about myself. I admit it, it took years before I really listened to him about it, although I knew the truth of it long before.
The way I behaved had to do with my perception of wellness. I had little confidence because of my weight. My weight was the first thing any girl saw when I went up and talked to her. Of course, when rejected, I felt it was because of my weight. It looked like I let emotion rule me. He said it did! He said if I wanted to shape my physical appearance I had to use my head. Ok. Yes, I was overweight because I chose to be. Nothing would change unless I made it happen. Ok, I knew that all the time. I could suffer with it or change it. My choice. I chose to lose weight. It hurt. I loved to eat and got a lot of pleasure from it. My friend was there to tell me why.
The whole idea was there. It was just hard to do the right thing.
Everything seemed to spring from the fact that I was the only one who could change me. I had to change the way I thought. My personality was as good as anyone's I knew. I just had to do more of those things I needed to do to live in a better way.
I knew how to make friends. I knew how to be more outgoing and positive.
The only help I needed was my own initiatives. I was responsible, no one else. If I needed change, it must be me that did it, but, my friend's pointing it out helped.
Admittedly, it took years for me to grow out of my little problems. Years before I took the responsibility and used my brain instead of my emotions. Actually, it took both ... brains and heart. I, finally, began to think internally to shape my external self. It happened to me over years. I've heard from some others who said they experienced it and it only took months for them. They were luckier than me.
In conclusion, you're already OAP! You know it and so do your family and good friends.
You actually have everything you need. Its totally up to you to make your desires happen!"

Answer 6

sometimes shy and quiet is good.u don't need to talk to much.u r already good.b u and nothing else.