Help me!!!?

Question

My 7 year old boy is driving me nuts. He just got back from his Dads, I dont think it was a very good summer for him. But he is doing nothing but yelling at me when I ask him to do stuff or crying when I ask him. I am at a breaking point, I just got done with a fight where I left him in his room with the mess and now he is just on his bed crying because I took away his legos because he would not pick them up. Please tell me is there anything that I can do to help him transition back into the home life with me.

Answer 1

Counseling! Sounds like he needs i for sure. This is not a reflection of you or your parenting ability. I'm simply sayng a professional could help him work through his issues of moving back and forth, and readjusting to your rules, etc.

Answer 2

Sit down and talk calmly, tell him how much you missed him and how much you love him and how glad you are that he is home. Next you have to devise a game plan for the new school year; ask him questions such as ; ok son now that school is starting what do you think is a reasonable bed time? kids need and want structure. You might have to take the lead in some of the discussion but as long as you incorporate his feelings and some of his suggestions ( like weekend activities) it will seem more like a team effort. as for the cool down time from dads house it could take a while, my kids go crazy whenever their dad is around because he undermines my authority and he has no idea what parenting is about. Eventually it wears off and my kids are back to normal in no time. one step at a time, God Bless and good luck!

Answer 3

Ok, calm down. the worse thing is to deal with things when your angry. Calm down and take a few deep breaths. Now, just talk about how is trip was and just happy things so he might stop crying. Tell him to please calm down and if he dosnt that you'll send him back to his dads. tell him your sorry and tell him to be nice and do what you tell him to. Like say if your good we can do something fun tomorrow. All that stuff,, give him some sleeping pills and just make him sleepy. See what other people say and just talk and be nice and bribe him a little. All that stuff. if this dosnt work or you donw want to do that, Spank him. Not hard, not violently, but spank him. Then call up his dad and ask him what the heck happened to your nice son. I'd let Daddy try to fix problem.

About the toys problem...so if something needs to be picked up then make it into a game. Tell him "i bet you can't clean up in..wait... min/sec" ect. Love is also a very good thing. Let him know that you still love him and that he is welcome back in his home. Establish the rules of your house as opposed to his dad's house firmly but lovingly. Patience is essential! now dont really fight with him cause that will make him more angry and thats pretty childish.

Try to take him out more offend and spend more time with him.
Talk to him be friendly to find out where is the problem - but don't attack him. Dont let him spend the whole summer with his dad! Good luck and say that if he dosnt change, you'll send him to boot camp. try everything you know and this stuff. good luck mate!


-chad

Answer 4

Tell him, "I realize that it must be hard to have to go between Daddy and Mommy's houses during the summer. I know that I miss you when you go away and I feel like you probably missed me too. I really don't want to spend our first night together in such a long time, fighting and crying. So do you think you could just pick up your room a little and then we could spend some time together playing with the legos."

Answer 5

This is a really hard time for both of you. I had the same situation with my girls because my ex and I had joint custody. One month they were with him...he had a housekeeper, so they didn't have to clean up. He never reprimanded them. So when they came back to me, I was the mean, bossy mom.

Go into his room, pick him up, put him on your lap and tell him you know it's confusing for him to be back after being away for so long. Tell him you love him and missed him, and are so happy he's back. Tell him that tomorrow you and he will talk about the rules for when he's living with you. Make a calendar chart with the things he's expected to do, and have him put his sticker on when he does it. Tell him that when he has 5 stickers in a row...you fill in the blank about what the reward will be as you know your boy best.

He needs lots of love and reassurance, and patience from you. Remember he's only 7. You don't know what kind of stuff your ex has filled his head with, so he may have been reacting to that.
In no way take it personally. Remember you are the adult role model, and he's the kid.
Here's a link that gives resources for parents with joint or shared custody.
http://members.tripod.com/~mdcrc/links.html.
Sometimes it helps to talk to someone else who's in the same situation.
Good luck!

Answer 6

Just be patient and loving. Think of things from his point of view. He has had a great time with a father he obviously loves and now daddy has gone again. He may even blame you for that, not because his father might have influenced him but because he is a little boy and doesn't understand what's going on. Get him to talk about the holidays; relive the days and if he asks why daddy can't come and live with him try and explain truthfully as possible. Don't demand anything from him just let him heal in his own time and keep laying on the love.

Answer 7

Who is the parent, you or the child?

The child does no more than the parent allows!

No child should ever be allowed to Talk back, make an ugly face, walk out, yell, slam the door, or in any way show or be disrespectful to the parent!

If you allow it, you've got it!

If he wants to cry, be sure that he has a reason to cry!

His room, he cleans it PERIOD!, He EATS what you cook, when you cook it and nothing gets said except thank you!

If you do not want to raise him, too include discipline when it is necessary, do not cry! His behavior is your report card as a parent!

There are a whole lot of grandmas out there that would never had one iota of what you have written!

And mine was pure DEATH! It did not even snow on her in the winter time! Too, she acted like my Lil butt was her private property.

Answer 8

I'm not sure how much i can help, considering i've never been a parent, but I did have three younger siblings and i learned a lot from the classes i am taking from school.
seven year olds love games. so if something needs to be picked up then make it into a game. Tell him "i bet you can't clean up in..(insert time here) min/sec" ect. Love is also a very good thing. Let him know that you still love him and that he is welcome back in his home. Establish the rules of your house as opposed to his dad's house firmly but lovingly.
Patience is essential!

Answer 9

Sit down and talk with him. Kids act out when they don't have the words to decribe what they feel, due to their limited vocab. See if anything in particular is upsetting him. MAybe something hapened at his dad's or maybe it is over how his dad treated him while he was there. Anyway explain that there were rules at his dad's house, but now he is back home and list the rules you expect him to live by. Also have him see the school counselor. Sometimes other kids are comfortable talking with other adults other than their parents. Good luck!

Answer 10

I'm sure your familar with Dr.Phil McGraw, I was watching a program about problem children who have broken homes. It was very interesting to watch.

The transition from being with his father to your home is always hard on young children. The rules of the house are different as well as the way he is being treated. I know it is hard on you and it is serrious situation because if you don't address it now it will continue.

One of the hardest things to do to a child is to deprive them of the things they need. This is a topic that a lot of parents seem to be confused about. Children don't need toys, books, movies, games, leggo ect. The basic life needs are food in their belly, a warm and safe place to sleep and a parent to who loves them.
You started by removing his leggo from his room,that's a good step. Since your son isn't listening to you go and remove something else from his enviornment. If he continues to have this behaviour remove everything but his bed, blankets and food.
This will jump start his thought process. If I continue to act bad for mom then I get something taken away. If I behave properly and help mom and be good I get something back or it doesn't get taken away. To the extrem of the situation you strip his room of everything, put it in in place that he can not access, your bedroom if you have to.

Once he learns that his world has changed and that he needs to start listening to his mom again you'll noice a huge difference in his attitude and behaviour.

I've used this technique while caring for the children of the members of my family if they go away for work or on a "parents" only vacation. It works very effectively and enstils a sense of who is in charge.

I honestly hope you don't think that my tactics are to harsh. You are the parent and he is the child and you make the rules, not him.

Take care and good luck and don't be afraid to drop me a line via messenger if you like

rangeroverlad

RRL

Answer 11

This is tough because you have to be firm with him but still let him know that you care and love him. Try approaching him after you two have time to cool off and explain to him that the rules have not changed just because he was away for the summer. This may be the time to talk to your ex and have him explain to your son that he still has to listen to you...if your ex is unco-operative and does not want to take this opprotunity to show your son a united front... then do it alone and really show your son that this behaviour will not be tolerated. Get him back in his routine ASAP and stick to it...no breaks until he can earn your trust back and show you that he is being responsible and respecting you....good luck