the man i am engagged to and i have been fightin alot it is a long distances relationship for 6 more monthes. it is hard but now he is in colledge and i fill like he is putting everything before me. his friends... and school. i understand school. but i use to be who he wanted to talk to. now im lucky if we talk even 30 min. a night. it is tearing me apart. cuz i have no close friends or family i can go to. he promised he wouldnt put me on the back burnner. and im not some sort of spoild brat. its just he is my world. and its like when i dont tell him whats wrong it upsets him. but its like i've been crying out to him everynight about how he's been treatin me. and he says im being selfish and i think the world revolvs around me. just because i want to talk to him more then 30 min. a night. i mean thats all we have is our phone calls. am i really being selfish and self asorbed for wantin to talk to the man i am in love with and engagged to????
2006-08-26 14:44:47 · 7 answers · asked by cRaZy ~N~ lOvE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You definitely have reason to doubt. I understand long distance relationships are hard to maintain and I wouldn't doubt he tries to focus on his responsibilities, but an engagement is a 50/50 commitment. He should want to keep the relationship intact as much as you. If you're in high school going out for a month it's an easy situation. But an engagment is something that can become permanent. My best advice would be to ask if he's planning a surprise for you to discover whether he still focuses on you or something else. Basic psychology would say if that catches his attention, he still thinking about you. If he gives you a fast simple response and talks to you shortly, he has other things on his mind. Or is just nervous.
Hope everything goes well
2006-08-26 14:55:45 · answer #1 · answered by artmastercf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is going to college and probably working his butt off to get a good education so he can provide for you. What are you doing? I would send him care packages and get off your soap box. Get busy working and helping him. He needs emotional support. If you start really listening and quit crying you may hear how burned out he his. He needs you to take care of him emotionally also. I would let him know that you are proud of his hard work and that it only takes a minute to tell him you love him and understand that. It's sounds like the majority of your conversations from what he is saying is about how you feel. He needs to know that he has a woman that has is back that will say "honey you sound tired, how was your day"?
I don't mean to be rude but if you quit spending the time making him your world and spend more time raising him up with love and support you will change things dramatically. I recommend an apology. Spend time making some extra cash so you can go see him on the holidays or send him care packages. Good luck!
2006-08-26 14:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being a bit selfish. College is very demanding. You are lucky that you can talk to him 30 minutes a day. With having homework, projects, reading and writing papers, he's lucky he has time to eat, let alone spare time to talk to you. I don't know if you are in college too, but if you aren't, you won't understand how hard it id to deal with professors who think that their class is the only one you have or that it's the only one that matters. I think you are lucky that he's still with you. The people he is talking with are probably in his class and they probably do their studying together. Do you want him to do well at school so he can get a good job or do you want him to be working at a low paying job. These are sacrifices that you have to make, so you both can have a better future together.
What you need to do is make friends of your own that way you will have more things to do rather than thinking about your man all the time. Have you thought that maybe he can't afford to call you for long periods of time? Just because you are in love with him doesn't mean you have to talk to each other all the time or for hours on end. How do you think married people who both work manage to get through their day? They deal with it and it's just ONE of the many sacrifices that you need to do in order for your relationship to work. Marriage is not some cakewalk and vacation all the time. There are going to be WAY more difficult things that you will have to deal with. What about when he gets a job? What will you be doing? He has to go to work. You can't call him all the time telling him that you are more important that his job.
What you really need to do is tell you love him and that you think he's doing a great job by going to college. Tell him you appreciate the fact that he is trying to keep the relationship going and go to school as well.
Get a job so you can not think about him all the time and also earn money so you can plan to go see him. Right now you are being unfair to him. He's trying to make a better life for you and all you can do is b*tch about it? What happens if he decides to go to grad school? That will take up loads of time. Probably more than undergrad...that and the fact he'll probably be traveling too to conferences and such...especially if he is in the sciences. And you probably won't be able to go with him, and he will be busy all day, believe me I know. I am engaged to a scientist and he is in grad school right now. It's tough, but if you really love him, you'll back off on the whining.
Every day is a hard day from him and when he calls you, instead of bitching and whining (which he really doesn't want to hear) ask him how his day was or how he is feeling. He's probably lonely since he's away from family and friends. Why not email him or use some sort of instant messenger to talk with him.
What all this boils down to is, yes you are being selfish. Try to be more understanding of you won't have to worry about how much you get to talk to him because he will probably dump you.
Just a final thought: If you don't stop being whiny, clingy, and needy, I imagine he will be able to find himself another woman...seeing as how he is going to college with a few thousand of them who are probably a lot of fun.
2006-08-26 15:33:30 · answer #3 · answered by Elizabeth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're being selfish by wanting to talk to him. On the other hand, if you use phrases like, "he is my world", you're bound to make him feel stifled! I mean come on, no one wants to be the world of someone else, except their baby child! Too much pressure! Get some other interests outside of him so he doesn't feel smothered and dump you!
2006-08-26 14:57:21 · answer #4 · answered by Echo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to back off dont need to talk every night make him call u and maybe he dont feel like to talk every night i know i wouldnt
2006-08-26 14:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello.u r one of at least 3 women he is playin right now. i know him and you are being used!
2006-08-26 14:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're being realistic.
2006-08-26 14:47:36 · answer #7 · answered by Lauren 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋