I'm embarrassing.?

Question

Or so say's my father.

I'm embarrassing because when his friends ask what I'm up to, he says I'm doing nothing.

I don't understand him.. we've never gotten along (I'm 20 now).

I just got back from active duty air force (i was gone for a year), and I've been back for 5 months now. I had a job, but I dropped it for the summer, and am currently looking for a new job.

I will also be going to school full-time starting September 6th. I don't really have friends anymore, thanks to being away for a year and losing contact. I thought I'd come back and everything would be the way it was, only better. The fact is, I came back and everyone had written me out of their lives.

So I pretty much spent the summer doing nothing.

My question to you is.. have you ever been told you were "embarrassing" and do you think a parent should justly say that to his kin?

Oh, and just to clear it up, he said it because he meant it, not to 'inspire me' (I used to think that).. he's just a mean person.

Read the second sentence.

That's why.

Answer 1

You aren't embarrassing. You spent a year doing hard work and if you want to take a break you have every right to do so. Your dad is a bag of douche (sorry if that offends you).

Answer 2

Your Dad should be proud of your time in the service, whether he agrees with the reasoning behind it or not.

Maybe he is embarassed because you quit your job to spend the summer doing nothing. As a parent, that would disappoint me if my 20 year old did that, but it certainly is not something I would go around telling people, nor would I say that I was embarassed.

Most people at age 20 are beginning to be more responsible. You missed out on that part while you were in the service and are sort of being slam-dunked into it.

Yeah, I have been told that I was an "embarassment" to the family. A few times I honestly deserved to be told that - but it took a few years for me to figure that out. Sometimes it was totally unwarranted and what they really meant was "Jeez, I wish you had turned out to be the person I had dreamed of". Well, I didn't, I turned out to be me.

Hang in there. Things should get better when you get to college and get to meet some more/new people.

Good luck!

Answer 3

My question to you is...Did he say that BEFORE or after you spent the summer doing 'absolutely nothing'? That may make a difference.

I'm a parent of a 21-yr-old daughter and it bothers me (A LOT) when she lays around doing NOTHING! She's having a problem with depression....I understand that. I've been there more times than I'd like to admit too. Believe it or not, sometimes you literally have to give yourself that 'kick in the seat of the pants.' No one knows yourself better, right? Well, I feel like she could be doing something....anything! As long as it's nothing! She needs a kick or two..... And maybe, just maybe....you do too. But it's better when you give it to yourself.

As to your question about whether or not kin folk have the right to say you're embarrassing them.... Well, If it's a parent and you're still living at home: YES. The answer would still be yes, even if you weren't at home.... A good parent wants to be proud of their children....they want the bragging rights, you know? On the other hand, It's his job to teach you to be a man and to encourage you and even SHOW YOU, if necessary. If he's not, then he's giving you cause to be not only embarrassed of him...but ashamed as well.

Come on soldier, lots of folks appreciate all you did.... You're home now and Uncle Sam isn't going to bark orders at you anymore. Your life is all yours now.....So make the best of it! Best of luck to ya....and your family, too. Brenda ps Don't isolate yourself.....get out and make some new friends! Just do it! You won't be sorry....

Answer 4

First of all, your father has nothing to be embarrassed about, and neither do you. You are a member of the US military, and that is a big sign of responsiblity. For everythign you have been thru, time off can be good, It sounds like you ahve also made plans for your future, by returning to school, also, if you are still a member of the armed services (whehter it be reserve, guard, active duty or ROTC, or even if you didnt re enlist), you have done things that your dad should be proud, and it isnt like you have "been doing nothing" this entire time... a break can be good, especially since it sounds like you have been deployed.

Answer 5

Just accept, some parents are abusers, users or utter confusers. Sometimes we just end up with the type. Best advice is dont try to prove yourself. I bet you his friends thinks he is a total *** when he says that. Thank you so much for fightting for our country. When my brother came back he thougth the same thing. That everyone left him and moved on. You might have some depression, not related to your dad. Please talk to a social therapist....I promise it will help. Good luck and just think. once you have a wife and your old children you can forgt about your dad totally. I had asshol0 dad, but now have a great husband and great family in laws. When looking for a girl make sure you like her family. If not you ll have the same shi&

Answer 6

"I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do." Its just that you feel their knowing may not be sufficient, but no parents will think bad for their children. Even they are human and they may lack some qualities in them and they don't know any other way to motivate you. A healthy chat, if possible, may yield some result but that again depends how he is going to receive your suggestions. Some people may not like to take advise from their children. I have been through all of these things and i know nobody wants bad for their children. its just the circumstance and their nature forces them to act in way that we feel is not at all justified.

Answer 7

If anything, your father should be proud of you. No parent should say such mean things like that about their kids. I remember when I became pregnant with my second child out of wedlock, my father called me a whore. Even after me and son's father were married, my dad still looked at me in disgust.
I eventually learned to ignore his mean words and actions, because I knew I was better than that and I know you are too! It hurts, but then he is also hurting himself because eventually, he is going to push you completely away because he doesn't know any better. Be proud of yourself and don't let him bring you down. Only you know your true worth, and you have my respect for serving our country!

Answer 8

yep he is free to have his thoughts and to verbalize his opinions ... Just remember you are free to do the same just don't do it in a mean manner find a way of saying something that will make him look bad , make you feel better and make you look like he is lying .. My Mother used to do the same to me ... I learned to answer her comments with a question she would say you are lazy or something I finally asked how mother how am I lazy , I clean your house while you are at work I take care of my little sister from the time she gets up to the time she goes to bed I make breakfast , Lunch for school ,& dinner ... I am truely confused at how I am lazy please tell me so I can fix this ... Needless to say I got it later but she didn't say I was lazy any more then she started calling me other things And the day after I graduated I left early that morning and haven't ben back to live .. It has tooken her another 15 years to relize I am not HER child that she can talk to like that any more and it is Still a work in progress ... My point is they have bin like this for years and years and it will take even longer years to help them get out of their mind set But if you want a relationship for yourself and eventaly your children you need to start now on helping him ....you will find out you will get help on learning about him also in the progress ...

Answer 9

First and foremost, let me thank you for your service to our country. You aren't doing 'nothing' I believe you are trying to figure out what to do now that no one is giving you orders. You may want to see a job counselor, or pick up a part time job. Be proud of yourself either way. I have only been told I was embarrassing by a drunken ex-husband. I don't have anything to compare your active duty or your ciivilian abuse to. Think about moving out. Talk to the VA. Good luck to you and thanks again.

Answer 10

Sometimes parents don't understand what kids are up against today and they forget that their lives took time and dedication to get through and many of them had mistakes.

They expect us to work harder in order to soar higher, and it's just not like that. The jobs out there generally expect more work for about the same or less pay than before, and many people don't seem to understand that either.