My bf is friends with an older,married woman,nearly twice his age,with kids.Theyve known each other for 8 years,and have been 'dating' the entire time including being physical and telling each other they loved each other.When i started dating him it wasnt serious, but he decided that he wanted to start growing up and living in reality- so he stopped seeing all other women, dating only me.But he still is friends with this women.he tells me they had this long talk and decided that he was never going to be able to have a real relationship with someone if they were like the way they were.but i know he still loves her,cant just turn it off, even if he has stopped acting like it. he hasnt denied this.they still hang out occassionally,but he refuses to introduce us because they both dont want to feel it would be stupid and pointless.i love this man with all my heart, but cant imagine marrying someone who loves another woman too. how would you feel about this, am i overreacting?
2006-08-26 14:37:48 · 17 answers · asked by meow 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
My Dear,
Overreacting? How about underreacting. Your BF is stuck on a married woman which is not my idea of living in reality and growing up. It is not likely
that a married woman with children will leave her comfort zone and the confort
zone of her children to permantly be with a younger man.Your bf is probally
her playmate or perhaps her way of escaping from reality. Trust me...if she really loved him and wanted to be with him she would have made the adjustment along time ago. Your bf is going to have to face that reality and make the decision when he will/or can put that relationhip behind him.
In the meantime you need to find someone else because he obviously doesn't love you the way you the way you deserve to be loved or she would not even be an issue or still in his life. Do not by that frienship line. If they were sleeping together they probally still are. Does he know that you want to get married? Sweetie he's not ready if he has a thang for a married woman with kids. You are not the first woman who fell in love with someone that dosen't love you back the same. You will not be the last. The point is being mature enough to except it and doing what ever you need to do to get over it.Let him go and if he truly loves you and want to marry you he will come back and without the bagage. I know, it happened to me. Remember you are the prize, and you deserve to be treated that way. Good Luck!!!
2006-08-26 15:08:28 · answer #1 · answered by tranquility 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better than what he can give you. If he is still in love with this woman, then it is wrong for him to try and have a relationship with you. In my opinion, it is the same as cheating on you and no one deserves being treated as such. If I were you, I'd take some time for myself to work through my emotions and feelings. Take some time away from him, let yourself heal because I can only imagine how this must hurt you, and go your own way. It will be hard if you love him as much as you say, but in the long run, you will be better off. He isn't the marrying kind for you if he has an affair with another woman and then continues to visit her even though he wants to be real with you. It's obvious he has no respect towards the sanctity of marriage.
2006-08-26 14:53:11 · answer #2 · answered by lilbitadevil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's wrong to generalize. I know many very pretty girls who have a beautiful heart and are intellegent too. But i do agree with you to a certain extent, i think we should go for personality more. A person who is very good looking, man or women, can be very full of themselves, it causes problems, insecurity and loss of trust in a relationship. Always marry someone who is the same attractiveness as you, because when they're more attractive, they get on their high horses and thats when problems begin. I think you naturally become attracted to people through their personalities. If you have an average looking man/women with a great personality, you will start to think they are better looking than they really are because you're attracted to them by their heart. Those are the best relationships.
2016-03-26 21:18:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow....it's a tough situation and decision. If I were in your shoes, I would, as painful as it is, break it off and give him a chance to decide what he wants. It's hard to go from one realationship to another without time to grieve the loss of a relationship and move on. That takes time and as long as he feels like he does there really is no healthy chance for the two of you. Besides, don't you deserve to have someone who is yours...heart and soul. Don't be sloppy seconds. If it was meant to be then the time apart won't really matter. Who knows maybe you will have a different view on the whole issue when you are not so involved.
2006-08-26 14:47:11 · answer #4 · answered by bellamonster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No... you can't and should never commit yourself to a man who is in love with another woman. You will always be the good girl to her wh*ore. Everyone knows... good girls always finish last and every man remembers his first love, but never forgets his first who*re. And there is a huge difference...
and I don't mean that [who*re] in a negative sense as in being mean or insulting... It is just a fact of life and I am using the words they don't teach you in health class... But should!
It is a strange phenomon.... Sex is king and an older woman will always have something over on you that wrentches his heart right out of his chest.
Not to mention... Women are catty and controlling and since she already owns his penis... She owns his heart. One is the lock and the other is the key. Women know that there is the possibility of losing what they feel they own... and she will take him, just because she knows you want him. Then toss him when she ruins your prospects.
It is life in the animal kingdom!
I suggest you go for some sex lessons and learn to ROCK HIS WORLD!
Either that... or get to know his mother... and act just like her!
Have you considered the fact that he may not want you to meet each other because you look like one another? ewwwww
THAT... would piss me off to the umpteenth degree!
2006-08-26 14:50:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, ask yourself if he is really worth the risk of having your heart broken or being disappointed. If you truly believe that this guy is worth taking the risk for, go for it. You may be right and end up happy together. However, don't be stupid, if you feel like he is cheating or mysterious things just keep happening.....ditch him!
And lastly do be sure to ask your friends and family what they think about him. If they have a bad feeling about this guy, they are probably right.
2006-08-26 15:22:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. I can certainly empathize with your situation. I think you sound like an intelligent woman with good sense. Continuing a relationship with a man who's heart is somewhere else seems like an exercise in futility and a great way to inflict a lot of pain on yourself in the future. You know he is way off base with this behavior. You don't deserve it.
2006-08-26 14:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, your over reacting.
It is possible to love more than one man or one woman.
Don't you have more than one friend yourself you love, more than one family member you love...when you have kids...won't you love all 5 or 10 of your kids the same. There is no limit to love.
No you can't choose who you love but you can choose to be a witch or not. Loosen up and enjoy your life. Its okay to have friends no matter what their sex is.
If it bothers you that much, then you really don't love him and don't respect him for his true self and you are just waiting for all these YAHOO's to give you a reason to dump him so it won't be your fault. It will be Yahoo's.,
2006-08-26 14:44:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you know in you heart he loves her still and you dont want to marry him with him feeling like only you know what you can do. you need to talk to him and tell him your feelings and let him know you cant go on feeling like that. and if you keep dating him your heart will end up broken.i dont see why he wouldnt want you to meet this woman, if it was so pointless and stupid he wouldnt even need to keep seeing her or it wouldnt be an issue about you meeting her. i hope everything works out for you. good luck
2006-08-26 14:48:16 · answer #9 · answered by cindyanne41 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that. I would say you have to make a decision. Are you willing to be with a man that doesn't want to totally commit to you? I think you would be cheating yourself if you stayed. I'm sure you could find someone that is willing to commit to you and only loves you. My advice get out!!!
2006-08-26 17:09:23 · answer #10 · answered by ethel67 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋