can you tell me a limerick?

Question

anything will do crude/ rude/ otherwise.
top points to the funniest.

Answer 1

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies came only from God.
T'wasn't the Almighty
Who lifted her nightie.
T'was Roger the Lodger, the sod !!


There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a ****
But think of the money I save".

There once was a man from Bel Air,
Who was doing his girl on the stair.
When the banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.


There once was a man from Peru,
who fell asleep in a canoe,
while dreaming of venus,
he played with his penis,
and woke up with a hand full of goo.

Answer 2

Listen Listen the cat is pissin
Where where under the chair
wheres the chair
its in the grass
wheres the grass ts up me ***

there was a young from madrid
who swore she could never be rid
along came an italian
with balls like a stallon
who rode her like billy the kid

Answer 3

There Once was a Man called Reg

Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge

Along came his wife

With a big Carving Knife

And cut off his meat and two veg

There once was a technician named Lil.
That took a chance on a Nuclear Pill.
They found her vagina,
in South Carolina,
and her boobs in a tree in Brazil!

Answer 4

There was a young lady named Kite
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She left home one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

There once was a fly on the wall
I wonder why didn't it fall
Because its feet stuck
Or was it just luck
Or does gravity miss things so small?

There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a large wart on her nose.
When she had it removed
Her appearance improved,
But her glasses slipped down to her toes.

Answer 5

There was a young mother called Levi
If she never got sex then she would cry
then her partner came home
slipped her a length of his bone
and pumped out his load into her eye

thats why your avatar has one eye shut

well you did suggest crude or rude !!!

Answer 6

There was an old lady from Steen,
who's musical sense was not keen.
She said that it's odd, but I can not tell God
Save the weasel from Pop Goes the Queen

Answer 7

there was an old tortoise named levi
who thought she was incredibly clevi
she could write a limerick
as fast as bo derek
and still have time left for a bevi

Answer 8

There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She lay on her back
Opened her _____
And p*ssed all over the ceiling

I'm sure you can fill in the missing word...

Answer 9

there was a young sailor called Cropper He had a bit of a whopper Twice round his neck And once round the deck And up his a*** for a stopper

Answer 10

There was a young girl from Madras,
Who had a magnificent ***.
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think,
But was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.