Am I gay/bi?

Question

I met this girl, and I really like her. She is absolutely gorgeous and very intelligent. I think about her constantly, and I have told her how I felt. But, I have feeling for a guy. Am I gay?

I feel like everytime I see her, my day is enlightened. I would withstand all of hell to hold her hand.

Answer 1

Everyone is born bi, and it is a process of conditioning and choice to be heterosexual. Notice that I said the choice is to limit oneself to heterosexuality when evrybody is basically bisexual. Normally, as we develop we develop to be heterosexual, which is humaities way of procreating. It can happen that we get some feelings for someone of the same sex, but that does not mean that we are no longer heterosexual. It is a mistake to think that one experience, one thought, or a time of confusion locks us into a gay lifestyle.
Sometimes we can bond with a person of the same sex that is not really sexual per se, but is an identification with that person,, kind of like it is normal to do with our mothers very early on, and that boys normally do with their fathers. Sometimes a child does not bond normally with the parent of the same sex, and this need for bonding transfers to another person that we admire and want to emulate. People often have a 'best friend' , which is a close relationship like you mention.

So,, the label "gay" is really often overused, when a person is experiencing something, and they shouldn't be labelled that way.
You are a girl that is experiencing some feelings about a woman that you admire, wanting to be close to her.... no label.

Answer 2

I am not sure of what sexual orientation you are but you are certainly a little confused. So what, you met a another woman that you think is great. It's called "admiration". Not to be confused with love. Now if this other girl is gay and she wants to be with you then you are opening up yourself to a sexual relationship that may not be in your favor. I think this kind of thing happens more than we know.

Being gay is a decision! I don't care how many people tell you that they knew that they were gay since 3years old, at some point they had to have made a DECISION to act on that impulse! The rest is up to you my lady!

Answer 3

words like gay and bi have pictures associated with them that often correspond to a culture, so don't let anyone else define you. If you identify as gay, then no one can tell you that you aren't. Same if you identify as bi, or hetero. The important thing is to know that you are a valid human being who can color outside of the lines of any label, reject any label, stretch any label, create any lable you want.

You've already said that you like her. That realization belongs to you and is not for anyone else to validate or invalidate. so, only you can decide if that warrents any significant identity change to you or not.

Whatever happens with this situation, don't despair. i know it sounds cheesy, but stay true to yourself, not popular opinion.

meanwhile, here are some great sites that discuss identity liberation ^_^ and exploar the pros and cons of labels and personal identity

http://groups.myspace.com/genderschmender
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=fallen2gariel
www.nodesignation.com

Answer 4

Don't worry about it. The magic of being a girl is that you can go make out with this friend of yours, and then walk away from it if you want to and still be like "I'm not a lesbian, but I made out with this one friend of mine and it was really hot."

Guys can't do that. They can't be like "well, I'm not gay but I was working out with mike and I like his muscles so we made out this one time..." Doesn't work. You're either gay or you're not.

So do whatever comes naturally to you and your friend. If you find in the future that you like women exclusively, then you can be gay. If you just like other girls sometimes, you are bi, if that. Generally, you're not bi or gay unless you want an exclusive relationship with a woman. If you just want to make out with one occasionally there is a word for that too. It's called "Dream girl friend."

- Cai

Answer 5

I think women in general are more open to seeing the beauty inside a person and also appreciating their intelligence. And usually everyone has had at least one thought flit through their brain that made them question their sexual orientation. Just continue being you and see the beauty in everyone around you...male and female. Just because you find someone attractive should not immediately mean you want to have sex with them. Even guys, if they are honest, would tell you they check other guys out in the gym. It's human nature to appreciate the human form.

Answer 6

i believe u r bi, not gay. gay is a term for guys that like guys, lesbian, is girls that like girls, and of course bi, is for someone who likes both. if ur bi, thats fine. nothing really wrong with it at all. im straight but i dont care if any of my friends turn the other direction.

Answer 7

Bi

Answer 8

Do you want to kiss this girl, do you have sexual fantasies about her? More importantly, if the occassion arises, would you make your move? There's your answer right there. It is normal for girls to like other girls and admire her beauty...but most of the time, it's the girl's aura and personality that draws and attracts you to her. Perhaps she is different and unlike any other girl that you've met. Give it some time before you jump to conclusions regarding your sexuality.

Answer 9

a person who likes both men and women are bi. nothing wrong about it. i have a couple friends who are lesbian/gay/ and one of my best friends is bi.

Answer 10

I think that you are in a point of self definiton. There is nothing wrong to be bi.