I am a young mother & fiance and am looking for some advice. I just caught my finace of 4 years with another woman...he swears that they are done, but is still living with her! He distanced himself 1 yr ago, started dabbling with porn & then ended up involved with her. We have discussed the affair, have been trying to work things out and things were slowly getting a little better, but I am having trouble trusting him again.All of a sudden he really won't talk to me, second guesses everything I say/do, etc. Worst of all is that he has stopped providing financial support for our son. Speaking of our son, is it normal to have the feeling of not wanting to be a mom anymore? I feel horrible for even thinking it, but my life would be sooo much less complicated without my son right now. Am I the only one & is it just related to the fact that his father & I are going through such rough times? What can I do to make him see how much he is hurting me--and in the end his son? HELP!
2006-08-26 11:45:11 · 14 answers · asked by mamitasaritabendita 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'd call off the engagement, and get a lawyer to help you get the child support he is denying to your child.
When you are in a situation like this, providing for a child puts a lot more stress on you, so sure, it would not be inconceivable that you would want to escape from your duties as a mom. Unfortunately, you can't, you are your kid's mom forever. I'd try to be as civil as I could with the father for your child's sake and then move on. This man is not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
2006-08-26 11:56:31 · answer #1 · answered by G.V. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on dear. And understand, unfortunately some people aren't going to accept that what they've done is wrong and accept that they're actually hurting others. He's hurting himself in the long run. Right now you should concentrate on making you and your son happy. Yeah, sometimes you're gonna think that maybe you're life would be easier without your son, but if you truly love him, you'll realize that your life would be emptier without him. Don't let your bad feelings torwards the father upset your relationship with your son. And if your bad feelings continue, maybe you should ask your doctor for an antidepressant. They've helped millions of people so far, me included. Life just keeps getting tougher every generation. Happiness is harder to find because so many people have allowed greed and self absorption to take over them. Be strong, and if you believe in God, pray. There's always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's just some rainbows are longer than the others.
2006-08-26 12:02:29 · answer #2 · answered by 80shairbands 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all you need to get him the hell out of your life who needs that crap not you thats for sure.he will never stop once a cheater always a cheater take it from someone who was in that position they always say it wont happen again and it does over and over and over again.luckly im not with that *** any more.cant you see the signs he has already hurt you enough.and if he is your fiance why is he living with HER that make no since at all.are you so blind that u think nothing is going on?save yourself and your child its not fair to either of you.we heal as adults but its a lot harder for our children.and as far as not want your child around right now that is normal too there all times we all feel that way im sure but they are part of us and we can not leave without them so we do what we have to do to make great for them.remember he doesnt understand what is going on but they can feel when something is wrong so make the best of it for him.your going through a lot now and he needs more compforting that u do.you have to put yourself second when u have children.you cant make your fiance see anything he doesnt want to see they dont change no matter if there is children involved or not so help yourself and your baby move on it hurts for awhile but we get over it and one day youll find the man that you and your child deserve.
2006-08-26 12:07:43 · answer #3 · answered by nvvlewis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am only going to give advice as a mother. The whole fiance thing is secondary to your son. I have days with my daughter where I just want to scream in frustration at her. I go through the whole regret thing as well. That is part of being a mother. Everyone goes through it but no one wants to admit it for fear of being judged as a bad parent. My daughter is five and at this age it is absolutly impossible to have a calm loving conversation with her. It is all about drama for her. I talk to her when she is sleeping. that is when I appreciate having her in my life. next time you put your son to sleep. Watch him for a while and remember how good you felt when they put him in your arms for the first time. This is when he is most peaceful and you can appreciate having him in your life. During the day I am sure he is tantruming and demanding and under stress because he can feel what you are going through. During the day it is hard to appreciate all that motherhood has to offer. I hope this helps.
2006-08-26 12:11:51 · answer #4 · answered by Nancy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry that you have to go through a uncausable situation with this man who knows he is in the wrong. You gotta sit this man down and let him know you will not be second to noone. What so upsetting is that he is telling you lines and probably throwing her the same lines. I been there and I know your feelings. You don't deserve this from him and I know that you love him you been with him for 4 years and you gave birth to a son of his. Don't think that way about your son being that your life will be so complicated he didn't ask to be in this world. You need to sit him down and tell him how you are feeling about you'll relationship. People is going to tell you you don't deserve this from a man and you don't but when you truly love someone its hurt to let them go. If you need a friend to email to talk to feel free to email me for any advice. Your son will be there for you when noone else will. what goes around comes around believe me he will get it the long run. You don't do noboby wrong. Keep ya head up my dear.
2006-08-26 12:11:47 · answer #5 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chica, if this is how you are really feeling, get some counseling before we all see you splatted on the front page. 2006's Andrea Yeates, Dianne Downs or Susan Smith. Get out, get over him and realize that that little boy did not chose to be here. You brought him into this world with a promise of love. Now get over yourself and be a Mom. Good luck
2006-08-26 12:05:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the man insists on seeing this other woman then i think that you should attempt to get out of the relatonship. its not healthy for you or your son to be going through the stress. as for your boy, how old is he? could you possibly have post partum depression? Feeling like things would be easier without your son is wrong, i think it would be easier without the man! He isn't respecting you and he isn't showing you that he loves you. what kind of husband will that make? take your boy, get some help and attemp to get on with your life at least for your son's sake. Good luck :)
2006-08-26 11:53:44 · answer #7 · answered by XxbrooklynnxX 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your son is the most important thing. focus on him because he needs you now more than ever. as far as the father goes ,let the sucker go. he's a liar and a cheat. Go places to meet new people and don't let that man see you need him. Y ou have to show him life goes on with or without him. I'm sure you are a very sweet person and someone eles will see that and sweep you off your feet. DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN U DESERVE!!!!!!
2006-08-26 11:59:40 · answer #8 · answered by big_sexy215 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As for the guy - move on. He's done with you and considering that's he's cheated on you and isn't providing for his son - he's not someone worth keeping.
As for your son - you might wish that you didn't have him but when you sit down and really think about it - what would your life be without him? Would you want to give up the precious moments of seeing him smile? laughing so hard that he almost falls down? telling you he loves you? running to you for comfort when he skins his knee? He's an amazing source of joy and love. Cherish him but don't beat yourself up for when you have a moment of weakness.
2006-08-26 11:56:47 · answer #9 · answered by sunssecret 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things don't sound like they're getting better per what you've mentioned. Listen to that little voice telling you something's not right because you have reason. That feeling is probably related more to your issues right now but don't take it out on your son. Love him even more because if his dad walks out on y'all, you are all he has. Best of luck
2006-08-26 12:24:47 · answer #10 · answered by NicNac 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋