He has been abusive. Both of us have had affairs that we have worked through. We have three children together. I wouldn't give him my email password so he threatened divorce. I gave him the password. He than said he was still getting a divorce and now won't answer the phone or return my calls. I don't want a divorce and can't handle this added stress. What do I do???
2006-08-26 11:21:47 · 40 answers · asked by breaker_1020 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You mean you haven't done anything wrong lately? Maybe he's still pissed about the affair. Maybe you gave him your password after you erased all the messages from your latest squeeze. Maybe he knows you better than you think? Maybe you want to find a way to undo damage that can't be undone. Maybe you're screwed, but without the fun part.
2006-08-26 11:29:42 · answer #1 · answered by Grist 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all get a grip, and then think about what is best for you and your children. If you are in an abusive relationship so are the children. I build my life around my kids after my divorce. I did not want a divorce but I had to think of ME and MY CHILDREN. It sound like he is making a fuss about petty things because there is no trust between the two of you or he could just want a divorce, once the trust is gone it is hard trying to make a relationship work. Good luck
2006-08-26 12:13:13 · answer #2 · answered by kitten 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have him sit down and you two have to talk like the adults that you are. You have 3 kids, wether you like it or not they are now involved in this chaos. Think of them as well. Tell him you need to talk to him and you'd like for him to listen. Do not scream, fuss or fight but talk in a calm, mature, manner. Look at him in the eyes and tell him that you need him to tell you why he is wanting a divorce in a hurry as he is-althought you may know the reasons why you want to hear it from HIM once more, and ask him if it is worth getting a divorce over and if it's possible to give the wilted relationship another chance, like you 2 were before you got married or at the beg. of the marriage. Bring up the kids and how they will grow up. Try to talk it over before any drastic changes. Suggest a counsler-ask him if he;d like that as well. Try everything beefore going for the last resort. If you two can't handle one another it's probably best to get a divorce, sometimes it's for the best. If he is abusive, you def. need to leave NOW. You do not want your kids to see mommy getting beat up by daddy. Funny thing is that you 2 have three children, how is that possible when you are fighting the way you are? LOL. It's obvious you're not fighting the in bedroom but get along VERY well, indeed ;) Just an observation hehe. Good luck.
2006-08-26 17:20:39 · answer #3 · answered by NO♥NAME 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could pretty much look at the divorce idea as just another move in this situation. People get all freaked when their partners say they want a divorce. Actually does not make that much difference. Just another move in the dance. You could ride out the stress. Another thing, doing something because someone threatens to make trouble does not sound like the greatest idea.
2006-08-26 11:37:01 · answer #4 · answered by wellbeingwiz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first. of all if you know that you haven't done anything wrong since your affair then u shouldn't have anything to hide. but maybe he does and that is why he is acting the way he is right now. give him some space and eventually he will realize that what is outside needs to stay just that outside. but you have to stop stressing over it take a day to relax get a massageand focus on you and your kids but if the divorce goes down they will need you to be strong for them. if he hasn't gone to a lawyer yet then the divorce is just a threat. so until u see the paper work don't worry, idle threats, is the devils workshop
2006-08-26 11:29:25 · answer #5 · answered by ms1choc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey if he beats you RUN LIKE HELL.......... pack your kids up and go!!!!! There is no excuse for someone beating on another and you shouldn't have respect for someone like that and want to stay with them. If you fight and argue and its gets physical or not its still abuse and neglect to your children. If you want to keep them and keep them safe then you need to get out. Most of the time it starts with the woman and moves on to the children. For the safty of yourself and your children RUN!! If you have filed reports with the local police department of the abuse then you have it on record that he is abusive and won't loose your chilren. Actually a judge will look down more on him. The stress you don't need is wondering if you pissed him off enough to beat on you tonight or if you had been good enough and won't get hurt. Sign the papers when they come for a divorce and remember you don't need his stress of beating on you. I am telling you this from the view of the abused and neglected child....... because my mother failed to leave I was beaten and abused for years and have never fully recovered from foster homes, court cases, police and social workers. Now I am 26 with a husband and children of my own. And I still remember what Daddy did to Mommy. And in the back of my mind I still worry about becoming the abuser, because they say that when you are raised in a house of viloence you also can become the Abuser or more likely the victim when you are older. You don't want your children getting into relationships where they get beaten and abused. STOP THE CHAIN NOW AND PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN........... PLEASE I BEG YOU!
2006-08-26 11:34:14 · answer #6 · answered by Calindy D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he is ABUSIVE, that's enough of a reason to get a DIVORCE...PLus anytime someone THREATENS you to give him your password....you need to get rid of him>>>>He WANTS A DIVORCE...so there is nothing you can do...HE WANTS a divorce....You have to let him go....that's it....i am sorry about the 3 children, but he wants a divorce...You will have to give it to him!!!I am sorry for your loss...But it takes TWO to make a marriage...NOT one...and you are the only one that is trying to make it work...it will not work....so sorry!!(Now that he has your password, he will find out what you are up to!!!)
2006-08-26 11:32:31 · answer #7 · answered by sweet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you so afraid of that you think it's better to stay with someone who is abusive? You've both had affairs so I can't see that there is any real love on either side, so you're hanging onto what exactly?
You need to get a life, develop some self-esteem and confidence - you only live once so don't keep wasting it!
2006-08-26 11:55:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here are my two rules for marriage (and all relationships for that matter):
1. No violence or abuse
2. No cheating
Everything else is negotiable but the above rules, break them once and the relationship is over.
It's time for a divorce, if not for your sake, then for your children. You have an obligation to teach them that a marriage is also about mutal respect. Respect is not a part of your marriage and never will be.
A great book for you: "When Happily Ever After Ends"
2006-08-26 11:48:58 · answer #9 · answered by amyaliceco 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all sweety, the second he laid a hand on you should have been a red flag, but then you both go and have affairs, gee that would have been a second red flag and finally when he demanded and threw the fact of a divorce if he couldn't access your email showed no trust, that would have been the last and final flag.
Added stress with that happening, i think a divorce would be a vacation
2006-08-26 11:33:06 · answer #10 · answered by free2chat_tou 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋