how do I convince my wife?

Question

My life left me about 3 months ago.. she says shes going to divorce me. how do I convince her that the last 3 months has given me time to think and reflect.. I dont know so much that I have 'changed' rather the pain of losing her has 'changed' me.. I married her because I want to spend my life with her.. I have never cheated and never would have or will do so.. what can I do or say to make her understand that I love her more than life and I want to work things out rather than just get divorce.. she means everything to me and I dont know what to do without her..

reason she left was because I was an ****** to her.. theres no way around that.. she told me to go to counseling and I just kind of flaked it off.. after she left though...like I said alot of time to reflect.. I start counseling Mon. morning and really want to be a better Husband and a better MAN for that atter.. I miss herso much and am starting to lose hope...

We have been together for 5 years and lived together all but 2 months (and the last 3 months) of that time together.. been married for just over 1 year.

We both live in CA and her parents moved to WA.. so we decided to pack up and move closer to her folks.. I left my whole life behind .. when she left she went back to CA for her old job and she wont talk to me.. I have sent a leter recently.. that I think is my last hope.. I poured myself into it and if that doesnt make her believe I dont think anything ever will

I cant go see her in person she is 1000 miles away... I dont have any $$ to go there or trust me I would have done that by now..!!!

Answer 1

That is so sweet!

Maybe, and I hate to say this, she doesn't feel that way about you anymore. If that is the case then I suggest finding someone who is worth the love that you have to offer.

I wish you luck.

Answer 2

So money must be the issue too. Women want different things all the time. Even with my husband I want things to be different, I tell him that though and it changes because he does love me there is no real answer for this question but if my opinion counts, it sounds like you may need counseling to get over her rather than working things out. Its been a year and the hardest part in a marriage is the first 5 years together and you either work like hell to make it work or it doesn't ever work and either of you should be unhappy. It takes two to make a marriage work. It's not a one-sided deal. You should never have to ever work so hard at a marriage though because it either comes together, or falls apart.

Answer 3

Think about why she left. It wasn't over nothing. And you say you haven't changed.

I think the typo in your first sentence is an interesting one.

Anyway, what evidence should give her confidence that she will have a truly good marriage if she were to reconcile with you? Talk is cheap. What are your own goals for both of you, that would make her coming back make sense??? I doubt, if you "love her more than life", that your relationship would get to a point at which she could no longer stand to live with you.

In a way you sound sincere, but it also still sounds like reconciling is about what you feel, you want, you need. What about her and what she deserves? Seriously?

Answer 4

I have to say this, but it may be too little too late. It sounds like she gave you plenty of opportunities to get yourself together and you blew it off. Maybe this is a good life lesson for you. I would continue with the counseling. You will have another love in your life at some point and this is something you dont want to happen again. A word of advice, you can go too far. She is obviously moving on with her life, let her go.

Answer 5

offer to go to marriage counseling something isn't adding up if ur all that good etc are u a drinker? abuser .. or did she cheat on u and is guilty whats the reason.. well anyway sorry but it don't look good 3 months is a long time to be away .. without counseling. i know how u feel. loss of any relationship is like death it takes ur spirit away but know this.. to feel self worth u don't need a spouse or lover etc know who u are and do what u can offer her and u counseling. By the way u can contest a divorce then it holds it up by one yr to get one.. each time u contest it it costs her money for the lawyer.. in New York State it costs 5,000 to contest not for u for her.. as u held it up u have one yr then to work on it.. u made a vow ur living up to it back in grannies days if divorces was so easy they wouldn't have stayed married fro 50 yrs they knew hardships and love and commitments and in sickness and in health for good or bad times they did it i respect them old people.. and its cool to have a grannie married 50 yrs so don't let her go that easy that's the problem now its to easy to get out of it. tonight listen to this song for u peter gabriel - mercy street .. . hope she has some kind of mercy /peace vikki

Answer 6

Maybe you should call her up and talk to her, see what she has on her mind.
Remember it is easy to say you've changed, it is harder to show her that it is true.
Maybe you should try to court her like taking her out on a date doing something she enjoys and talk, talk , talk.
Bring her flowers.
You need to show and effort and see where she is standing on the situation, but you also have to repect what she decides she needs to do.
Remember being married and being with a person, the two people are suppose to lift eachother up, support what the other person likes and dislikes are, you don't have to agree but don't put one another down.
good luck
Just remember if you don't get back together the two of you may become better friends.

Answer 7

This is going to be hard for you to hear, but if you truly love her, you are going to have to let her go. Giving her a divorce is the only way now to show her respect and love. I think you made a mistake when you lived with one another for so long before making the decision to marry. Please consider this: when someone says, "I want you to live with me," what they are really saying is, "I'm not sure I want to marry you." This is a hard lesson for you to learn but it will make you a better man in the long run.

Answer 8

Well...you just have to tell her how you feel. Write her a letter telling her all the things you told us here. Once you've done that, the ball will be in her court and it will be up to her to decide whether or not she will return to you. You can do all the convincing you want, but if being with you is not what she wants, I'm afraid that you just have to accept her decision and move on with your own life. There's nothing you can do if they don't want to be with you anymore. We can't control the choices others make. We can't tell them how they should feel and what they should do. Sorry.

Answer 9

sometimes when a female gets really sick of a mans **** ,,they get to the point where there is no going back to the relationship thinking that you have not learned your lesson and will never change. if it wasnt worth it to you in the first place when things were bad to change its going to be hard to believe that you have changed in 3 months time, and shes gonna think that you only want her back because she left your ***. an ego thing. u better start begging for forgiveness every min of the day and pray that she wants you bcak. good luck

Answer 10

Forget the letter, Bra - SHOW her you care by going and seeing her in person, and tell her everything you've said here. Tell her you're getting help and ask her for a second chance. If that doesn't work, then I don't know what to tell you other than you've lost her and a very hard lesson learned.

Good Luck, Bra!
Aloha!!

Answer 11

If her mind is made up then she might not change it.Make sure that you have really changed and not just a patch on the problem.Remember that she knows you and if you she may feel that you are doing and saying anything to get her back.If you have truly changed allow her to see that change.Do things for her that you would not normally do.