My husband and both 29 and not officially married but have been together almost 8 years now. To keep up the spark in our relationship we have talked about introducing others into our bedroom life and have played here and there a little and there seemed to be no harm in the relationship. Last night we had gone out and got carried away with the drinking thing and he passed out around midnight during a sexual train that we were in, problem is I was very intxiocated and into the other men in the train. When he awoke he came and found me in the morning still wake having fun with others in another tent and dragged me out in a jelous rage as I was the center of attention with a group of men. I am not proud of what I did and I was aware enough to use condoms but I do not feel as though I am at complete fault as what he is accussing me of. I am asking other couples for advice what to say to my significant other as I was not totally in control of myself and had the perceived thought it was OK.
2006-08-26 09:53:00 · 15 answers · asked by sandra curious 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your both sick and deserve each other.
2006-08-26 09:57:38 · answer #1 · answered by stargazer 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First things first, take responsibility for what you have done. To say you were not totally in control of yourself is bull. Too many people use drinking as an excuse to behave badly. You made a choice to have sex with several men at one time. Own that choice. If you thought what you did had been previously approved by your significant other, then that is what you say to him. I thought we had an understanding that this is what we both wanted to do. If he says he has changed his mind, or denies that he ever agreed then there really is nothing that you can do other than apologize. A word of advice from someone who has been married for 12 years........your playing with fire and this lifestyle can and will ruin your relationship. Stop now while the relationship can still be salvaged.
2006-08-26 13:12:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree don't blame the alcohol, you need to take accountability for your actions and your actions alone, because remember you were aware enough to use protection. Although you had what most would call implied consent. And depending on what state you live in you could be married by common law. Which could be in-forced and you could get a class B misdemeanor. But unlikely!!! If you are going to get into the swingers groups you need to both be OK with it and make an agreement. That maybe if one passes out then the fun is over. Only have fun parties where both parties are awake. You both are at fault in this situation. You have to sit and look at both sides of the story. When you get into the swinging life you have to think of both peoples feelings. Am I pleasing this man more then I do him and is he pleasing his woman partner more then he does me. Its a complex mental game that you both have to be mentally and emotionally ready for. Just remember that when you both started this it was a joint consent and he has to remember that he entered into that agreement when you started. You BOTH need to sit and talk, no yelling and decide exactly who, what, where, when, why and how this kind of relationship will either terminate or go on. Remember to be understanding to his views and ask him to be the same with yours. Good, luck and if you need anything more don't be shy to ask.
2006-08-26 10:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by Calindy D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all - you do not have a "husband". Nor - from what you describe do you have a loving relationship. Sounds more to me like you are simply sex buddies. Until you both start conducting yourselves as mature adults - this relationship is doomed. Things like you are describing have a strange way of coming back to haunt you. How do you explain things to your child someday when a complete stranger comes up to you in a store one day and says "Hey - didn't I pull a train with you once!" For God's sake - develop a little self respect
2006-08-26 10:18:50 · answer #4 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as you're the two delicate with the belief, choose for it. tens of millions of ppl carry third or 4th events interior the mattress room to spice issues up. continuously placed on secure practices, that's undemanding experience. additionally bear in ideas, you may set obstacles with your husband. there could be a gamble of him loving what the different occasion has to furnish or you loving what the different occasion has to furnish. i might recommend you 2 continuously be open and truthful so there is basically no longer any jealousy themes. it somewhat is commencing Pandora's field, so be arranged. you do no longer pick 2 of the 4 sneaking off in secrecy to start an affair, so which you are going to be open with one yet another approximately your adventure and settle for that certainly one of you, if no longer the two certainly one of you, might desire to be certain the different occasion back.
2016-09-30 00:47:38 · answer #5 · answered by lavinia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This lifestyle you've both chosen to live is detrimental to your relationship, since now he's jealous of your frolicking.
I would suggest that you both reaffirm your commitment to each other by not buying "tickets" for this "sexual train" anymore, and just be adventurous with each other from now on.
2006-08-26 10:10:32 · answer #6 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even if you are not officially married you seem to be acting "married" and a marriage as well as a healthy sex life is between a man and a woman which love one another. Preferably with a commitment to one another joined by God.
2006-08-26 10:03:28 · answer #7 · answered by bigred 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He took you to an orgy, and complains you had sex. Did he plan on playing checkers? Charades? While I don't think swinging is a wise choice, for him to get mad is silly. Don't let him lay some guilt trip on you. I'll bet he drove, when you went, so he didn't think you were going to a church bingo party.
2006-08-26 10:58:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ventrued into DANGEROUS terrritory when you chose to bring others into your relationship. He sounds like as lon gas he's doing it at the same time its OK. But it's not OK at any time. I honestly dont think you two have a real chance..sorry
2006-08-26 10:28:40 · answer #9 · answered by MandaSue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is never ok to cheat. i am not trying to be mean but if you were aware enough to use condoms and knew enough so you can post it on yahoo answers, then you knew what you were doing. it was your fault because it was your choice unless your life was threatened. but that is what happens when couples bring in more people to their sex life.
2006-08-26 10:43:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... Something similar happened to someone I know. This is something people don't realize.When people discuss fantasies someone needs to say all i want this to be is just a fantasy nothing more. Because if you don't then those sorta things happen.
2006-08-26 10:49:38 · answer #11 · answered by personality_98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋