This is hard, and I need help....?

Question

Ok. If you read some of my last questions, you will see how I was debating leaving my hubby. I can't put up with abuse anymore, so I am leaving.
I started by opening another account with my name only and had my paychecks deposited there. Secondly, I found and applied for an apartment close to work. I got it!Now I am moving in 2 weeks.
Basically last night, I told him I wanted to separate(for the millionth time). He said he would follow me home and find out where I lived(if I left him). So I said "well, i guess I will have to get a PFA(police protection) from you then, so u won't kill me.", he then replied with"If you did that, it would only piss me off more, and u wouldn't see the gun".
Now, he does not know I have the apartment. He knows only that I am wanting to separate. So my question to you guys is:
How do I tell him? I know everyone is gonna say tell him quickly! But I am scared. We came up with this: Move out while he's at work. What do you all think???

My parents are behind me 100%, they and my 2 brothers are helping me move.

The abuse was never physical, just very verbal and emotional.

Answer 1

If he has made threats -- and it looks like he has -- you should move to your new apartment while he isn't home.

Once you're there, get a protective order to keep him away from you.

Since you're a nurse, it may be possible to change your shift, which would make it more difficult to follow you home from work.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I agree move out while he is at work. Make sure that the day you move you have a working phone in your new place or a cell phone near you at all times.

Inform your landlord about your husband once you've signed the lease ofcourse. Give him or her a desciption of him and his vehicles. So they can keep an eye out for him as well.

Tell your landlord you have a PFA on him and that they should call the police imediately if they see him.

Make sure that you do get a PFA on him. He is threating your life. Don't take any chances. Tell the police that he is threating to kill you.

Also inform your employer about you situation so they can help keep an eye out for him as well to keep you safe at work. And maybe they can have a security guard walk you to your vehicle when you get off of work.

And if it is at all possible use someone elses car for a while. Make sure he doesn't know what the car looks like. Or trade yours in for a different one. That way he won't know who you are.

You are doing the right thing leaving this jerk. Hopefully he is just blowing alot of hot air because he is angry.

When you move out leave him a letter pinned to the front door or in a place where you know he will find it. Tell him that he knew this was coming and you never wanted to leave him like this but that he just wouldn't listen to reason when you tried to talk with him about seperating.

This is the only explanation that he needs. You don't owe him anything else.

Also be leary of friends that you share because they could tell him where you moved. I wouldn't tell any of them until after you are sure things have calmed down and that you are certain he won't hurt you.

I really hope that things start looking up for you soon. Be safe and take care of your self. When you have sucsessfully completed your objective let us know how you are.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I haven't seen the other question you refered to --- you mentioned that you are in an abusive relationship, you should have filed a police report for those incidences. That way, if anything really awry happens because of your husband there is a case history available.

With regards to the threats, put your own number on speed dial and call yourself on your cell when you talk to your husband and leave the voicemail on so that it records your conversation. You can then record your voicemail onto tape and make several copies stored in several locations (1 at home, 1 at work, 1 with a friend etc)

With regards to moving out, you should have started with a change of job so that your husband do not know where to wait for you when you get off your work to go home.

Then you should just move out when he is not around.

You might also install some security cameras inside and outside your new apartment (there are some inexpensive ones available).
Get to know your new neighbors and if you're comfortable with one or two of them let them know your situation and ask them to call the police if they hear any disturbance inside your apartment.

Answer 4

Emotional abuse is hard and I feel for you. I had the same problems I walked around my house for a year wondering what to take and setup a new life. These are the things I came up with, Pictures memories, my degrees, all my financial information,Make sure you have your own credit setup, Have a lawyer, Cash, I had separated all the checking and Savings accounts years ago and the same goes with the credit cards. My ex got me out of the house by calling the police and saying she felt threaten now she is trying to get things that I took even though I paid for everything I took. Oh and I left the marriage debt free. Because of her vindictive personality its now going on three years in the process of divorce

Answer 5

Definitely do it while he is at work, but be aware, because my aunt's husband had a friend and neighbor of his watching their house to let him know if he saw moving trucks or strange activity. So, make sure you dial the local police, so you can just hit redial if he shows up. Also, don't take anything of his when you go, just your stuff. Oh, and definitely get the protective order if he has abused you in the past, what's to stop him now?I have heard of people getting the man served divorce papers at work, this is a bad idea, because it just embarrasses him and enrages him more. After you have moved your stuff out, just leave him a note telling him you have gone. Make sure to tell your employer what is going on in case he makes trouble at your job, so they can be prepared. Hope this helps, and lots of luck to you.

Answer 6

That would probably be the best way to do it. Make sure you make the move when he might not be expecting it as much.You should also go and talk with the local police about what he has said to you, see what they tell you to do. They take these threats pretty serious now because many women have gotten hurt by their husbands because the police failed to do enough. Let them know the day and the location you are moving to, and ask that they do an occasional drive by to see that things are OK. good luck

Answer 7

On my last B/F that beat me all the time I would always leave while he was at work.. thats the best and most safest way to do it. Make sure he won't get off early... B4 he leaves act like there is nuttin wrong an that nuttin unusual is goin on....Or he might leave for a min... Give him time to get to work and then make up a reason to call him as if..were did u put the bread or sumthin that u no he may think that he wouldve misplaced... that way u no he is there and not just drivin round.. God please becareful! Thats a hard thing to get of... As soon as u leave with all your stuff don't leave no trace... Change all addy's tell no one were u live not even ur mom he could trick her or ne body in to givin u up Pllease do it fast an careful

Answer 8

Girlfriend don't tell him just move out and I would get a restraining order as soon as you were moved out if not the day you move out. I have been there and done that. I would also talk to the Police and explain the situation and they will be more then happy to be there while you move your things out if he is going to be there. I would wait till he was gone and leave him a letter. Also Domestic Violence Intervention in your area are very helpful and can help you get a restraining order at no cost to you and will be with you for the process and after. I know the one in my area helped me and we are still close. I truly wish you the best. I have enclosed the link for the National coalition against domestic violence and they will be Abel to direct you to a office in your area.

Answer 9

I would contact a good lawyer before you do anything else. In most case in abuse you can have him removed form the home. Or you can move and have him served papers the same day with order of protection. Anyone with life threats must take them serious and report them ASAP. Stalking is a federal offense these days . and violation of the restraining Order is jail time
I would let family members know and be safe at all times .

Answer 10

Look, don't fool around with this nutcase. Don't even THINK about giving him notice. Don't tell him anything. In fact, you'd be much safer to move into a women's shelter for a time before going to the apartment. Do that even if it's inconvenient for your work. Get the protective order before hand. Alert the police that you are going to move and follow the suggestions of the folks at the women't shelter.

Answer 11

Apply for the police protection order. Talk to him again about leaving - but this time make sure you have a tape recorder so you will have his comments for evidence. Take the recording to the police and they will accompany you to your residence while you move to make sure you are protected since he has threatened you. In the meantime - be packing things and take them out of the house a box at a time while he is at work. Make sure they are things he won't notice missing so he doesn't catch on until it is too late. Good Luck!