I met a very nice young lady on line who is very sweet and kind.I would love to have her as a friend,but not a relationship.We have had sex a couple of times,but she is not my type.She is a large woman and i don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her that this is the reason i don't want to have a relationship with her.I think she is starting to have feelings for me and i really don't like to hurt people's feelings.She has 5 children and she has everything in her personality that i love in a woman,i'm just not attracted to large women.What do i do about this situation?
2006-08-26 06:18:57 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Some people make it really easy for me to throw compassion out the door....
Don't have sex with someone you don't have feelings for. This is probably a large, sensitive woman who is all excited coz she's sure that if you took the time and trouble to meet with her twice or more after only knowing her online, then she must think you have feelings too. The sex might be confusing her too, who knows?
Five children...single or not in stable marriage...she's probably a sweet woman who gives too much too quickly or to the wrong person...and you're going to have to tell her she gave to the wrong person yet again. Be gentle though and she might still speak to you two years from now. Be honest if gentle doesn't get the point across, but don't be mean. There's a difference between breaking the news and being callous. You sound like a nice guy (in spite of having slept with someone you only want as a friend) so I think you'll know how to say it....
2006-08-26 06:28:19 · answer #1 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try saying this to her:
"I am an insensitive jerk. I put my immediate sexual needs in front of your feelings. I never stopped to consider how seeking only to fulfill my needs might hurt others. I like to think I'm not attracted to large women, but the truth is that when I get horny enough I will do anything including you. I'm not mature enough to understand you are a great person and I am so shallow that all I see is your body. Believe me, you will be far better off without a jerk like me. Lets face it even if you were a perfect 10, we both now know that I have no control over my sexual urges. I would end up hurting you sooner or later anyway, and I'm not worth it. Oh, I will rationalize with myself and convince myself that I'm an OK guy, but the truth is I don't even deserve to be in the same room with someone decent and nice like you. I am total scum. The only consolation to you and the rest of the world is that I will probably die young from some sexually transmitted disease."
Try that one out on her. Like I always say, "Why lie when the truth is available?"
2006-08-26 13:28:01 · answer #2 · answered by YahooGuru2u 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She has 5 children? My goodness, it sounds as though she knows not birth control. I just hope she hasn's set her sights on you for # 6. Did you use any kind of birth? First of all, you should have never had sex with her, obviously your penis was thinking for you. Under the circumstances, don't tell her you are not attracted to her, because of her size. Because I can tell you this for sure, she come back at you with,..."I was good enough to f**k!! She obviously has feelings, so try and spare them,......how about you saying, your not ready to be a daddy. The only way that statement might screw you, if you are already a parent yourself. There is no reason you have to be mean and cruel; you sound articulate, so find a kind way to let her down easy. Good luck,.....
2006-08-26 13:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. This one is a tough one. I mean you already led her on. Honestly it's going to be very difficult on her. I'm not trying to make you feel bad just that having sex with her was not a very good idea. It's like now your relationship has gone a little farther. It's best you just be straight forward with her. You shouldn't let this go any further or else you will only make it even more difficult than it already is.
2006-08-26 13:46:12 · answer #4 · answered by Dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you just want to be friends. Its not that hard.
Don't play word games, just be honest. You've led her on enough. Didn't you know that you weren't attracted to large women before you slept with her? Why would you do that if you knew you didn't want a relationship with her?
I think that was an awful thing to do. You don't deserve her friendship.
2006-08-26 13:21:14 · answer #5 · answered by tina m 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
people are so shallow. I hate it. I understand it, but hate it.
you know, if you really care about this women you should give her a chance. She might suprise you. And although you never ever ever should try to change a women or tell them they need to lose weight you could always go on a diet yourself. eat only healthy foods, good portions and get a membership to the gym then ask her to go on it with you. tell her it would help you soo much if you could get in shape with someone as a partner in it. That way you could both help eachother (not saying that you actaully need it or not) and she could lose weight without having it seem like its SO important to you.
2006-08-26 13:28:45 · answer #6 · answered by iloveyouthismuchok 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not really giving her the right signals when it comes to not wanting to be with her. You are sleeping with her! That can really lead people on. I have a feeling you are really going to hurt her feelings. If she is too big to be in a relationship with, then hows come shes not too big to have sex with?!?!?! That really doesn't make sense! You should be really honest with her!
2006-08-26 13:27:00 · answer #7 · answered by MrsFrye 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her that u are looking for someone to start a family with, u don't want to jump into a relationship with a woman who has a family already.
2006-08-26 13:25:23 · answer #8 · answered by nick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth. Maybe she needs to hear it and get motivated to get some of that horribly unhealthy weight off.
NO I'M NOT KIDDING
2006-08-26 13:53:46 · answer #9 · answered by janda10@verizon.net 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to speak it out to her now better than later if you really care about her feelings, no need to tell her about the true reason.
2006-08-26 13:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by chaichi 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋