What do you do when you've been married for almost 14 years and now you're separated?

Question

and you think you should go back to your marriage but you know it's the "right" thing to do but you have this nagging feeling there's something else out there for you? How can you put that feeling behind and be satisfied with your current situation?

Answer 1

CALL.ME.IN.LAVONIA.GA.ICANHELP

Answer 2

consider why you left in the first place. were the 3 A's involved?
Alcohol, Abuse, Adultery? If so, staying is not the right thing to do.

Find a competent marriage and family therapist and make the commitment to stick with therapy for 6 months minimum.

My marriage was 5 weeks shy of 15 years when my divorce was finalized last year. My ex was doing 2 out of the 3 A's, and blaming it all on me...said I was bi-polar..SO NOT!! and used that as an exuse to behave poorly. No amt. of counseling worked and we split. Hardest decision I have ever made, but also the most right. Make sure you are going back for the right reason, and not out of some sense of obligation. When you do make a decision, get right with it and embrace it. No going back and forth. You leave or stay. Choose one and be happy about it. It really is that simple. Been there, hon. I know how you feel. I had 3 boys to consider in the equation as well but they are also better for no more fighting in the home, etc... GL

Answer 3

You are separated for a reason. Find out the specifics of the reasons, see if they can be worked out. IF they cannot be, then move on with your lives. There is NO guarantee the life without eachother will be better, and it could well be worse. You just never know. In the end, this is not a question for us, it is a question for you and your spouse...simple as that. We have no idea what is going on between you two, and it sounds as if you do not either. If I were you, I would make it my business to see what in the world is wrong, can it be fixed, and if so, fix it. After 14 years, the "spark" is gone...normal. But there are so many other things that take its place. Neither of you, I hope, expected butterflies for evermore. And, actually, you can put butterflies back into it if you both play your cards right. Good luck

Answer 4

Follow your heart. If you love your husband, separated or not, make every attempt to correct your current relationship. Start with communication, not arguing. Get friends , family or professional help if necessary. The key to any great relationship is communication. If you can't openly and honestly talk to one another, then like it or not, the marriage is already over.

If there is no love binding you as a couple, no amount of talking or "changing" is going to work. Some relationships have too much emotional baggage to mend. Sometimes the hurt cannot be fixed. If this is the case you would be better off ending your current marriage and learn how to communicate with other members of the opposite sex.

That nagging feeling just might be your heart telling your head (the thoughts) that life is more than a bad time and too short to waste.

If you have children, this complicates the issue, but it should not be the deciding factor.

Answer 5

Well first of all why did you get separated???. Does the good out way the bad?? If you love each other you should sit down and talk honestly about everything.14 years is a long time to throw away but some situations cant be fixed,, don't stay together just for the kids if you have any it doesn't help them.Talk to a counselor or friends{a married couple that would like you to stay together} They can be more honest with you that might see a problem and can help you solve it.......Be honest and good luck

Answer 6

In matters of relationship follow your instincts.Let the heart rule ans prevail.Someone out there - is your imagination and not a fact.Maybe there is someone but when you will find him out , may take long long time but there is always a possibility tahjt there is noone there.You what is right thing to do tahen why not do it.It is evident that you are satisfied with your current situation ( otherwise you won't be asking this Q.) More you try to put this feeling behind more it will confront you.So try to bring about the union.

Answer 7

That depends on if the "something else" means someone else. If you are taking a last good look around before you decide to go back to hubby. If it is DON'T ever go back, cuz that's over. No guy deserves a woman that settles for them- it's just cruel to him. Now, if you mean that you see yourself doing THINGS, then again, probably you should be single. You can't often canoe the Yukon River, or climb mountains in Tibet, while carpooling in Peoria. It's your life, and you gotta choose, and live with the consequences of your choices.

Answer 8

If you moved out there must have been a really good reason. Don't go back unless you are ready to and even at that soul search very hard. Remember you don't want to go through everything again, do u?
Go out with your friends and have fun. Do all the things that you didn't, couldn't wouldn't weren't allowed to do. you will move on happier that before. Good Luck.

Answer 9

If you really feel that way, perhaps you should indeed move on. Doing something just because it's the "right" thing is rarely satisfying. Sounds like you need to examine things and get on with your life "out there."

Answer 10

I was married 13 yrs and thought I was happy. When my ex decided he wanted to have a girlfriend, I sent him packing. It has been 7 yrs since then and it has been probably the happiest 7 yrs of my life.

I would have still been married to him had he not cheated because that was "the right thing to do" So glad he gave me that out!

Answer 11

Do "right" if the stars fall! You know what is right for you in this case, so do it! As far as how to put that feeling behind you, you just move on in your life....go out with friends, meet new people, and develop new interests. Enjoy your life!