I recieved a letter today from an old boyfriend I have not seen in many years. I am married now and I love my husband very much, but I have to admit I still have feelings for my ex. It was a very nice note, not at all romantic, just a friendly "how are you". He also asked about my husband and asked me to say hi for him. I showed my husband the letter and he was suprised but ok with it. My question is, should I respond to this letter or just let it go. Even now my heart is aching to see him. I don't want my marriage to suffer. What should I do? Please be serious as this is serious to me.
2006-08-26 04:13:40 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
While it is true I still have deep feelings for this man, I would never leave my husband or cheat on him. He has stood by me through many things. I am mildly bi-polar and he has never blamed me for anything. Even though it is mild, it sometimes makes me flair with anger, spend a little too much money and be very moody. I love him so very much. My feelings for my ex are because we loved each other passionatly and deeply. Our goals in life were different so we ended up in different states. Long distant love just didn't work for us. Yes I want to see him but I never want to hurt the man that has loved me so much. I hope this helps out a little to explain my dillema
2006-08-26 06:03:17 · update #1
oh yes, I do take my meds religously
2006-08-26 06:05:15 · update #2
Humm....I would suggest talking to your husband about this situation...see if it's OK with him first, I can tell you really want to write back to this old boyfriend so talk to Ur husband and see how he feels about writing him back. Honestly I don't think Ur husband would or even should mind since it's a "friendly letter." It wouldn't hurt to respond to him and let him know how happy you are and what's going on in ur life....hope you make the right choice..good luck Hun...
2006-08-26 04:19:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, can I relate. After getting into a marriage I shouldn't have gotten into in the first place, I found the phone number of The One That Got Away. Killed me to not call him!
While reading your question, one thing seemed to really pop out at me... You've got your husband, but your heart is still "aching to see him". Something doesn't sound right there. Are you getting everything you need from your husband? If I had to make a guess at it, I'd say that you're not. The first thing I'd advise you to do is sit down with your husband and have a candid talk. Don't couch it as "You're not doing this, and you never do this", say it more like "I have these needs, and I wanted to let you know about them. You can't know if I don't tell you, right? And are there any needs that you've got that I could meet better?"
As for the letter, don't answer it. That's temptation right there. And no matter how non-romantic the letter was, if this guy is writing you, he's got feelings for you too. Your husband probably won't admit it, but he's probably a bit on guard and defensive over you since this letter came in. You're HIS wife, is probably what he's thinking.
If you answer the letter, it'll look to him like you're talking to other men. This will hit him squarely in the self-esteem and the pride. You may not mean it that way, but to a point, that's how it'll come off.
If you don't answer it and throw it away, then you'll be giving him the message that you don't really care about other men, and that he's the one that's important to you. If you do toss the letter, tell your husband that you did it. If he asks why, tell him that you tossed it because you've already got all the man you could want right here.
Guess which one I'd advise you to do? :)
2006-08-26 04:26:01 · answer #2 · answered by *huge sigh* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ignore the letter. You might ruin a good marriage if you have an affair and from what you say it seems you might since you still have feelings for him. Bury the past. The lovey-dovey strong romantic passion only lasts a few years in any marriage to be replaced by a deep attachment. Many marriages break up because people think the passion can last forever. It doesn't. Not for anyone. Be happy for what you have.
2006-08-26 04:28:52 · answer #3 · answered by Superstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is a problem for you then you have more to worry about than just answering the letter. I am glad to see that you shared the letter with your husband but you make me wonder about your relationship when you say your heart aches to reconnect with your ex. . I would bet you haven't been open about your emotional reaction to the letter.
If your feelings were not that strong I would say then go ahead and answer but because they are then to do so could threaten your relationship. Let it go.
PS maybe get some counselling about why you still feel this strongly and how to deal with it.
2006-08-26 04:21:22 · answer #4 · answered by jgreaves 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not answer his letter if there is any danger of hurting your marriage. You are too emotional right now to communicate with him. Put the letter away for at least a month. Don't think about it. Think about your wonderful understanding husband. After your emotions have calmed, read the letter again. Put it away if you get emotional again. When you can read the letter and feel only a friendship, you can answer it. Keep it light and friendly. Nothing personal. He may give it to his wife to read!
2006-08-26 04:22:46 · answer #5 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you still have feelings for him, for the love of God, don't do it. Your husband is only OK with it because he doesn't know you still have these feelings. This could stir things up and get something started and put your marriage in jeopardy.
If you didn't have any feelings, then I would say, you and your husband should have him over for a barbecue. But since you admit you still feel something, this is risky. You need to put closure to this left over emotion baggage.
2006-08-26 05:12:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always, always go with your gut feelings. Although, sometimes that's not so simple. So here's a few options.
1. You can not reply at all, if you know that any contact will spark something up, and you feel disrepectful to your marriage
2. You can go ahead and see him, but have your husband tag along...you'll be able to handle it; you're just having a few good memories.
3. You can finish this nice and neat by writing him back and thanking him for asking about you, and no invitation for correspondence...so, no "write me bac!" or anything.
2006-08-26 04:17:50 · answer #7 · answered by happyfarah88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt your husband was OK with the letter. Consider yourself being tested right now. Your hubby is waiting to see your next move. If you respond you can kiss your marriage goodbye. Straight guys do not have platonic friends, they have angles. If you still have feelings for your ex, you might consider getting some counseling for yourself so you can give your hubby his allotment of you, rather than whats left over.
2006-08-26 04:28:48 · answer #8 · answered by MAD MEL 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all if you still have feeling for your ex then why be marry that not right. Second i would talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about writting to him and see how he feel. because what if your husband get mad you know. but i mean if i was in your shoes. i wouldnt write back to him or think about him put those feeling behind you. for the fact that you are marry. good luck not try to be mean
2006-08-26 04:18:03 · answer #9 · answered by Melda R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you can keep it friendly with the guy then sure write back or call, but to me it seems like you still have feelings and it won't stay friendly. So, I don't recommend it if you don't want your marriage to suffer.
2006-08-26 04:17:35 · answer #10 · answered by Justin D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋