Married 17 yrs & struggling financially. I've always made more money & am tired of it; shouldnt he do more?

Question

I appreciate the feedback. I've always worked except a few months here and there to have children - we have 3. He is educated & chose to go into business with his father-only his father really benefited-we were asked to manage from my salary so that funds can go back into the business-10 years I'll never get back. Then he decided to go into a commission based business. Look, I'm doing my best to be supportive in his endeavors. Commissions has it's highs and lows, so it's basically a wash. So now we're back to living off my salary for 5 people. I can only do so much. Our spending is not out of control because all we can do is pay basic utilities etc. Next week I'm getting all new banking accounts under my name only and will no longer cover his business related expenses. Tomorrow is our anniversary & I know he doesnt have a dime to his name unless he dips into our account. It's sad & I've lost respect for him although I let it go on. He's about to get the boot. My kids wont understand

Answer 1

We need more information, in order to help you.
There are a lot of factors you need to consider. Education levels, career drives, family values, money values and religious values.

I currently make twice what my husband does, and I have always made more than him. We do not struggle financially. I handle all of the bills and give him an allowance from his paycheck.

Why are you struggling financially? Are the spending habits out of control. If they are your habits, they will follow you.
If they are his, cut him off from your money.

You may need to seek a financial planner and a marriage counselor.

Answer 2

Men used to earn more than women, and although women's incomes have increased they are still less than men's. However in these days of supposed "equality" between husband and wife, each needs to do their share. For instance if the woman works outside the home and makes a great salary, then the man is expected to home school the children and clean the house.

Perhaps you need to figure out what each of you do for the household and yourselves, get together and figure this out. Is there any reason why he can't bring in a superb salary by maybe re-educating into the computer field and working businesses locally and on the net? Today to own a home both people have to have 2-3 jobs to get thru life and pay for your retirement.

Maybe spending is a problem, maybe utility usage (phone, cell phone, computer ISP, cable, etc) is the problem and those are hurting you financially. Determine which you can drop from your budget. Then figure out what old items you have in your attic and closet you can turn to cash and put them on ebay or do a yard sale. Maybe you need to use grocery coupons. Maybe home insurance and mortgage have increased unexpectedly. Maybe you can refinance your home. Maybe the problem is the high cost of gas and gas usage. You didn't say.

Answer 3

It would help it you had added more details but... God knows I'll have an opinion about anything... ;)

I think when we were little, we thought that Prince Charming was going to come and make us happy and feel cherished.

I think mine fell off his horse somewhere in the woods.

Even though we live in the real world, we still have a story about how it "should be."

I empathize with your plight. But the only one you can control is you. He hasn't changed (I'm guessing) in seventeen years.

I'm sure he's not all bad. You're just incredibly (and understandably) frustrated.

Why not take a day for yourself. Go out with friends... drive somewhere you like... go to a lecture or retreat... a bubble bath... a good book...do something for you.

Good luck

Answer 4

it's a good idea to have a separate account. he should be accountable for his own business expenses. you've allowed him to do this for so long that he won't understand that you want something different.

you need to be firm with him and tell him what you want and how you feel in a non-threatening manner. make sure he understands how serious this is for you.

Answer 5

If it has been that way for 17 years you new this and have allowed it, what make you think it is going to change now?

Answer 6

depends on both educations, job availibilty, and skills. just because your a male doesent mean you have to make more money than your wife. walmart employees dont make what a teacher or secerataries make. check out if you still love him, money has nothing todo with love

Answer 7

Yes, do what you think is best. I support you too. He is taking you for a ride.

Answer 8

yep... he should... maybe it is time to get a break and have a break...