i had a miscarriage?

Question

i had a miscarriage on the 16th of this month and i don't know if i should be sad as i never wanted the baby as i've already got a 1 yr old and i'm not ready for another one yet n people keep saying sorry and i keep saying don't say that is that wrong as well?

Answer 1

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be - so don't feel like you have to or should feel one way or the other - it's ok to be ok with it - it is. I would just thank people for their thoughts - you know how you feel - you don't really need to explain it to anyone else. :o)

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong when you have mixed emotions about things like this. One day you may look back and be sad of loosing the baby, Most women get baby blues after haveing a baby some worse and some might be able to handle it. This may be why you feel the way you do. Just a suggestion- you might want to find a friend or a pastor to talk to. My wife well now ex had a miscarriage and people keep telling her that they know how she feels and it will be ok,People don't know how you feel, they may know how they feel. SO no it is not wrong to tell people that. It is better to get it out than keeping it in.

Answer 3

the main reason for a miscarriage is a deformity with the cells if the pregnancy had continued you may have had a disabled child and as you are not ready this may have induced depression on the grounds of having a child you don't want and with a disability and anyway your body decides if it is ready to carry and obviously isn't i've been through the same thing you feel how you feel other people just care about you tell them your fine an focus on your little one who's already here good luck!

Answer 4

This is a complicated feeling and a hard one to express. Since this was not a planned or hoped for pregnancy, I can understand how you might be feeling. Maybe you can look at the, "I'm sorry"s for what your poor body has just experienced. People often do not know how you are feeling or how to express themselves when someone dies...at any age...and all they can say is sorry. It is ok that you don't really feel the loss but it can also make others feel unsure of what to say to you. If you can, just say thank you and confide in your close friends about what your reactions to these comments are. These people are only using other words for saying they care about you. Can you look at it that way? Soon the comments will stop but for awhile, people will ask you how you are. If you feel fine, then smile and say thanks for asking, I am good. Most of us are so busy that we do not have time to chat. Your hormones are messed up now and they might be causing you to feel more defensive. Soon, very soon, you will be yourself again and others will stop saying they are sorry.

Answer 5

You have a right to feel however you want.

Maybe the miscarriage was right for you too...you had no control over that, its not like you aborted the baby, your body expelled it.

As for grief...well that is a personal thing, some people cry some become hard to protect themselves. No one has a right to tell you that you should be tearing your hair out and wailing.

Suggestion though...if you don't want another child just now, get yourself sorted with some contraception or use a condom.

Good luck

Answer 6

if it was an unwanted pregnancy anyway, there is no need to be sad although your hormones may get the better of you at times.
Perhaps its also your body's way of saying your not ready yet.
It is hard work having 2 small children but i would also say dont leave too much of a gap if you are going to have more children.
If people start to feel sorry for you & you dont want their pity, just tell them its for the best & its natures way of telling you to hang on. most people wont question that statement any further.

Answer 7

Its natural for people to say they are sorry for a loss you just need to accept that its what we are taught as human beings to naturally feel a loss as for you your not wrong in your own right about your feelings be patient with those around you as i am sure prior to the miscarriage your friends did not know how you were really feeling about the pregnancy sometimes as women we find ourselves unsure we can handle another but know we will manage when it arrives but when a stronger power intervenes we are thankful the decision was made our favor be strong

Answer 8

Wow! It sounds like you are in a situation. Good luck with your 1 yr old. But why are you ending up preg again already if you didn't want to be? It may be a relief for you not to be prego now, but I think it will bite you in the #ss eventually. How could you be happy about losing your own flesh and blood? Maybe I'm just oversensative.

Answer 9

i had a miscarriage at 18 weeks..i had a 1year old too,if i had carried the baby then i would have coped well but it wasnt meant to be...i look at it that maybe something was wrong and i thought how would i have managed if i had not lost the baby..there is no right and wrong in this matter take each step as it come and you will be fine

Answer 10

Right now you may also be in shock because of the loss. I lost a baby girl on the 11th of this month at 21 weeks due to Incompetant Cervix and I have my moments of trying to block it out. The loss of a life is always sad. You may have moments (Especially when you look at your older baby and wonder if they would have looked alike, or gotten along) when you are sad. Just accept the condolences and move on.

Answer 11

dont beat yourself up over how you feel were you are at is where you are at, besides its no good having a child you dont really want because you both end up suffering in the long run! im sure when the time is right and you are ready you may want another one. but you will always remeber the one you lost!