Always the clown of the class
My friends always see me happy
But 'happy' is just a mask
Nobody knows
Whenever I'm alone in my room
I sing another tune
I'm going down
Whenever i hear the sound
The sound of my tears
But I can't do any other
Than listen
Listen to the sound of my tears
2006-08-26 02:59:19 · 16 answers · asked by aqilahzaiyanie 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
This I take it be a 'Free Verse' with no 'beat' / rhythm or rhyme-scheme.
It conveys the idea / theme in clear /lucid terms. Not a doggrel, nor a limeric. That's good!
This verse tells you are one to the outside world & quite the opposite one in private. Good contrast!
You put on a happy face (don a clown's role) to show to the world but inside you, you're melting with sorrow & grief / sadness. Right?
From the length of the passage for happiness, your happiness is short & momentary. But your grief is profound (double)
The tragedy of it is you don't know how to get over the sadness or solve your predicament. You moan your inability!
If you're a beginner, it is a good effort & you sound poetic at heart.
Your usage of 'listen to the SOUND of tears' is simply great. It tells what you really feel & silently endure!
Good job!
Suggestion: Try to capture the mood thro' objective correlatives / metaphors. Go deep & explore & express spontaneously!
Good Luck !
2006-08-27 10:36:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the gift of rhythm in you and know how to arrange words but I think you need to get beyond the accepted idea of the clown who is really sad at heart. Alexander Pope did say that poetry could say old things in a new way: even so, new perceptions can make a difference for the better.
2006-08-26 10:06:39 · answer #2 · answered by tirumalai 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awesome poem & it makes your point simply. The poem shows that there is something missing in your life, so I hope that you will seek some help in resolving the issues you have. I have written poems like this before & it is therapeutic in releasing some of the emotions at the time.
2006-08-26 10:05:34 · answer #3 · answered by Nobody's Fool 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any poem that is honest and comes from the heart can't be all bad. You may want to work on using language to show the depths of you feelings a little more, though...
2006-08-26 10:06:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a bit simple for my taste. It's a real poem. If that's truly how you feel, tears or not, you would work on that feeling of insecurity. That's what killed Chris Farley.
2006-08-26 10:02:47 · answer #5 · answered by Hymn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad, i love poetry, so couldn't help adding bits of my own.
Listen to the sound of my tears
They fall so silently, no one would ever know
Unless i exposed my heart, and let my feelings show.
2006-08-26 10:29:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last 5 lines are good.
2006-08-26 10:05:35 · answer #7 · answered by mark corr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to tell the truth, it sounds very good because I cannot write one sounds so good.
2006-08-26 10:07:51 · answer #8 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought it was interesting, you exspressed your true feeling . I loved it. Mabey you should have a title for your peom like Tears.
2006-08-26 10:08:04 · answer #9 · answered by lblondie15 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7/10. simple, to the point and melancholically beautiful. write more
2006-08-26 10:23:45 · answer #10 · answered by abstract 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋