19 Pregnant and scared!?

Question

I'm 19 and a University Student, about to go into my second year. On Thursday I found out i am pregnant. At first I was sure I wanted to have an abortion but now I'm not sure. I'm too scared to tell my mother. My boyfriend is being very supportive. He's 25 with a full time job, but making little money! I don't know if we can afford a baby. We don't live together.

Has anyone been in this situation? Are Universities understanding and helpful?

I'm scared and do not know what to do. Who can I talk to??

Answer 1

This is the most important decision you will ever have to make, with it's consequences staying with you for the rest of your life.

You have to consider all of the options now, and speak to as many people as possible in order to fully consider all of them.

Only you can decide if you tell your mum or not as you know her better than the rest of us. She also knows you better than the rest of us.

There is never a right time to have children, and you will never have enough money, or so you will think.

Just take your time and make up your own mind. This really is your decision and no one elses.

Answer 2

I'm A 23 Year Old Single Mom With A 9 Month Old Daughter And I Love Her Like Crazy. As Far As Affording A Baby, No One Is Ever Really In A Place To "Afford" A Baby. You Just Make It Work And You Do It Cause You Love Them So Much. It's Easier To Care For A Child Than You Would Think. If Your Boyfriend Is Supportive That's Great. Tell Your Mom Soon, I Was So Scared To Tell Mine. She Was Upset At First, But Then Very Excited And She Loves Her So Much. My Parents Have Been Financially Supportive Too. Don't Abort, Give It Time! The Situation Is Obviously Meant To Be. It Can All Work Out. Babies Are Such Precious Gifts. They Are The Sweetest Things.

Answer 3

If it's under 2 months then it is isn't even a fetus yet, lose it before it ruins your life. Before 2 months an embryo is nothing more than a bunch of cells frantically dividing. It is nothing more than POTENTIAL human life at that point, it is NOT a human. Don't let the right to lifers guilt you into keeping it if it isn't what you want to do. If it's beyond 2 months, but less than 4, you'll have to weigh your options and make the tough decision. Don't put it off though, the longer you wait, the more like a baby it becomes and the harder it will be to do the right thing for you. Once you get beyond 4 months abortion starts to smell more and more like murder and that can severely limit your options.

There is a lot of counseling available from several sources, but you have to be wary of some organization's agendas. Some may favor abortion and some may be right to life. You need help to choose what to do, not someone to push you to choose their decision and not yours.

In the early term with limited financial options, abortion is often the best answer. It could be awful for you and/or your boyfriend to resent the child because it has thrust you into a long term situation of poverty. Absorb all the info you can on both sides of the issue and make the decision which you think is best for you.

You have my sympathies, I am a dad, but I have also had to participate in the decision to abort, we definitely couldn't afford to raise a child at the time and we never considered public assistance as an option. Burdening others with my responsibility would have been and is wrong.

Answer 4

First of all I understand where you are coming from being scared and all. I found out that I was pregnant at 20. I was not married, but in a relationship. We both had halfway decent jobs (not making much money either). Just to let you know my son is now 2 and is the best decision I could have ever made in my life. It's not as hard as most people make it seem to raise a child. I think that it is more expesive now then when he was little. A child needs a loving family, mother, more than anything. There is a goverment assistance called the Family Independance Agency, that help people finacially. They have assistance for food stamps (formula), medicaide, and even will help you pay for school. Honestly, it is your decision what you choose to do, but I don't think that an abortion is the answer. If you don't feel that you can love and provide for this child then give it up for adoption. I don't think killing your unborn child is ever the answer. I am not going to write forever, so if you would like to continue to talk please feel free to e-mail me. No matter what you choose I may have my opinion, but I am not judgemental (My bestfriend had an abortion). I just know that it is nice to have someone to talk to. Also, I just talked to my mom and she told me that she just read a study that talked about how much a child costs before college. It ended up equaling to $6.00/ day. Doesn't sound too bad does it. That child will be the Love of you life. You will NEVER in your life experience that much love. It is a wonderful feeling and I wouldn't change it for the world. E-mail me we'll talk more! Good luck! In whatever you chose.

Answer 5

If people waited until a "good" time to have a baby then no one would ever have one. Life is always full of too many things to deal with. While it's true that this could be seen as an inconvenient time for you , that may or may not be the case.
I had my first baby when I was 17. Definitely many life changing experiences going on at the same time.

I finished high school with high honors. Then I received my Assoc. in Science. I had planned to get my four year degree, however I worked my way up to a high paying management position in my very stable company. Therefore, a four year degree would not have given me any additional benefit in my current position. It was a hard financial struggle for a while, but we're doing very well now.

Yes, it was hard- going to school, working 2 jobs and taking care of my baby. But it was just a few years and I would not do it any differently if I could go back (except maybe a different father- ha!). Now that I am through that part of it, it is smooth sailing now. I have my 11 and 8 year old sons and I am still young enough to be able to stay very active with them.

Answer 6

The University will not have a policy against a pregnant student, and they may have some services available through counseling or student health that you might want to access.

You will have to tell your mom. It's the only way you'll get through this. She may be angry with you because she'll be afraid you'll drop out, but she'll also want to do what's best for you, and will respond if she knows you're scared.

I had three children over the course of my college years and kept going to school (at a top-ranked school and managed to pull nearly a 4.0 by studying at night when I was up with the babies). My first baby was born right after I turned 20. I did live with the children's father, and we didn't have much, but we made it. Student loans helped, there was day care on campus, and we qualified for various services like WIC (Women, Infants and Children) that helped with the bills. Now I'm a successful professional. You can do anything you put your mind to.

If you make the decision you don't want an abortion, you have months to decide if you want to keep the baby yourself or place the baby for adoption. You don't have to make that decision today or before you have all the information.

One step at a time. Best of luck.

Answer 7

Hi hon
HUGS to start with - there is a lot on your plate at the moment.

I work at a university, and was in your position a while ago. Universities are very good generally in giving support to students. I would visit the counselling service which will usually be attached to student services or student affairs. It may be connected to your student union. They can really help you sort through the problems and make the right decision for you.

I would suggest trying to get an appointment as soon as possible, as obviously time is an issue.

Are you sure you can't tell your mum? I was terrified of telling my dad (I was a bit younger than you) but I did, and he was actually really brilliant about it.

There are other places you can go, your doctors, a local women's clinic etc..so dont' feel you are confined to what your university offers.

Remember that no-one can tell you what is right for you, it is your choice. I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is being so good hon.

All the best

Answer 8

Hey honey, plenty of people are in the same position as you, some without boyfriends!!

Most uni's have student support groups that can give you advice -regarding pregnacy, money etc.

This gift that you have does not necessarily mean you have to give up Uni. You could in fact take a year out and retunr to do your second year after the baby has been born.

If you are thinking about abortion, can I give you some real facts.

You have to be 100% sure that you want one because after you have been given the first lot of tablets, there is no turning back - the baby will have died.

If we all decided on whether or not we could afford a baby, I think the population will cease to exist.

There are all kinds of financial help out there for you. As your partner works more than 16 hours, you can get Working Family Tax credit & everyone can get family allowance.

Why avoid telling your mum? Mothers have a way of being totally understandable when you least expect them to, so tell her. She may even be able to give you advice & help you out.

There are plenty of students who are & have been in the same postition as you , so see the notice board at Uni and see what's out there.

I really do wish you the best of luck & would like to know how you get on. :-)

Answer 9

Was 19 and pregnant and now have a 14 year old !
Its the hardest thing u will ever do in your life being a parent but also the most rewarding ... tell your mother she was in your position once .. u need all the support u can get and hey no one can really afford kids until u have them .. u will manage ...
I am sure your university will be supportive there is childcare available and if u have a good network of support u will be able to finish your course and be a mother as well ...
I am a single mother and have 3 sons and i work as well u can do it !!
Take the plunge call your mother !!

Oh and congratulations BTW

Answer 10

First of all I'd like to say congrats! Its a blessing to know you have your own creation inside of you!! But talk to you mom about it first off and tell the father of your baby as well. I suggest to not have an abortion. I was 18 and I had an abortion now I'm 21 and 8 months pregnant and so excited to have a son on the way. I regret having my first abortion. I'm currently in the military but getting out and I tell you its scary so I know exactly how it feels! You can continue going to school with support. I went to school up until i was 7 months and stopped cause my due date changed till before the next semester was gonna end. But I do plan to go back once my son is born and I'm there for him a couple of months. You can do it girl. with or without support. It might be hard, but you'll get though it.

Answer 11

Please Please talk to some one loving and caring. An abortion is not the right thing to do. If half of us planned out pregnancy and children most of us would not have our beautiful families. I understand you are scared and that is okay but think about the life of your child as well as yours. If your boyfriend is wanting to have the child and has a job go for it. You should be almost done with this years school before the baby is born . Don't you think your mom would be understanding and want you to have the child and maybe even be willing to help out so you can finish school. If you were my daughter I would gladly help you however Icould to make sure I could see my grandchild and you could finish your education. I have not been in your situation but I do know girls who have gone to highschool and finished school even though they were pg. They could not be discriminiated against and I would think that the colleges and universities would be the same. There is also on line college that you can do. If you decide that you can not keep the child would you please let me adopt him or her. I would give the child a good home full of love and no it's not that I do not have children Ihave 9, 4 are grown and on their own but I would gladly adopt your child versus an abortion. I love children and they never asked to be brought into this world they need love and caring. Most states have a program to help moms with the medical while they are pg and in school. Please think hard about this. There are many options other than abortion. I know that God loves you and your child