my 4yr son cries not to stay with grandpa, his demeanor changes the minute he sees him. Should I be concerned?

Question

Since birth, my son and his grandpa have been inseperable. This man is completed devoted to my son and will do anything to make him happy. No boudaries. Nicholas, my son, use to to feel the same way. About 3 weeks ago, I started to notice a change in Nic, his entire demeanor would change when he would see Grandpa. However 2 days ago I became very uncomfortable, When I dropped Nic off, he became unusually quite, spacey, trance like fixed eyes, and would not let me go. He has never hugged, nor clinged to me the way he did that day.. Nicholas is the happiest, most fun loving, no crying, sensivite child I've ever known. (Not just because he is my son:-) When I ask him why he doesn't want to stay with grandpa, his answer is, of course, because. The only time he doesn't cry to stay is when Memaw is there. Where as Nicholas would always run to grandpa, he know favors Memaw.
I want to believe that its nothing to be concerned about, however my heart is heavy. My son is my life, my love!

Answer 1

Your son has passed the stage of separation anxiety... if he has always been happy to stay with grandpa and now suddenly he isn't anymore, then something must have happened.
Listen to your gut-feeling, try to find out. With 4 years they aren't so tiny anymore... talk to Nic, at home, quietly. Ask him if something happened that he didn't like, if something was done to him that he didn't enjoy.
Maybe it's nothing and grandpa was just stricter lately than before, maybe confront grandpa with the question why he thinks that Nic doesn't want to stay with him anymore - and observe his reaction.
You have to find out for your son's, your own and also for grandpas sake.

Answer 2

I think if you have a feeling something is going on then don't take your son there. Sit him down when he is happy and it is not just before you are to go there and try talking to him about why he doesn't want to go. If he always loved going there and now he doesn't to me that would be a big red flag. Talk to the grandparent as well and ask him if something has happened while he was there. If he says no then just let them know for the next few weeks (or how ever long it takes) that you will not be taking him and you are going to try to get to the bottom of the problem. You are the voice for your four year old. If something doesn't feel right it probably isn't right!

Answer 3

DO NOT ignore your son .. his actions speak louder then his words.. what has "grandpa" said about his reactions ??

Being abused is one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a child. Telling someone about the abuse, especially when it has been committed by a family member or someone the child trusts, can also be a frightening, difficult experience. Children need different support and services than adults. Safe Horizon has programs that are specifically designed to meet the needs of children and of adult survivors. If you suspect that a child you know is a victim of child abuse

Contact your local police and get the ball rolling ... your son needs protected and his grandpa needs stopped ASAP

Answer 4

What more do you need from your son to show you something serious is wrong? Too many children are allowed near their grandparents, etc when they are getting abused (not necessarily just sexual, but physically / mentally also). You are the mother, it's time you started protecting your son and keep him and his grandfather separated until you find out what is going on. Talk to him with puppets, or something else, and maybe he'll open up and talk to you. 4 year olds are smart people and can communicate things, so make it a game (sort of) and get him to open up to you.

But keep the grandparent AWAY from the son until you get more info.

Answer 5

Ewww, I don't like the sound of that.

It could be something harmless, such as grandpa scolding him for something naughty he did, but it could also be something...worse.
I have seen children suddenly develop a completely reversed attachment to relatives. My cousin's daughter flits between having my aunt (her grandma) be her best friend and having my uncle (her grandpa) fill that role. However, when she changes preferences, she never shows any real reluctance about the other one; she just suddenly prefers one over the other. Eventually, she flips and changes again.

Something about this seems scary to me. Can you try talking to Nic? And can you contact someone, such as a child therapist, who may be able to help you get to the bottom of the problem? It just seems very strange and unsettling to me.

I wish you the best.

Answer 6

You have a right to be concerned however, it could just be a simple problem in that he was yelled at by Grandpa the last time, or something like that.

If you are really concerned, I'd go and see your doctor about it and have him checked out. Tell the doctor your concern and see what he has to say about it.

Answer 7

This suggests a huge and difficult problem. You would regret yourself forever if you did nothing.
While you may wish to ask grandpa if he has noticed, can explain, the mood swings, you won't get a truthful answer if there is a problem. The questioning itself may scare him off. I'd also seek a child physiologist specializing in such matters to spend time with Nicholas. I understand that such sessions, themselves, can sway the child's story, so be sure to get a recommended one in whom you have confidence. Good luck & bless you. This has to be very difficult.

Answer 8

It may be nothing more than he got himself into some trouble and was spanked or something, or then again there could be something else to it.

You should sit him down and let him know that he can talk to you about anything and that he needs to share his feelings with you.

If he is being abused then both he and gramps needs help, if he disobeyed gramps and got his behind spanked then he needs to learn that he can't just chip his shoulder.

I would be concerned though and get to the bottom of it as soon as possible.

Answer 9

hi!, properly i ask your self why maximum of them r advising to tug the new child out of education & giving him destroy for yet another year? i'm particular this wont be his first actual year of education! Coz 4 year previous babies are meant to be studing in LKG. And if the new child is in LKG now, then he definately could hv already undergoan the nursery education section from the age of his 2 & a million/2 or 3. I recommend, u cant pull ur new child out of the college basically coz he's crying, Afterall u does not pick to waste his entire 12 months & see different comparable elderly babies shifting further! Definately, u hv to be certain the reason of his crying by using study, if required yet u cant make him sit down at residing house. After a million-2 months of crying babies gratually get used to the recurring of school & end crying immediately. seek advice from his instructor.

Answer 10

I think I would be concerned. Sit him down and try talking to him again or take him to a counselor or something. If "you" feel something is wrong...your his mother...go with it. He may be only 4 years old...but if you have noticed a "change" in him, as you say, you should find out what is causing him to act this way. From the way you described him....quiet, spacey, trancelike fixed eyes and would not let you go......ah, the kid sounds scared!