Why do woman leave their husbands when they get to 40?

Question

i have been married to the same woderful woman for 21 years, things have not always been easy but we have always worked through together and beaten what life threw at us. I came to Baghdad to work, to get some money together to start our new life together now the kids have grown. While Im away she starts a relationship with her boss at work, then starts meeting men (well boys) she has been chatting to on the net, tells me she has left me and is now a single woman, and can see, date and sleep with whoever she wants whenever she wants. Will not talk to me, says I have no business in her life anymore and that our marriage is finished. Just LIke that - I havnt done anything, she admits that but whats brought this on? She was a wonderful woman, now shes acting like some crazy slut woman staying out all night, not coming home until the next day, and always with some guy or other HELP is this the end or will we come through this - Im still in love with my wife, but she ignores me and say

Answer 1

I am a woman who will soon be 40. I am considering leaving my husband, but my situation is somewhat different. I got married at 23 and had 2 children. My life has pretty much always revolved around what my husband wanted or needed. Our relaationship has been far from conducive to individual growth. He has difficulty confronting difficulty and making decisions which leaves me holding the bag a lot of the time. This can cause a lot of unnecessary stress. In short, I am fed up with the whole mess. I don't want to spend the second half of my life continuing to be responsible for another "adult" that never grew up.

Answer 2

It's not all women when they hit 40, any more than all men, have a mid-life crisis at 40. However...

Her life and the focus of her life has changed. Her children are grown, and likely she doesn't want more. She wants all those things that she couldn't have when she was raising children.

There's a sense of "freedom" that comes with having your children grown. And a sense of loss. Now what do you do? If you haven't had a relationship all along that encouraged a sense of self, now is the time you decide, as a woman, to find out who you want to be the last half of your life.

Regretfully, it doesn't sound like the two of you planned what you were going to do when the kids were grown. I think maybe YOU planned what you were going to do and she just went along. If your kids are grown and your husband takes off overseas...I just don't see your wife seeing this as a good thing. She wants to be seen as attractive and desirable, and you're thousands of miles away....it doesn't bode well.

It sounds like she's doing all those things she never got to do as a 20 year old..."partying like a rock star". She's now living the life she figured she missed out on by getting married at 19...

You've got some options:
1. Get divorced. She may never get over this, and you need to have more self-respect than to stay with a woman who cheats on you.

2. Go back home and see if you can convince her that the two of you can enjoy life alone together...and then prove that you can. This would likely take counseling and lots of it.

3. Stay where you are, earn lots of money, and hope it all straightens out before you come home.

Good luck.....sounds like it isnt' going to be an easy time, no matter what happens.

Answer 3

I have a theory about this. 2/3 of all divorces of people over the age of 40 are initiated by women and I beleive it is because the woman no longer needs the man anymore. I don't know if you have kids but if you were married at 19 I can assume you had kids early and they are grown or almost grown.

So you have done what she needed you to do: help her raise and protect her and her children now you are superfluous to her life. She is now focused on her happiness. She has decided that she no longer needs you.

It is now time for you to man the fv
Luck

Answer 4

Hey mate,

Not all women are like this (thank god) and even not all men.
But sometimes there can be a turning point in the life of a person. Like when the children move out, or when a woman starts working again. Life is not over they realise and find a new start.
Is sometimes answer for there realisation that they are not young anymore, that the children are now the future and that there main task is finished. To compensate that they try something new, boyfriend/girlfriend, ridding a bike, joining sports and make trips abroad.
In your case your wife got wings. Maybe she has felt stucked and now you had gone she found freedom, but this is speculation.
Ask her for the truth, if you still see a future try to convince her to marriage counselling.
And other wise, move on. Even for you the road is wide open!
All the best

Answer 5

Some women never got to sow their oates when they were young, before they got caught up in marriage. I know it is easy for everyone to say they should have thought about that before they were married but how many 19 year olds have any experience with the consequences of marriage? If you can tolerate her sowing her oates while you are out of the country, she will probably slow down or even stop at some point. It gets old real fast. She might even realize she made a mistake leaving you and want you back. I know it is hard to talk from so far away but if you have decided you won't leave her then you need to tell her that.

Answer 6

I don't really know your situation there. I'm hearing that you have been a good father and husband - but, being 40 myself, I do know that the resent in which occurs over the years of ones married life.
I feel for you because Im hearing that you seem to have done all the right things. However, I also know that what goes on inside a womens head. Maybe she feels that she has missed out on a lot of things, and this is the reason why she is behaving like this.
I'm not sure that my input has been helpful - but my aim was to bring some clarity to your situation.

Answer 7

May be she is bored seeing ur face.wants to see a cool chick.it is ur fault why do u leave a women alone, she would have felt lonely & that she would have felt a necesary of a good company which ur boss must have been according to her.If u really love her u wouldn't have left her.If u were a good husband u would have understood her feelings and would have not asked this ques.As a sister to u I want to request u that please tell her that u really care for her and that u would do anything for her will never leave her her alone.I know she would not listen at first but don't step back try ,one day she will surely be back with u no matter if it takes ue whole life.I will pray to god.don't worry i'am with u and the full yahoo group is with u.....bye bro BEST OF LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Sometimes a person needs to feel alive. Not just live, but feel ALIVE. Even if it doesn't make sense, and she may know it doesn't, she may also feel like it doesn't make sense to waste her life waiting around while your focus is somewhere else. A woman wants to feel beautiful and desirable ALL the time. So many men are busy doing the "right" thing for the family that they miss the point...his partner is slowly fading from center to off on the side somewhere. This is a lonely place to be...

Answer 9

If she is doing all of this, you need to let her go. You don't have to love this woman so much that you are hurthing yourself in the process. She made the choice to be a tramp/hoe, you didn't push her to do it. Believe it or not, when women get that age, something lights a fire under their @ss and they just have a high sex drive. Its true! Anyway, you will have to tie your heart and get rid of her and she sure as hell wouldn't be thinking she would be coming home after going out with some other man. If love is out there for you again (and there is) you will find it. Your wife will realize when its too late, and it will be just that TOO LATE! So, let the hoe go with the hoes and you find happiness in life and MOVE ON!

Answer 10

Well have you ever heard when the cats away the mice will play ....dude she aint worth the effort shes trying to recapture her youth by being with boys,,, find yourself a 20 year old girl and a some fun....