How should I convince my friend to go back to her husband?

Question

I have a friend.She is married for 3 years and also gave birth to their child recently. Theirs was an inter-caste marraige. My friend doesn't like her in-laws and she left her house as being guided by her mother. Now she is at her mothers place. She didn't tell me about this. I came to know all this from her husband. She told me that after her delivery she has gone to Mom's place to take rest for few months. She doesn't even call or SMS her husband but SMS/calls me. Now her husband is tensed and he calls me to make her understand. What do I do? What do I tell my friend?
I want her to go back to her in-laws, coz they are really nice people. How do I make my friend understand, what shall I tell her, how do I convince her?


Plz dont tell me that leave all that for her husband. Coz they stopped communicating. I am the source, what should say, or shud I explain to my friend?

Answer 1

Here, apparently from your letter i feel the wife mentioned here is not properly guided. I would say her mother did take a worst decision and misleaded her duaghter by advising her to leave her hubby.(unless there is obvious unforgivable reason.)

First of all, for a successfull marriage life, there should need a lot of patience and broad mind to forgive for the sake of an expected pleasant life..! I dont say to suffer, but keep patience and expect goodness in tomorrow. Marriage life is not a play but a serious contract. if splitted wife and husband, the sufferers are not only them but the poor innocent kids besides the parents and relatives.

As a good friend, you can advise her to compromise and not to hear her mother's advise if it was not wise. Because, its the matter of your friendd's and kids life..whatever may say, whatever may worse her husband, he is the father of her kid! for the sake of that poor kid, FORGIVE and cool down. Human mind is so sensitive, its not so hard. A smile is enough to melt down any stone like hearts..:)

Finally, remember this wordings "Dont be emotional, if you fed up with your partner in one thing, you may find happy in her/his other dealings". Life is so balanced with ups and downs..

I wish your friend a pleasant life ..:) if you could make a compromise between them, you are being devine!

Answer 2

You already know that you shouldn't be involved in this, but I totally understand where you're coming from. That poor couple!! I feel soooo bad for the husband!!!

That woman has major issues and is not respecting her marriage vows and is being completely selfish and wrong to keep the child from it's father!
She should NOT be at her mother's house! She should NOT be talking to her mother PERIOD about their marriage! She should NOT be bumming around with her mom. She should be with her husband only.

Whether you think her inlaws are nice or not does not make them nice to her.
Everyone loves my inlaws, but I HATE them and they HATE me. It's horribly uncomfortable. You cannot tell her that they're nice or good people cuz she will not take that. Don't even bring them up. It's NOT a competition between the parents.

That husband should be ON HIS OWN, AWAY from BOTH sides of the family, and wifey should NOT have contact with mother!

If she believes in the Bible look up the passages about leaving your mother and cleaving unto your spouse. Also remind her of her marriage vows. Also remind her that she is married TO HIM not her mother!! That's just so disgusting of her to be acting this way! Also remind her that she may be suffering from post-partum depression which can be VERY HARD and VERY SERIOUS and completely screw up her way of thinking and that she should see her OB or regular doc to get medicine to help her think more clearly and go back to her husband WHERE SHE BELONGS.

Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Your story is too vague and limiting to make a good insight or impression on anything.

However, I think that your friend had a very good reason for going away in the first place. Dig deeper, before giving her an advise.

After all, we women dont usually go away at a whim, and especially with a baby in tow, right?

Answer 4

IF you are her FRIEND as you say you should be supporting her NOT her husband. But if I were in your position I WOULD STAY OUT of it totally. I would be there for my friend if I was needed. And that is the end of it. Maybe and this is just maybe there is some abuse going on that YOU DON'T know about. Something drove her away from this situation. Maybe it was the NICE in-laws that you mentioned. If they are so nice why did she leave? KEEP your nose OUT of it UNLESS your friend ask for help/advice. IF you are a TRUE FRIEND you will be there to support HER NOT the husband.

Answer 5

You know this is none of your business right...You getting in between will make things worse, you as a friend i would dump...Also why where they living with the in laws??? That's insane, people need to have their own homes, not be slaves to the in laws. If i was her and my husband wouldn't get our own home i would stay with my mother. Stay out of it, her husband need to talk to her or she divorces him and you marry him if your so interested in what he is doing...If you are the source, then you are the problem....

Answer 6

You are not your friend's keeper. I understand you want everything to work out for her, but what happens in a marriage is private. The best you will achieve with meddling is losing the friendship. Your friend made her decision. It's not your place to change it. Maybe you like her husband just a bit too much?

Answer 7

I'm going to tell you what you DO NOT want to hear; MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! If she goes back and is unhappy, it will be YOUR fault. If she doesn't go back, she'll blame that on you too. You have caught yourself in the middle of marital problems and that's no place for you to be. Tell the hubby to go get his wife and child and then stop sending messages between. There is no place for you in their marriage either way.

Answer 8

Well you can bring the horse to the water but you can not make the horse drink the water. Be a friend .PRAYER ALOTS !!! Prayer until something happens. Let it go and let God. What happens .............. happens . Remember that we have free will. Life is not consequences. Life is decisions .

Answer 9

Now both are your friends . Please if you are serious , ask her problems ,then speak to your male friend and suggest him to take a seprate place to live with the lady . Slowly with lots of counceling , love and caring affection , she will start liking his parents , it may take few years . Now you must play as a really good honest friend to them , initially its happen with so many young couples , nothing to worry .

Answer 10

For all shared, there is probably a lot not shared. You can't convince her to do anything against her will. All you can do is be a friend.