Im 21 now, my b/f and I have been together off and on since I was 16. We had our first child, a boy, in Oct. of '04. In May of '05 he was arrested on charges I do not wish to discuss. He is still in jail, he has plead guilty, and was sentenced 5 yrs. TDC. We have talked marriage before, and after the baby, but he has really pressed the issue more now than ever. I do sometimes wonder if its only becouse he is in jail, or if he really wants to do it now becouse he just feels this is the "now" everyone waites for. Crazy I know. I love this man with all my heart, and know I will marry him eventually, but is now the time? Also, I have moved 265 miles away from the county he is currently jailed in waiting on chain. How do we get married? I would love to hear all input, from men and women.
Thank you.
2006-08-25 22:04:14 · 15 answers · asked by jascoffgirl85 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you really want to marry a man who is in jail? The odds are against you. You are a young woman and 5 years is a very long time to be faithful. And by the time he get out the two of you will be different people. I would say..........wait until he gets out and proves to you that he won' t get arrested again.
Don't stop you progress in life because of of him. Don't you and the baby be in your own version of jail. This is your only life......live it well . And do the best for your kid. And if dad changes then go for it. But, I think he needs to really prove that he won't do things that get him in jail ever again.
Best choice is to not get married. Let him do his time.
2006-08-25 23:36:00 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be an idiot. You want to tie yourself to someone you're not going to see for 5 years because they committed a felony...does this sound like a bright idea?
Do you have any idea how hard it'll be for him to find work when he gets out? So, are you going to support him, your child and whatever other babies you pop out with this man? How do you plan on doing that?
You have a child to worry about. You need to focus on finding a good job, supporting yourself and your baby, and getting your life together. Marrying someone who's on the way to prison is not a good choice.
And let's be honest....he's probably going to come out NOT the same person he went in as...and the chances are he'll commit another felony and wind up back in prison. Yeah, I know, you love him...that's wonderful...but you're setting yourself up for a hard, hard time...don't do this.
Had he wanted to marry you, he'd have done so BEFORE now.
2006-08-26 08:25:12 · answer #2 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Marriage is silly under these conditions. He didn't ask when he was with you, and you could live as a married couple. So, why the change? He just wants to tie you down, so he has a haven when he gets our of prison. Move on alone. Perhaps he can decide while in prison, to change his life, and become a person worth marrying. Now, he isn't.
2006-08-26 07:33:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe it is a bad idea for you to marry him at all. He is feeling lonely in jail so he has you to pressure into marriage. Think about this. What kind of a job is your bf going to get once he is out if he has a felony on his record. Most places will not hire someone with a felony. How will your child and your onw quality of life be living with a felon? You need to cut all ties with this man and find a good man that will support you all around, not just when he is out of jail. That is no way to live.
2006-08-26 05:10:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
UMmm, sounds like a loser.
If you loved your child you'd be more careful.
My friend's husband just got out of prison for attempted murder. He shot a dude in his bed after catching them having sex. She got preg with that dude's kid and gave it up for adoption (best thing). They already had a child together; she doesn't like her dad now.
His experience in prison has changed him immensely. He wants anal sex all the time (she hates it) (it's a prison thing; men are always banging each other in there and dong blow-jobs) and he's a JERK, and controlling and abusive and mean and very hard and insensitive. Prison HARDENS people. Turns them into people not fit for society in reality anymore, especially with a family.
My husband's uncle has been in and out of prison his whole life and will be in there the rest of his life. He IS NOT FIT to be a father or a husband. He really really wanted to get married and have kids, so he did get married, but that marriage turned to crap cuz he just didn't know how to take care of it.
My husband's cousin wants to marry a man who's in and out of jail all the time. She tried to marry him IN the jail (talk about TRASHY) but LUCKILY he got transferred just before that "wedding". He's out now and is putting it off, although he says he really wants to marry her. I think she's a complete idiot for even having an interest in such trash.
Just think about it more clearly. You're good to at least ask other's for their opinions, but hon, DON'T DO IT. Unless you're completely prepared for him to be a jack-a*s all the time and mistreat your child(ren) and you and be cold and insensitive and always want anal sex, etc., etc., etc.
2006-08-26 06:34:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are crazy to want to marry a felon. Do yourself a favor and stay where you are. WHY would you want to subject your child to living his life with an ex-con. AND, yes, the guy want's you to marry him cause he's in jail and lonely. That just gives him something to talk about the next 5 years. Girl....get your head together and leave this loser alone. And make a copy of this cause if you do marry him, I want you to read it when he goes BACK to jail.
2006-08-26 07:01:13 · answer #6 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man is incredibly irresponsible. Why would you want to be married to him? You already made the mistake of having a child with a man who would not take the responsibility of a family upon himself. Now you want to marry someone who's crime you are too embarrassed to discuss. Why would you want to saddle your child with a father like this and why would you want to destroy yourself by hanging out with this kind of person?
Move even further away and find someone worthwhile. You would be better off and, for sure, your son would be better off.
2006-08-26 05:23:05 · answer #7 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This definitely is NOT the right choice, You're only 21, why in the world would you want to throw your whole future in the hands of an irresponsible man whose residing in jail?!?! listen sweety, give all your attention and love to your child instead of his father, i don't wanna advise you to cut him off out of your child's life, but DON'T marry him. you think you love him and all, but this is no fairy tale, he's not gonna change anytime soon, (maybe never). as you grow you're gonna understand what benefit you;re gaining for not marrying him, you'll meet the right guy for you. Marrying him would only jeopardize your life and your child's, you don't wanna put such role model for your child in your home. Take care dear..wish you all the best
2006-08-26 05:18:22 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Lucifer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From experience, he is asking because he doesn't want to loose his son. He's afraid you are going to find someone else while he is in there and won't get to see his son. So have a paralegal draw up son visitation papers while he's in and for when he gets out so while he is in there he has assurance he gets to see his son. Wait on marrying him til he gets out. What if someone that loves you and your son the same happens a long during his time? Then you are trapped.
2006-08-26 06:03:48 · answer #9 · answered by really???? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you really serious, I mean you actually have to ask. Get rid of the ***-up you got his kid thats bad enough. Is this world full of fuking idiots come on girl get a clue I know you must be better than that.
2006-08-26 06:25:53 · answer #10 · answered by The Pooh-Stick Kid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋