I have been with my partner for 7 months and it has been a great relationship, but the sex life had all but stopped. He says he still wants to have sex with me, but when it comes down to it there is something that clicks in his head and stops him. Lack of excitement, no thrill of the chase, familiarity - who knows?
He says he doesn't want it to happen, but always does and has spoilt his previous relationships. In all other aspects he is very loving, kind and great to be with.
He says it's okay for me to have casuals sex, and we both have (we're gay men - it's practically compulsory). In fact he's please when I've told him that I have - suppose it takes the pressure off him.
I love him and want the relationship to continue and he feels the same, but I find the situation frustrating.
I'd like to rekindle some of the passion that was there in the early days. I'm not naive and am not expecting the initial excitement to return, but there must be something we can do.
Help, please?
2006-08-25 21:14:35 · 17 answers · asked by Toubled 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Perhaps he is scared of commitment, this problem can happen in any relationship.
2006-08-25 21:19:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should finish this relationship. I don't think that your partner sees it as a priority anymore and is probably hoping that it will fizzle out. You are becoming friends rather than lovers and I think that you should begin to define the relationship in those terms. Your partner isn't pleased that you have sex elsewhere because it akes the pressure off him, he's pleased because he's hoping you will want to finish the relationship as he has become tired of it and wants to go elsewhere himself.
Casual sex is definately not compulsory for anyone gay, straight or bisexual. It's a big no-no when you are in a relationship. Just take a look at the way it has taken the passion out of your current relationship. You can get a more intense and fulfilling experience if you are faithful. Try it next time.
2006-08-26 09:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by Fluorescent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your friend has a mental blockage, and until that has been sorted out he will not change. He should go and see his doctor and ask for advice although it doesn't seem physical the doctor will at least point him in the right direction.
You having casual dates does take the pressure off him but I question that he does too. If he cares that much for you why would he want to see others?
The only way you will rekindle the passion is if your friend sorts out his problem. Until then I think you will just have to be close friends.
2006-08-26 04:31:33 · answer #3 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any realationship could go through this not just a gay one.. Wait , be together and u could find urself sexual agin in the future...
But plese give up the CASUAL SEX as he may seem happi now but in the long run i think this will hurt him.. It not nice and it is still cheating. Do not give up on him and be there ur realationship will improve with time.. His previous partners have abviously gone wen this has happened and it has made him weiry of a new realationship so if u show that u are not going to give up on him then he will get his libido back
2006-08-26 04:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by mummy of 5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps it's not you, perhaps it's the whole gay thing that he's not really reconciled with.
I don't know,. I'm just guessing. About casual sex, by the pair of you, don't you think that your "it's practically compulsory" attitude is responsible for the continuing unchecked spread of HIV within your sector of the community? I'm hetero, and I never felt casual sex to be compulsory, rather the opposite in fact. Is your logic that, having found one of these rare-as-a-purple-unicorn gays, you simply MUST hump, to reinforce both your egos? That sounds a little desperate to me.
Sorry if that sounds judgemental, I dopn't think I'm a hater. I don't know any 'out' gays, but then I don't have a very wide circle of contact (OOhh Eerr, Missus!) with people in general.
2006-08-26 04:30:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though this guy is not as committed to you as you are to him. open relationships don't work whether you're gay or straight. i think he maybe has fallen for someone else and hasn't got the nerve to tell you, so he is trying to get you to have sex with other people so that when he is discovered there is nothing you can say because you have been doing it too. you sound like the type who would like to committ in a closed relationship, if that is the case it's time you began looking elsewhere, this guy will never give you what you need or deserve. hope this helps.
2006-08-26 04:21:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to tell you this-It isn't just a Gay problem!
Sounds like you are both still in love and want to be together, that's a good start.
If this has spoilt previous relationships then it is something he will have to deal with -with your full support, all i can suggest(and I'm sure he won't go to counselling) is that you reassure him that you love him and don't pressure him, that said don't ignore him either.
talk to him-does he get his kicks from hearing about your liaisons?
maybe he feels subconsciously that it is wrong to be gay in which case he does need counselling that unfortunately is society's fault.
Good luck either way
2006-08-26 06:56:39 · answer #7 · answered by what? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he feels the same, but I dunno...it sure sounds like you feel more than he does. It makes me sad to think that you're putting yourself out there for someone who can't give you themselves in return.
I'm wondering how old he is and if it's possible that he's just not ready to settle down yet...and feels trapped? So when you go out and have casual sex, it makes him feel less obligated?
Unless he is willing to be totally honest with you, I dunno how to make it better. He knows what's clicking in his head to make him not want to be intimate...he just isn't willing to say.
Good luck, hon.
2006-08-26 04:24:17 · answer #8 · answered by Jen B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
relationships are hard work and if it seems like your the one putting in all the work and his not maybe its time to move on. you sound like you love him and you should be loved back .sex plays a big part in any relationship even if your sleeping with other poeple.
good luck babe
2006-08-26 04:28:14 · answer #9 · answered by poppy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u guys have casual sex...u guys don't sound like u really respect ur relationship...get soemone else u truly love
2006-08-26 04:19:25 · answer #10 · answered by Neutro 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he happy with the rest of his life? Could he be depressed? Depression is a sex life killer...I know from experience!
2006-08-26 04:26:39 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋