How can I get over my BAD jealousy problem?

Question

I am 17 and while jealousy is a staple in most teens lives it is huge in mines. I cannot help this feeling when it comes over me and when it comes it may come over the most trivial of things like shoes or a nice hairstyle. When I get this feeling it is so extreme that even my stomach hurts. I usually don't say anything but I carry this feeling around with me and when things are calm thats when I bring it back up. (I have suspected that I am passive agressive and I looked up some of the symptoms and the match me to a T) I will belittle the person as i said once things calm down to the point where they feel insecure and often times hurt. But i do it in little spurts, and admittedly i do it very sneaky so that people don't categorize me as "the *****" to say that it is all carefully crafted, my revenge, is a truth. And yet when I know that i've hurt someone at first i feel happy then remorsefull but most of the time empty, very empty. I don't want to be this way but I always have been.

I don't want to feel this way anymore but whenever I try to get over it it never works. I'd like to clarify that I've never done anything to physically harm anyone and don't think I will, but my verbal comments are lethal. I am usually a mellow person its just that when that feeling of jealousy and resentment comes up . . I don't know. Maybe I am passive aggressive . . . very passive agressive. I'd just like some help on how to possibly stop this, can it be stopped? I don't wanna lose all my friends over this but it's been happening more increasingly.

Please Answer honestly

Answer 1

I am no expert really: not even close. So whatever I say, don't take it 100% reliable. I suspect this feeling you have may be because deep down you lack certain confidence in your image, who you are (your accomplishments, looks and ambitions). And what you do is you look for others and their accomplishments, looks and ambitions for guidance (as a start). However, despite you admire that of them, it makes you feel envious, because it is something you want for yourself, and because maybe you feel you have suffered more than those others and/or think you deserve it more than they do, you try to demoralize them verbally (perhaps not intentionally, but perhaps on a not so conscious level). It is a matter of what you want for yourself, and what you cannot achieve on your own terms. The problem, I think, is that you want what you don't have. And while it is always recommendable that you have objectives and goals for obtaining new things, I think that first you need to work on yourself as the prime-core of your development. I need you to see yourself not as the person you are in comparison to those you are jealous about, but you in terms of what your goals and personal ambitions are. Are you happy where you are? Do you want more? What do you want? Are you in the right track? Once you are on track and happy of the direction where you are going, I believe you won't be so jealous of others, because you will have something that matters to you the most: your own unique personal development. Maybe the habit of being jealous won't be fully erradicated, but at least you can focus more on your development than in the progress of others relative to your own. Just remember we all have our paths and some take longer than others.
Hope I was of help, and remember that I have no expertise, so I am not 100% reliable.

Answer 2

jealously is something which any and everyone experiences, it is a human emotion, just like love, joy, sadness etc. however your case of jealously is an extreme one. i did have a problem with jealousy once and because of that i almost lost my best friend.......you have to STOP being jealous immidiately, i know it osunds immpossible but when my best friend fought with me over my feelings i realised that jealousy can only bring pain, it was then that i decided, consicously, to change myself and the way i behave....it is so important to find inner peace within yourself......tell yourself that what you have is unique, and if so then what another person has doesnot matter, then why envy others? to start with, you should express your emotions more calmly by tlking to a friend or family member about your feeligns towards others, dont hold then imside, once you take them out then you would realise how shallow you are being by thinkning of such evious things the momentou realise that, you would bea ble to release yourself from such feelings, and for the love of god, pls dont hurt other ppl because of you having a problem, i have been a victim of such insults and i can tell you that even though ppl may not call you a ***** at first, inside they are thinking it. dont hurt others for satisfying yourself and your emotions, it is the worst crime...

Answer 3

Jealousy stems from lack of self love, insecurity and lack of love and respect for our fellow human beings. Jealousy will destroy a relationship, personal friendship and any other relationship quicker than most anything I can think of.
I think it's really too bad that you want to hurt people who you are the object of your jealousy. This problem can evolve from saying bad things to those you are jealous of or worse yet, it can evolve into hurting physically and\or mentally other innocent human beings who are the object of your jealousy. Have you been hurt by people who are jealous of you? I hope not, really I do.
I just want to know why you would hurt someone over jealousy. Does this make you feel more powerful when you hurt people. Because people who hurt people over petty jealousy are weak, and you don't have any real personal power of your own. Real power stems from love and respect of yourself, and your fellow human beings. Jealousy is an extreme weakness in character that can ruin your life. I am very sad for your mixed up ideals.
I think you should look back into your history and find out who influenced you to become this way. Why do you think so little of yourself? It is really important to love yourself because when you do, then you can love other people. I hope you can find a way to raise your self esteem pronto!
Please, please, get some help either from a school counselor or a mental health professional as soon as possible. You need to learn to learn to embrace the differences in our human race and to love yourself enough to get help fast, like tomorrow,

Answer 4

hello i am 18 and ive delt with this alot expecuialy between 16 to now i know the horible feelings with your stomach and everything. i sudgested if its with a boy friend you stay away from the problem as best as posible. Do stuff for your self and try not to please others so much. What you really need to do is become very comfortable with your self (high slef asteim) Then hopefully if another girl looks good you wont hate her youll be friend her. I know that youve probly tried all of that i know i did but i was so bad that i was thaking cof syrup so i wouldn't feel i knew i didnt want to do that anymore so i took the pain of jelousy and found myself becoming more confident. maybe find a mentor to look up to

Answer 5

Am not an expert, but I will try...

I think that jealousy in its basic form is a result of one's low self esteem. In terms of relationships, and in other things, jealousy is arouse when you are threatened by conscious or even unconscious problems or obstacles.

Best thing I guess for you to do is to accept and love yourself for what you are first before venturing into something else.

Build your confidence and work on your strengths....

And learn to let go of the past.

Take Care...

Answer 6

i think that's more of envy not jealousy.you envy the shoes, hairstyle whatever. i suppose that if you have a boyfriend you are also jealous.
the thing is to focus on yourself, on the good things you have, and not on the good things of others that you dont have.
i am a jealous girl once.over the girls that i see talking to my boyfriend. but in that case i tried real hard to develop that great trust that my guy deserves. im still on the process.just try hard, and be determined to waste off that destructive habit. true, it seems to kill you inside so better get rid of those feelings

Answer 7

try wrighting in a notebook. At the end of every night wright a page or two on how you feel. Then read what you wrote and come up with ways to not feel that way. Sometimes you have to just make yourself let go.

Answer 8

I cant help you. I live with the jealousy monster myself...