Is it really possible to fall out of love for no reason?

Question

Well...it's been dropped on me. Out of no where, with no signals or changes in actions or attitudes my wife of 7 years has up and said that she is no longer in love with me. None of her friends have seen this coming, she never said anything to them about her feelings, or lack of them. She said that it's be happening over the last 6 months. Again, no one, including her close friends have seen this coming. They are in shock and feel she is messing up something great. One actually went so far as to say that she didn't agree with her that she didn't love me and that she was stupid to leave me. Especially after bragging about me to her friends and coworkers so often over the last few years to just up and decide she wants out. By the way, we have 3 beautiful childeren ages 7, 5, and 3. Is it even possible to "just" fall out of love with someone? When asked why, either by me or her friends, she has no answer...not even a bad answer...just no answer. Thanks in advance.

And to add, I gave her an ultimatum. Either I'm worth fighting for and we go to couseling, or I'm not and if she leaves it is over for good. We are going to counseling next month.

I believe I'm a very good listener...but also too much of a "fixer". You tell me a problem, I want to telly you how to fix it. Even with this issue, I wanted to seek counseling right away to fix the problem. If she would say, I just need you to listen for a few minutes, I would...no questions asked.

I'm sorry, but I just don't buy into the plausability of "just" falling out of love. I think there has to be something...a trigger if you will. But how can I help the situation if she won't tell me what it is or was?

If it was something lacking, she could tell me it. She absolutely insists that there is no one else. Not even someone she is interested in. She just says the feelings she had for me are gone.

She leaves for work in the a.m. before I get up, but I make it a point to hug and kiss her when I get home from work.

sxybrwneyedg, I only have one wrench to throw in the well thought out post. She states in her explaination for counseling that she wants to get back the feelings she once had for me. Otherwise, I agree with you (maybe out of hope more than logic) that she won't find someone that treated her as well as I did/do. Thank you so much for the response.

I will also add, shamefully, that I'm very hurt by the fact that I know she can and will find someone else to be with very quickly...she's and absolutely gorgeous woman. I've showered her with compliments and bought clothes (something she really likes to brag about) that show off her figure.

One thing I find I do not like about this site is that instances like mine, were a conclusion has been met, can't be expressed properly for all to see. See...I have an answer to my own question. I gave her some space and her true friends and mine came to our aid. It is with them and their experiences with love, divorce, marriage that opened our eyes. See...she really DIDN'T fall out of love with me, just had some longstanding issues that she NEVER brought up to me and expected me to figure out. After a few days of being told it wasn't my fault, and believing it, I searched myself for my failures....and I found MANY. I held her hands and looked in her eyes and told her what I thought and apologized for my failings and taking so long to figure them out. This is what began the road to getting back together and fighting for each other. We will MAKE this work. Already I can sense we are stronger for this. You truly don't know what you have until it is gone. Thanks of all the help

Answer 1

More likely that she never loved you to begin with.

Answer 2

Looks like there must of been some kind of warning and you knew it. You can't possibly tell me that you didn't see it coming.
Now that she has had the courage to tell you how she feels, that doesn't put you in a very great position with children involved as well and she now is less intractable.
She has found fault in you or has found joy in someone else. If you want to try to keep that marriage alive, your going to have to make a 360o turn around and you best show it if you love her and really want her and have no fault in her otherwise it will not work.
If you have loved her so much and done so right, why would she want to leave a Man that treats her like a Princess is just one way of looking at it.

Answer 3

Thats really sad especially for your kids.I can understand how these things happen though,I've been married for 15 years and have two young kids our marriage has become very much like good friends or brother and sister like in recent times but we've been lucky enough to work it out.Everyday life becomes mundane with every day the same maybe she misses the excitement you had before the kids came along try to have romantic time for the two of you to really talk.I hate to say this but is there a possibility she has found someone else? Hope everything works out for you you sound like a really decent man and a lovely family.goodluck

Answer 4

Back up. Let's go to the 3 year old. After your wife had the last kid did she start acting different? If so then she may have Post Partum Depression- throwing that out as a possibility, not a probability. Does she treat the first 2 kids like gold and is luke warm on the third, is a definite sign also.

When a chick falls out of love, possible hormone issues affecting her.

Answer 5

I suppose it is possible. But love is much more than what she thinks, perhaps. It may be she was infatuated with you for a long time, as many newlyweds are. Once this fades, perhaps some think they are no longer in love. But that's not true. All couples that have been together for decades say this happens, but you have to ride it out and realize you're in love, but some of the newness of it all is gone.

Otherwise, maybe she married you for the wrong reasons and never realized it until now.

Answer 6

Oh yeah, it happened to me. During the course of life, people are affected by their environment. Kids, jobs, hobbies, friends and everything in general changes a person. I know I have. My wife and I just slowly drifted apart. No hating or fighting, no drugs, alcohol or money problems, it just happened. We let day to day life come between us. If you don't put each other first - above all else, kids included - the gap between you begins to widen. And sometimes, before you know it, the love's gone. You become unhappy room mates. When that happens, I don't think you can make someone re-love you. You are who you are, and you're both simply at where you're at in your lives and relationships. I believe everything happens for a reason. If she won't go to counseling, go yourself. It may get you some answers. Good luck. BTW, don't post your comments afterwards, we / they won't see them. You have to hit reply.

Answer 7

stuff happens, and there's always a reason. i've been with my husband 18+ years (married almost 14), and i realized about four years ago that the magic was gone. we've tried and tried to make it work, but it just ain't happening, mostly because the things that were/are making us unhappy are things he refuses to acknowledge are problems. even his friends think of us as the perfect couple and don't understand how i can be unhappy. maybe that's what's happening with you & your wife? could there be "issues" that are being overlooked because you don't want to see them?

bottom line...you need to have a long, heart-felt talk with your wife, and if she can't or won't give you a proper answer about her feelings (which you deserve after seven years of marriage), it's time to think about moving on. love absolutely does not have to last forever (and rarely does, in my opinion).

Answer 8

well...either she has an interest in someone else (which i assume that has crossed your mind) or she just got fed up with the love life. like she misses the single life, the life where she can be care free and have no responsibilty. you can't have that kind of life with a husband...

i don't know exactly what she's really thinking, but there is absolutely a reason why she wants to leave. and you're not an idiot...it's common sense that you "just" don't fall out of love for no reason. there's a reason alright.

Answer 9

It's definitely possible. Don't even bother to look for a reason. The thing most people don't get though is that falling "out of love" isn't necessarily a reason to end a marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and the idea that love will always stay as fresh as they day you met...that's generally not the case.

Answer 10

Well it makes you wonder about "love" in general. My take on it is that shes not "out of love" with you, she just forecasts a better life without you in the equation of her thoughts. It probably means that she needs some distance for awhile, at which time she will either decide it was a horrible decision or continue on the path she set for herself.

Remember, everyone is free to be themselves, it just sometimes hurts when the other person isn't on the same page as you.

I'd assume there must be some kind of stagnate air in the relationship, a feeling of not meeting your expectations of life. It's normal, it's healthy to sometimes re-evaluate yourself and goals. It just sucks when it drops on you like a ton of bricks.

Best of luck, just remeber that with or without her you still got a life to lead. It's your story and nobody elses, not even hers.

Answer 11

its not hard to fall in love. the hard part is making it stay.

people fall out of love a lot. havent you seen the divorce rate lately?

why not give her a chance to see that its not always greener on the other side of the fence.

have you taken her for granted for a while? have you made her feel like you want her and nobody else? have you made her feel like she is the most important thing in the whole world to you?

only she can tell you how she really feels. i think that you need to sit down and have a long talk. amazing how a heart to heart can clear the air sometimes.