Is it worthwhile to stay married if your spouse doesn't find you attractive enough and is always watching porn

Question

Te spouse wants super sex but doesn't believe in giving to the other partners likings, is a lot of a bully. Is it worth staying married to him. I am heterosexual by the way

Answer 1

Hard to beat Yunesa's answer. I'd say go to a marriage counsellor. If you, or he, or both, have an aversion one to the other, you should separate for one year, that means live separately, do not sleep with each other, do not sleep with anyone else, date each other (without sleeping together), try to find, enkindle whatever it was you had in the first place. After one complete year, if you find you have rekindled your love, live together again. If not, divorce.

In my experience, it's not usually a physical or sexual problem, it's mental. I think sexual attraction is all in the brain, not in the body. I think you've lost whatever attracted you to each other in the first place. We usually let kids or work get in the way of caring for one another. If it was only physical attraction, it was never love in the first place. Separation is a good way to find out if there was ever a friendship there.

Due to pre-marital sex, we, many times, end up married to someone we don't even like, 'cause we were so hot for each other that we never bothered to check out one another's character. We fall in "lust", not love. We have a physical love, not a spiritual love. Physical love doesn't last; spiritual love is eternal--ever-growing.

Now is a good time to do that. You may find out you don't even like each other, and wouldn't even be friends. That doesn't have to mean you don't love each other. We should all love each other; but, that doesn't mean we should be intimate and/or marry each other. Maybe just have a spiritually-loving friendship; and leave the physicality for someone whose character you like well enough to commit your life to.

You may find out you just let "life" get in the way of "love, and give it another try.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Maybe your spouse needs a good slap in the face with reality. You didn't get marriewd because the sex sucked i'm sure, right? Remember when you got married what turned you both on and what both of you liked. If your spouse still acts like an *** try counseling, other wise to the curb.

Answer 3

Oh my God. That sounds like the lowest depth of misery for you. Your spouse needs some serious therapy by (I assume) himself, and then you both need couples' therapy together. He's let the fantasy world of porn trick him out of the reality of a healthy sexual relationship. I'm so sorry and wish you luck.

Answer 4

Change is the spice of life they say. If not physically, mentally. Did you ever figure out what is amiss in you that the watched porn has. There is a scope even for you to learn. there is a scope for the patch up. Dialogue is essential.

Answer 5

I think you should think first if he is a good husband in other areas. If he is, give it some thought and try talking to him. I would tend to believe he isn't and belittles you any time he can. If so, move on... you deserver better!

Answer 6

Sounds like you have maritial problems, maybe you should talk or get a counseller. This is sometimes normal but still, if you feel that their is still love and burning desire then talk to him:)
Peace
-Out

Answer 7

If I may just copy and paste a forwarded message from one of my staff (Unfortunately I do not know the source):
This During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.



At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. 'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.

And another story by J. Allan Petersen:
Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. "I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me."
Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan "Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you've convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that your're getting a divorce. That will really hurt him." With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, "Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!" And she did it with enthusiasm. Acting "as if." For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. When she didn't return, Crane called. "Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?"
"Divorce?" she exclaimed. "Never! I discovered I really do love him." Her actions had changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion. The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often repeated deeds.

Hope this helps- [e-mail]

Answer 8

work it out

Answer 9

ummm

Answer 10

i dunno... sounds like it's time to move on. unless he/she can be reformatted and start all over with the relationship (maybe get some marriage counseling)