no rude answers please. me and my husband split up recently for alot of reasons. i disrespected him often and what not and was down right rude to him. So i moved out and took the kids with me. He wants me to come home with our children and live in the same house with him so that the kids can have both of us. I love my husband and would do anything for him i was being a b*tch so to speak. and he found i did something a long time ago that makes its worse. but the question is he said when i come home with the kids nothing changes how can you live in a house with your husband wife whatever and not be together? he doesnt have no one else and neither do i. and i know he would never bring a female into our home and i would never do that either. I dont know if this is his way of wanting me to show him i do love and respect him that i am a better person now. but i just need some advice he is still very hurt over alot of things i have done to him. so what do i do?
2006-08-25 19:42:19 · 8 answers · asked by horrible wife 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he wont go to a counslier with me i have tried he almost seems like he is to proud to do that. i know actions speak louder than words. but he said he is stress free since im gone and when i spoke to him on the phone earlier this evening he actually said a few things that made me realize he is hurt and i dont know if i can save my marriage or make him see i really love him
2006-08-25 19:51:38 · update #1
he wont go to a counslier with me i have tried he almost seems like he is to proud to do that. i know actions speak louder than words. but he said he is stress free since im gone and when i spoke to him on the phone earlier this evening he actually said a few things that made me realize he is hurt and i dont know if i can save my marriage or make him see i really love him
2006-08-25 19:51:57 · update #2
I know hes really hurt i know i DID it. i dont doubt that my husband doesnt miss me i know he loves and there is a reason he fell in love with me and married me. but over time i just did alot of things that he eventually started to put up a wall kinda to protect himself. right now it appears to me he is having fun his mother n father both told me he tries to occupy his time so his mind dont wonder. when he found out i was in the hospital he left work and ended up in a car accident. he said he alot on his mind and he wants a good wife, a good mom to his children and someone who is respectful the only thing i was is a good mom to our kids.
2006-08-25 20:07:07 · update #3
first off i did NOT ***** him out of the house. secondly i willing picked up my stuff and moved out. because i knew how badly he felt. and thirdly i knew it was something i had to do in order for alot of things to hit the surface that needed to be brought up
2006-08-25 20:44:22 · update #4
OK… you have mentioned that your husband is not prepared to seek counselling.
Remind him that he has a responsibility toward the welfare of the children, and that part of that responsibility is to ensure they have every opportunity available to them… including two parents who love and care for them!!!
What is required is ‘maturity’ from both parents…
Mistakes have been made… Life goes on…
Put the mistakes behind you, and concentrate on what is best for your kids!!!
Try to rekindle the spark that was in your relationship when you got married.
Look at it as being a new beginning for your relationship as husband and wife.
Your husband will need to agree to those terms as well. It is not acceptable for you both to live in the same house, whilst at the same time, living separate lives. The friction will only result in the children being hurt.
Seek professional counselling. If your husband won’t go there with you… go without him.
Whilst the children remain in your care, you at least should be seeking help!!!
2006-08-25 19:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow at least you admitted that you treated your man wrong but it sounds to me he has his mind made up and maybe you should think before you move back home with him because you would just be walking on eggshells all the time and living with your own husband as roomates will not work for very long especially if hes just doing it for the kids because of two things kids are smart and they will eventually pick up on the fact that somethings wrong with mommy and daddy and not only that he may just be in a comfort zone and you and the kids may just be a temporary fix and you may be in for a heart break because he may just want to be there for his kids and not you and in that case he may like i said be in a comfort zone until he finds what he thinks is something better meaning (another woman)
2006-08-25 20:01:07 · answer #2 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think living together would be the answer since he still is so very hurt by everything. Sure the kids will have their mom and dad but how sad for them to have to see dad and mom like strangers. Never kissing, loving, hugging and so on. It will still end up hurting them in the end to see you both together but not speaking or loving each other. Move out, give him some time to take it all in and when he can move on and forgive enough to still love then it will be worth having both parents around for the kids. Just from my view and own life experiences. Stay strong, we all make mistakes but it's how we fix them in the end that shows your true self. Apologize to him but don't forget to forgive yourself! You both can't heal if you don't.
2006-08-25 19:55:43 · answer #3 · answered by Nikie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps reuniting might not be the best for you. One can forgive but not forget. But in life is so twisted you never know how things might end up. If you had any type of domestic violence issues in that home you shared, The best thing is to suck it up for your kids sake, and move on with your life. Dont use the kids as an excuse to recover a lost marrige or relationship. Live a life honey dont get stuck. enjoy your kids enjoy life .
2006-08-25 20:03:57 · answer #4 · answered by P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he loves u thats the reason he wants u back he misses u every marriage have problems and sometimes its more than enough but we should compromise and try 2 solve .moving out of the house is silly becos u know u can't stay without him . just say him sorry if he is hurt and try 2 patch up
u both need each other and ur kids 2 wants their parents 2 reunite
2006-08-25 20:01:43 · answer #5 · answered by indian beauty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not suggesting that the damage is irrepairable, but do do do get counseling before attempting to reconcile or even physically move in together. He is warning you that your relationship will be frigid and hostile. Kids pick up on these kinds of negative vibes; do not subject them to a lifetime of unhappiness. Choose to fix it or choose to heal and move on. Anything in between is too painful for your children. Best wishes.
2006-08-25 20:52:03 · answer #6 · answered by ophelia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW... I lived that! I moved back in(for the kids), it was awful. We had are own bedrooms, the whole nine yards.
There was so much hurt that we couldn't even try to be nice. But it was harder on the kids, we are now divorced, and the kids are HEALTHY, because their Mom&Dad grew up and became parents.
2006-08-25 19:58:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
counseling definately. start over kind of like if you just started dating. time heals old wounds.
2006-08-25 19:47:09 · answer #8 · answered by SexyLadyURcontagious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋