How do I cope with all of this?

Question

My parents are going through a lot of divorce issues right now. They've been seperated for 3 years, and barely now they're getting divorced.

In the beginning it was fine, but now it turned into this whole nasty situation. I've always had more trouble at my dad's house then at my mom's, and my mom told the court that, and now we're in the middle of it. We've been in the middle of it since my mom told the court she wanted more money from my dad.

Now my dad is mad at me, so is his girlfriend, and everything is tense. I suffer from panic attacks and this makes everything 10x worse. I cry all day and my dad says he's hurt, and that we backstabbed him or something, because he had also said he wanted us to live with him, but I told him I didn't want to, now he's taking it on us.

We talked to a mediator, and she told us that my dad was passive agressive, but I seriously can't deal with this right now. I'm spending the WEEKEND with him. :[

Answer 1

I totally feel for you. My parents divorced when I was 15. It was incredibly traumatic for me as an only child. I felt alone w/my sorrow because my mom had too much on her mind (my dad left her for another woman whom he eventually married). It sounds as if you're in the middle which is a terribly awkward, uncomfortable place to be.

It sounds as if you aren't getting any moral support for your pain. Can you speak to somebody...a family member whom you trust? While your parents are going through this, they seem not to be concerned about how it's affecting you.

The pain I went through as a result of my parents' divorce and the resentment I had for my father lasted for years. In order to prevent that from happening to you, I think you ought to try to speak w/each of your parents separately (you don't even need to be involved w/your dad's girlfriend unless you choose to, in my opinion) and explain to them how uncomfortable you are being in the middle. Try not to take sides. You shouldn't be expected to.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Look, sweetie, I know this may not be what you want to do or hear but sounds like your going to have to do some fast growing up. Does your mom listen to you? Talk to your mediator into having one of your parents get a psycologist or family counselor involved, and let them know how you are trully feeling so that they can give you medication (to help with your anxiety and depression) as well as mental health help. Divorced parents always think by saying the things to their kids will hurt their ex's but they don't understand who they are trully hurting because they are so consumed with hate. Dads girlfriend really doesnt have any right to get mad at you for anything to do with child support, living arrangements or just at you in general. When money is involved you will see the worst of everyone! Thats how they can continue to hurt each other. If his girlfriend is so affected by the "increase" in child support and that seems to be more important then helping a stepchild grow up healthy then she should start walking. Im so sorry to hear that, write in a journal about everything, talk to a friend, and if you can tell your parents that they are hurting you.They may just hear through all their own hate and pain. But I'm sorry to say that I think maybe you need to be the adult in this for them to see. Take care, Be safe

Answer 3

Let me start by saying how very sorry I am for what you are going through. It is a real ars* being caught in the middle of parental disharmony. I don’t really know what to suggest to you. If you were older, I’d say to get the hell away from it all, but unfortunately, you aren’t old enough, so something has to be done on your behalf.

I’m sure that you love both of your parents, but I suspect what you need most right now, is to spend some time away from them both, until they get themselves sorted out! It is not fair that you should have to go through all of the hell that you are going through.

Do you still go to school? If so, is there a school counsellor who you can talk to?
You need to be able to sit down with a counsellor, and explain what you are going through. Hopefully, the counsellor will know of some way to help you. If you feel uncomfortable about spending time at your dad’s house, make sure you mention that to the counsellor as well. Your feelings need to be taken into consideration, and it would be wrong to force you to stay with your dad if it is going to cause you much grief. You could perhaps contact your father by telephone or whatever, and explain to him that whilst you really do love him, you just can’t handle being so messed up, and that you need to find yourself before you can spend time with him…. Discuss that with the counsellor first!!!

I don’t know what Community Services are available in your area… Whether you have Organisations like Barnardos or whatever that can allow you to spend some time away from all the crap… I’m sort of thinking along the lines of temporary foster care, where you can be looked after in a proper family atmosphere, until all the friction between your parents has settled.

I hope I have been of some help to you.
I’m really sorry for all of the grief that has been dumped on you, and sincerely hope that things start to work out better for you.
Hang in there, kiddo!!!

Answer 4

You are you, remember that. You're more than JUST your parents kid. But obviously, you want to have a relationship with them. Just don't ever believe the things that people are going to put on you. You aren't your parents, you didn't get maried, you didn't get the divorce...so the problems associated with that are theirs, not yours. Don't feel guilty for a minute! They rearranged your life already, so you don't need to rearrange your life for them anymore...they need to acomodate you and what you want and need.

Answer 5

how old are you? i would really think that your parents would keep there troubles to them selfs.leave you out of it.and spending the weekend with him ,thats so uncool.where i live there is place that kids go if they don`t want to visit there parents for the weekend. and there is no fuss about it.

Answer 6

last week gurl get over it the doctor told me you were not sick wats wrong gurl got to a doctor wats going on in your head gurlfreind call me NOT!!!!!!!!! lozer ok listen to your momma