My 7yr.old son just got caught.....?

Question

My nephew and my son (who r both 7yrs. old) got caught with stolen property (laser lights that fit in your hand)my nephew is known for s h i t like this is always lying/stealing or getting caught playing with lighters. Any way when i found out about it i beat my sons *** for it and i told my sister what happen ( which i don't think she did anything to my nephew)any how i told my fiance and he said that i should put my son on punishment too . I believe that u should do one or the other not both. He also said that he can see something in my son that i can't and when i ask him what it was he told me that he thinks he is slick .he is just ababy still he doesn't know what being slick is. My son doesn't get into trouble i can always talk to him and he understands. what do u think ? If my man keeps on putting down my son i don't think i can go though with the marriage. i think he is jelous. My son really doesn't like him to much any way because he has only been around me. PLEASE HELP!

My son is first always & forever he did not choose i did! so n saying that, this is the first time anything has happened like this or even close to it. he has always gotten good reports where ever he has been. This is all new to me the things he saying. This is not my 1st child it's my 4th and all of them r very well behaved children. I can honestly say that i have never gotten any bad reports about them thank god! I believe that my man should be the one to do the adjusting more so then my 7yr old he is still learning about life(adding&subtracting,rights&wrongs)and also i'm not afaid of being alone i still like it actually. piece of mind!lol

My son is first always & forever he did not choose i did! so n saying that, this is the first time anything has happened like this or even close to it. he has always gotten good reports where ever he has been. This is all new to me the things he saying. This is not my 1st child it's my 4th and all of them r very well behaved children. I can honestly say that i have never gotten any bad reports about them thank god! I believe that my man should be the one to do the adjusting more so then my 7yr old he is still learning about life(adding&subtracting,rights & wrongs) and also i'm not afaid of being alone i still like it actually. piece of mind!lol

Answer 1

If you already punished him (spanking or what have you) why punish him again. I would think that that would be enough if this was a first time thing, the only thing else I would have done is make my son return said item. I mean obviously you talked to him about what he did and got the point across that it was wrong....they are only seven they have just begun to understand concepts like stealing, unless I myself am naive I feel you are right to question further punishment.

As for your fiance I would ask him privately to go into detail just what he means by being slick give examples if needed. If he honestly sees something you don't than maybe you can discuss things as a family If it comes out that your gut feeling is correct that it is a jealousy issue than I would really re-evaluate your relationship with this man. Trust your gut and don't second guess yourself a mother's instinct is rarely wrong. Good Luck

Answer 2

You need to consider that your son is on the path to being sociopathic. He is still at an age when there is hope for change, however.

I have a friend who has one son like this, he was the most spoiled and she CANNOT see it at all. He is now in college or trying to be, with some problems. We could all see this happening by the time he was in kindergarten.

You need first off, to get you and your fiance into "couples" counselling. You can each voice your opinions to a neutral party who has the training and knowledge to know if your son really has the problems I suspect, and if he does, can help you two develop a consistent and effective strategy to properly deal with this and perhaps not saddle your son for life with personality traits that will not be effective. The counsellor may also want either your son alone or you and your son together to get some therapy. If he/she thinks the problem is primarily between you two, and your son is just a normal kid, then the two of you are already there, right? If the counsellor thinks your son is normal, for heaven's sake keep him away from that bad seed of a cousin, or at the very least, only with tight supervision, and without the opportunity to get up to no good.

This not need be long term, as in years, but a few sessions might really straighten things out.

Don't call a psychiatrist but look in the phone book for psychologists that specialize in family or marriage for this type of problem. You will feel much more comfortable about your decision to marry or call it off if you have gone through these steps.

Answer 3

I agree with merl and mab. You're son may be an angel for you, and act differently with your fiance, especially if he does not like him. Your son may be the jealous one, not your fiance. Your son is acting out and stealing things because he needs/craves attention and control. Personally...spanking him only lasts for a few seconds and he is getting too old for that. Take things he likes away for a short period of time, or ground him. You and your fiance also need a little talk about proper discipline practices. You need to agree on what to do in the event of this, or that. If you disagree with the type of discipline you will enforce..you will have chaos in your home. Don't blame your fiance. If you always take your sons side over your fiances' side..you will never marry. It will keep repeating itself.

Your last sentance says it all...your son has only been around you...Looks like he wants to keep it that way by acting up and making your fiancee look bad. He's not the angel you think he is! Good luck Momma...and good luck to your fiance. If you choose to break it off with your fiance and the next guy and the next guy...you will live a lonely life! And..your son will have instability and act out even more. Love them both if you can.

I also would not allow your son to spend as much time with your nephew. When you pair up a good kid with a bad kid, or a troublemaker, the good kid will almost always mimic the bad behavior eventually. Since this is his first offense..it may just be the nephew's coersion. Hopefully that's all it is and not that he is jealous of your fiance or wants attention. It could also be a little of both.

Answer 4

I've been in a situation that my fiance said bad things about my daughter(we dated when she was 1-7yrs. old). I let him know that we were a package deal. If he loves me he will love her too or there won't be an us. I almost set him out in the middle of nowhere cause he said she was a b*itch. She wasn't all that crazy about him either, but I didn't listen because I didn't want to let my child to tell me what to do. Boy I only wished I had listened to her. Children can see things that adults can't see. They say love is blind and it's true. I finally broke up with this guy before we ever got married and it was the best thing I have ever done. 4 months after I broke up with him I met who is now my husband of 5 yrs. and he loves her like his own. If you're feeling this way then it's probably best to get out of the relationship soon. I've found out that if you have any doubts at all then it's most likely not going to work out anyway. Going in to a marriage you shouldn't have a doubt in your mind. As for punishment since you alread spanked him, maybe you can just talk to him and explain why what he did was so bad. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 5

Dear lady, spanking the boy was fine, in my opinion, but you're wrong about a couple of things in my opinion as well. You should also make the boy go into the store he stole from, go in with him of course, and make him walk up to the manager and explain what he did and make him pay for it. You should make his punishment doing a chore for a while to earn back the money. You're also wrong thinking that he's too young to think he's being slick. He's already got you fooled, that kind of does make him slick, eh? He's also coming between you and the new man, which is natural, but let me say this: the new man doesn't seem to want to punish the boy himself, or tell you what to do, he just seems to be offering an observation, even though you don't appreciate it. That's just from the few sentences you've given here. May I make a suggestion? Get that boy in church, soon. If you can't make yourself go, find a neighbor that takes their kids, and I'd bet they'd be glad to take him. He needs some guidance, and I'll bet you would take all the help you could get. Good luck!

Answer 6

I think alot of kids do this sort of thing at least once. If you really want him to learn his lesson, march his little but back to the store they stole this from and make him tell the owner/manager what he did and apologize. I hate to tell you but a 7 year old today is about as savy and sneaky as a 13 year old ten years ago. Kids these days are very smart and know what they are doing. Its very possible your son is pulling one over on you and you just can't see it.

Your boyfriend shouldn't be putting your son down. If anything he should be supporting you in whatever decision you make, if he doesn't agree he should hold his tongue.

Good luck.

Answer 7

He's cheating because he's worried about his grades. Consider why he's doing poorly in school. Is he lazy and unmotivated? Does he have attention problems? Does he have problems retaining the material he tries to learn? Look at the big picture. If there might be a question that there is something wrong other than laziness, you owe it to him as a parent to investigate the possibily of a medical or learning problem. His school has a system of identifying potential children who might have learning disorders. Kids already identified with such things as ADHD are qualified under the category of Other Health Impaired if they are doing poorly. Check into it. If he is just lazy, natural consequences of removal of privileges such as computer, tv, music, until he spends a certain amount of time studying (not just, "i dont have any homework.") Assigned work by teachers is homework, but homework is also assigned studying by parents. This might help him improve his grades &self-esteem.

Answer 8

it's better if your fiance and your son will click together before you get married or else that will be a problem and will be a root of other problems in the future.. your fiance has no reason to get jealous with your son, it's your son and he's a baby.. whatever happened to you and to your baby's father has nothing to do wiht that child.. and to your son? talk to him but dont shout at him, explain to him what he did and what might happen if he continues doing such acts.. and tell him if he do it again you'll give him a punishment.. i know he's a baby but it's easier to teach him of things like this while he is young, it will easily go through his mind..

hope everything will be fine.. dont feel bad about yourself.. you're doin this because you love your baby!!

Answer 9

I think that you're doing the right thing, spanking or punishment, not both. I think he's too young to say he's twisted or whatever. Talk to him about it, tell him that what he did was wrong, and hear him out.

If your fiance is looking down on your kid, I would watch more closer that relationship. I think it's important that your fiance can care for your child, it's not you alone anymore.

Good luck!

Answer 10

The one punishment is enough, but I wouldn't allow him to play with his cousin for awhile.
As for the situation with the fiance', it sounds sticky. Sounds almost like he is jealous, or perhaps wanting to establish himself as the authority figure in the home.
I wouldn't recommend calling off the marriage just yet, but you may want to delay it a little bit and have a serious talk with your future spouse. If you can't talk to him, then maybe you shouldn't be getting married to him.
Lastly, be open to the possibility that your fiance' may be right, because he may be... like I said, it sounds like something else, but just from one question on yahoo answers it's hard to make an accurate assessment.

Good luck