Separated for only three month I miss my husband but I can't go back?

Question

I have been separated for three month married for 11 years. I left for mental abuse and hurtful words and time with my husband . it this natural to still have feel for the guy. he love material things and put there before me . he said I was a wife this was a marriage and he didn't marry to take care of me. we have no communication he never have time to spend with me. he put his furniture in storage go me and the children didn't sit on it. I was tired and move out. he moved around the complex to me in a one bed room not two for his kids with they visit him he is very self. why i wonder. he bought girls cell phone to talk to them so he won't have to conver with me and walkie talkie he gave them in my house. I feel bad because i think about the things he doone to me. and it hurt because it could have been prevented. I known when child support hit him , he he goiing to have a hiss fit. but i have to take care of my children. what advice came you give me to forget him.

Answer 1

dont forgive him....what he did to you was wrong move on(as hard as it seems to do ) and find a man who will love and respect you for you and your kids...good luck.....ive been in your situation

Answer 2

I find it hard to understand some of what you wrote.My suggestion would be for you to look forward to attaining a career( if you do not have one). You can get help for career training or collage. Invest your time in you and the children, one day it will be to your advantage. You do not need to have a man to take care of you, oh it would be nice,but it leaves a woman vulnerable! The abuse mental and verbally will lead to physical abuse. I am surprised it has not gone that far yet. The children do not need to be brought up in a dysfunctional home, they will carry what they learn into their own lives as adults, it is a generational thing and it seems to me YOU CAN BE THE ONE TO STOP IT BY NOT GOING BACK TO HIM! Look at how long you have been in this situation and what it took you to leave. It is natural to miss someone you have been with for any lenght of time, those are your feelings and if you live your life by feelings in this situation it may cause you to go back. Fill your life and the childrens with positive in-put, go to groups that can give you a support system, get into the Y, they can lower there rates depending on your financial status. That is where the kids and you can enjoy participating in fun things, plus just taking care of you. It must have taken a lot of thought and courage on your part to leave, give yourself credit!! Many years ago I too was being abused, at that time there were not places to go for help as there is now. I stayed ten years. Take advantage of your freedom, learn new things, grow spiritually, pray, read, play games with the kids, keep them busy with healthy things and praise, words that are positive! It is not easy, but you can do this, make no mistake about TIME, because it goes by too quickly and one day you wonder WHAT DID I DO WITH MY LIFE! You will learn, grow and one day after you have asked yourself why you stayed with him for so long, and have seeked help in finding the answers to What is inside you, yourself esteem where is it, what can I do to change this path I have taken, see a councelor that deals with issues such as yours, believe me working hard to change and to be willing to acknowledge help is needed will bring you on a path that will give you so much more. Best of Luck! Keep up the good work you have started! You will get past missing him, just think of how you were treated. You are very vulnerable at present, so be careful with your decisions!

Answer 3

I am recently divorced after nearly 17 years of marriage. He left me for another woman, and after the divorce was finalized, well he tried to come back. I said no. I am much better on my own. It HURT, dealing with the pain was agnony, worse than the death of my mother. The reason, you were that couple. Your identity is being ripped apart. It is important to keep moving, do not be about the pain, be about the healing. Take things slow in your life. There is LIFE after divorce. Don't let your LIFE be all about the pain. I realize more about what I want in a relationship. Take an honest look at yourself and realize there are a lot of great guys out there (later on) and you do not need to be yearning for a guy that treated you badly. HIS LOSS. You need to love yourself. Keep involved with the community (helping others helps to heal yourself). Do things to BETTER yourself, go to school, finish your education, and you will have a better life and meet the kind of guy that will value you. You have to value yourself first, love yourself first, deal with the EMOTIONAL baggage, and then move on.

Answer 4

The best advice I can give you is to do things for yourself that make you feel good about you focus more on you and your kids and after 3 Mos.what the hells going on why isn't he taking care of his children why should you have to put child support on him to make him take responsibility for his children dont be surprised when all of a sudden he wants to be a Family again its called the cheaper to keep her syndrome and many men have it be blessed.

Answer 5

You've been so victimized for so long, that you don't know any other way. You are free now and give that freedom a chance to sink in. And when it does, you will wonder why you didn't leave the idiot sooner. Love yourself and by that, I mean put yourself first for a change. Learn to think only about yourself and the kids. Let your mind clear.

Answer 6

wow lady you got problems.... but here's the thing, you picked him didn't you. and you new about his ways before you married him. so you kinda did this to your self. but I would bet this is typical of you to find guys that care more about "things" than people so they don't focus on you and see that you don't care much about who you are in side. and you can play the poor helpless victim again. remember if you were a healthy woman emotionally and were stable and secure about what you want in a man them you would attract a better man one that would not treat you as your husband dose. so maybe you should work out you own inner problems before looking for another man.

Answer 7

trust me on this one.it will take time and maybe alot of it but itll all work out.you heard the song "time is on my side"? thats the only thing you probably have too much of right now but itll be ok.whatever you do just dont try to replace him with another. usuing someone else to get over the one you love is a very big mistake and im talking from experience. youll grieve just like hes dead but you will get over him.please dont give up. keep yourself busy and around the peoople who love you and support your decision to split.

Answer 8

The best advice that I can give you is to just take it day by day and pray to GOD to lead you in the right direction. Just when you thinks are getting hard just pray. I have'nt been married as long as you have. But talking to GOD gets me through alot.