Is it fair that my significant other expects me to do all the housework AND pay half the bills?

Question

Admittedly I don't work as many hours as him but I still pay my share. One week I purposely did no other housework except laundry, dishes, make suppers, make his lunches for work and grocery shop. I calculated that to take 10 hours. Not much, but more than he does. He mows the lawn once a week or less and cleans the cars every now and then which takes HIM about 4 hours because he's obsessive. I also am the one that almost always walks the dog and/or takes her to the dog park, not to mention looking after her while we are both at home.

Answer 1

How long have you been together?
I just broke up with my boyfriend after 3 years because he didn't WANT to realize what I do around the house... it's simply not important to him if the toilet is actually turning black. he didn't notice that the shower walls get scummy and the bath tub needs to be scrubbed. But, if I didn't do the dishes right after we ate, then I was a slob... but I did everything else too...
So, you have to ask yourself, does he CARE about things that are not right in front of his face?
Why do you have to make his lunch? He's not your child.
You need to take some control and set some rules of your own... He's not showing you ANY respect by making you his maid.
And I have to tell you my most important rule...It's the opposite of what most people think is fair, but there's a really good reason...
Whoever does the cooking, does the cleaning... WHY? Because, if you decide you are going to use every pot in the house to cook a meal, I am NOT going to be the slave that cleans that mess up... It sure does make things manageable...

Answer 2

Maybe he doesn't realize he is not contributing to the housework. OR, perhaps he belives in the seperate "womens work, mens work" theory. Find out the reason why he is sticking you with all the chores.

IF you all are splitting everything down the middle, then yes, you should split the chores too. That means he does some dishes, and you gotta mow some lawns. He has to make dinner and you have to clean the cars (the same way he would clean them too).

Still sound appealing?

My BF and I live together as well. He does all the chores plus takes care of the dog, cars and grocery shopping. Guess Im just blessed eh?

Answer 3

If your significant other puts in long days at work, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to take on the housework and pay half the bills. A relationship shouldn't be about "me", it should be about "us". Most men think housework is woman's work and wouldn't be caught dead doing anything around the house. Both should strive to make a life together. (I'll bet the dog loves you more and looks forward to walks with you. And really, if he did work around the house, you'd probably have to go to over it all again anyway)

As a last resort, you can always throw him out and in this way, he'll be forced to do it all.

Answer 4

I don't think its' fair. I live alone, and have to do all my own cooking, cleaning, shoping, doing the yard, cleaning my car etc.
I know I'd be willing to cough up cash to have a lot of that done for me.
I suggest going on line, getting some estimates for what you do at home. The cost will astound you, it's not cheap.
So perhaps, you could work out a more equitable arrangement, more like, he paying 75% and you 25%. Maybe something different. But I still think you should get some reward for all that work.

Answer 5

Every relationship should be 50/50. I mean EVERYTHING! If you all don't work together and do 50/50 you will constantly butt heads! Sounds like you both need to sit down together and have a serious talk because if you don't the littlest problems will escalade into bigger problems! When i do something for my husband I do it out of love. I also let him know when I feel like I am not being met half way! It's all about communication! Good luck! :)

Answer 6

Sounds like your relationship needs a tune-up--YOU feel neglected. When you start measuring everything, it might be a sign that you are stressed, unappreciated and needing a break.

Decide what you don't HAVE to MAKE YOURSELF DO- and stop doing that. Play music, light candles and take a bubble bath. Plan a vacation and at the right time talk about a way that you could get him to help you. Ask him in a nice way--snuggle up and askhim to do 1 or 2 things.

Answer 7

Absolutely not fair. It should be 50-50. I was trained as a young man (probably because my brother and I shared a bedroom and he was a slob!) to always pick up after myself and be neat and orderly. I have never been in any relationship where I and my lady did not share equal responsibility in all chores. You should demand the same.

Answer 8

It all depends on the system you have set up. My husband works 16 hour days sometimes and it would not be realistic to expect him to do half the housework. Also, on the bills, it all depends on who is racking up the bills, such as the credit card and car payments.

Answer 9

fair ?? *shrug* who knows what is fair in a relationship ?? as for the dog ? if you are the one who has to , then you have to.... a living thing is the responsibilty of who ever does it best, and in this case it is you.... sorry..... as for the rest ? what you describe is what takes place in about 60% of all relationships it seems..... men just dont think the HOUSE is their turf.... blame it on MOM.... my husband was brought up that house work was womans work....... rofl...... it has taken me 30 yrs to erase the things MOM put into that little brain of his....... but to be fair, I don't work , and have not for the past 10 years...... but when I did work, I had to do it all...... clean, kids, dishes, food, shop, run, run, run..... rofl.. but i lived thru it and now I can sit back and NOT do a thing if I do not want to...... try making a chore list... list every little thing you can think of, inside and outside of home....... ask him which 1/2 of the chores he prefers to do..... *wink*, that is just to get the ball rolling so he can see what really goes on when it comes to running a house hold..... then for real ask him to choose 3 or 4 things, making at least 2 of them inside chores, that he would prefere to do....... then bingo, they are his to do, make it clear that if he does not do them they dont get done at all....... Good luck and God bless

Answer 10

Most women have the exact same complaint...even though some would never admit it.

You might have better luck if you as him to do a job with you.

You will never find a man that will do as much as you do around the home. Accept it or settle down with a gay man.