Isn't LOVE just NEEDINESS in disguise?

Question

This has got to be why so many people fall in and out of love. At the beginning of any relationship, we need a whole lot more from the other person, so we develop a "love" for them. Once we've gotten what we wanted, I.E., companionship, sex, someone to count on, or take care of us, the need goes away, and therefore, the love dies down. When people say they Love somebody, they're really saying the "need" them, but in a way that's appealing to the other sex, and doesn't make them come off as "needy."

Like all relationships, the love gets tiresome and boring, because we have satisfied our needs. If love was truely love, then it wouldn't ever die down, but since love is actually "need," then of course it dies down, because all needs can eventually be satisfied and forgotten

Answer 1

NO. Love, real love is not needy at all. Love actually makes a person stronger as they have to deal with the emotions of another person, it forces u to grow and learn how to build a life with another person. Something that is hard for most people to do which is why there relationships don't work, because one or both people are not willing to put the work in. Honestly human love goes in three basic stages, attraction(the sex factor) or stage 1, infatuation(lovey feelings, romance)stage 2, and companionship(comfort, similar goals) stage 3. Real love goes through all these stages, and then goes back through them. For a relationship to work you have to keep all three stages alive. Most people think they are in love when they reach stage 2 and then by stage 3 realize that the "reality" of the relationship isn't what they thought. The best couples go through all 3 stages and find a way to be lovers, and friends. What your describing is not love it is more like a co-dependent relationship. Maybe you haven't seen too many real love relationships but they do exist. I hope that you find true love so that you can understand, but before you do see a counselor to talk about these beliefs otherwise you will ruin the 1 good relationship you end up in because you will set yourself up for the negative before it comes.

Answer 2

I'm disagree with you about the idea(love isn't love it just Neediness in disguise) I believe most people speak of love as an attraction to one another, but they don't look at personality. From my point of view look is important but only in a period of time, eventually look die down and all you can see is each other personality. So good looking with a suck personality doesn't do any good, but good personality eventually people will find out and it will last eternity. So true love is when you first adore each other personality. Which i believe true love is also in needed of one another too, because if you don't need that person then you can walk away from them any time and find some one new.....also the quote you write on the last line "all needs can eventually be satisfied and forgotten" may i ask you how many people in this world are really satisfied with anything? I believe it's very rare or you can say none, because people are greedy( some more then another , but everybody are) So Never is enough

Answer 3

to a degree what you say is true.. but a mature love means so much more... love in its truest and purest form, is a completion . 1 person completes the other... it may not be obvious to others how this takes place or is done, but it is still there for those 2 ppl... the problem is that over the years ppl have turned the L in love to lazy..... it is much easier to walk away and go to the next potential partner than to stick around and work at fixing what may be wrong in the relationship.... in the cases of abuse, that is a different matter..... that is NOT mature or true love... yes, love can die is some situations... such as abuse or neglect... and yes that goes back to NEED... but human nature is based on NEED....... rather it be relationships, or food, or the basics of life....... we NEED things...... we NEED ppl....... we NEED money...... etc....... get the pic. ? the need is not forgotten just filled and we move on to the next need... ppl NEED to slow down and really take the time to get to know other ppl.... this jumping into relationships is soooooooo silly...... and the word LOVE is highly over used....... infatuation, like, respect, need, want, those are words that fit more relationships these days than love..... love is a rare and beautiful gift here for us all , IF we would only wait for it to come..... you can NOT make love happen..... LOVE is NOT an action...... God bless

Answer 4

I agree, totally. You're correct.

Also, love is the best eugenics (procreation/pregnancy).

Love is an illusion created primarily by our species hardwired (actually a scientific term) need to procreate. To procreacte we need another person of the opposite sex. That's where the NEED comes from.

Of course gays/lesbians feel love too. That probably comes from the same biological NEED. Which is the same thing heterosexuals feel in love.

So the idea is to keep it fresh. Fall in love, fall out of love, fall in love, fall out of love...

Leave the mating for life to the Swans

But be good parents, even if in some new fangled situation.

I think the best situation these days is for the biological parents to live in the same town and share the kids half of every week. Really

Answer 5

You are ALMOST on to something.

The 'pair bond' evolved to help parents raise a child to the point that it could more or less survive on it's own. In the evolutionary environment this was much younger (probably 8 years old or so) than it is in the modern world. After this point 'love' is going to fade because evolutionarily speaking there is no real need for the parents to stay together.

Answer 6

If we are talking about real love, real love is on auto pilot and it is not beholden to language nor analysis. People can look in on it much as we look in on fish in a tank, but real love is quite different. Real love is like when they all take hands and form a circle during the sky dive. Real love is the sound of the ocean hitting rock. Real love is a vacant church on a sunny afternoon. Real love is the memory of what you love for dinner waiting for you. Real love is never having to be told. It is that strong. Real love is someone dimming his lights for you. Real love is when he stops and fixes the flat tire on your bicycle for you. Real love is when you push the window and screen up and liberate the living thing thing you found in the dry bath tub. Real love is when you give up bitterness for your hope to find someone. Real love is when the light is already green, for six intersections. Real love is having the patience to read all this. Sent to you with a big hug from Chris in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. (I am 63 years old.)

Answer 7

I dont need my boyfriend for anything. I can take care of myself thank you very much. I want my boyfriend and I want to be in this relationship and its a privilege for me to be with someone who is soooo good to me and so respectful and loving. So, NO its not neediness. Its a WANT and a PRIVILEGE.
You need to be in a few more serious relationships to figure this out.

Answer 8

How true. Another who generaly expresses the idea of love sucks. Looks like you thought this out. But love is like a need.

Answer 9

Love is not a need. Love is giving. Love is giving all you have to the other person.

Answer 10

So maybe true love comes when you "need" the person and come to the conclusion that you will always "need" the person in order to be happy. Makes sense to me!