husband cheated?

Question

My husband cheated on me with his friends wife. After i found out we went to counseling. I thought things were better but recently i found he had a profile on adult friendfinder were he said he was looking for a local woman to have a discreet sexual relationship with. He denied it until I showed him the proof. We have a 5 year old son and I have just started a very stressful new job. I don'tknow what to do. He says he loves me and wants to stay with me but I know he is a liar. I am scared to progress at this point. Should i give counseling another try or just walk away?

Answer 1

Just went through this myself. You have to get out! Your health is at risk, and he will not stop. It is a sickness and he is addicted to the high of cheating and being sneaky. After my divorce I realized it wasn't me it was him.

Answer 2

I'll tell you, it's up to you. The fact is that this husband, however, is a cheater. I think he's the one they made the saying about, "once a cheater, always a cheater." I'm not a big proponent of counseling. Most of the people here use it as a panacea for all relationship's ills, but really, the only people who can solve problems are the individuals themselves. Is he in his early thirties? If so, he could be feeling overwhelmed by family and wanting to see if he's still attractive to the opposite sex. If he's in his early forties, mid life crisis time. Same scenario, only he's worried about whether he's attractive to the younger ladies. So on and so on, there's still no excuse. If I could tell him, I'd say a real man would let his wife know he wanted a divorce, not be a coward and hide behind her back. You have all the ammo you need with proof of his add on aff, so fire away. You'll be able to dictate the terms.

Answer 3

He's doing this because he got away with it the first time. Think about it, he cheated and you took him back. His punishment? Counseling? It sounds as though you two never actually reached the reason the cheating happened and you need to do that first before you can work on keeping it together. Until you do that, it is time to take a stand. Even if you don't want to end it, it's time you put him out for awhile...literally. Tell him that he's gotta go until you can figure out what you need to do for you and your son. Explain to him that this isn't what you signed up for in being his wife and this behavior is a deal breaker. Tell him you won't settle for second best and right now, you aren't too sure he's committed in the relationship. Let him go to a friends house, his mother's or a hotel for all that matters, but he can't stay there. And please be firm. The idea is to get him to completely realize he royally messed up this time and you aren't putting up with it. Then I suggest, while he's out, you two attend counseling...with a different therapist, the last one didn't seem to do much but drain your wallet. If in that time, you not only see progress, but feel it, then work on dating and then from there see if he is deserving of moving back.

And I'm well aware this is going to be hard on your son, but keep in mind you have the power to not let your son know what is going on. daddy could be working, or daddy could be on vacation. Daddy could be anywhere for any reason...except the real reason.

I wish you well.

Answer 4

I personally have been cheated on with my ex-husband. I got enough of it the second time and walked out! That was the hardest thing to do, but it was the BEST thing that I've ever done.

Honey, I tried that counseling stuff. That works for a little while. As soon as you give him enough rope, he'll hang himself again.

You're just living a life of pure turmoil. You and your son don't deserve that roller coaster ride that you're living in.
Besides, he's teaching your son it's okay to be unfaithful to your wife and your teaching him that a wife must stand beside her husband and not stand up for yourself.
You deserve someone that will be good to you and that is trustworthy! You're obviously a good person and he's using your goodness as a weakness!
I have a good, loyal, trusting husband now. I'm not living on a rollercoaster, it sure is nice for a change. Took a long time for me to trust anyone ever again. It will you too. ♥Best of luck!♥

Answer 5

I just found out a copule of months ago that my husband was cheating on me. He lied about the trips and working late nights. To make it worst, they have been together the whole time we were married. He got her a cell phone and he's been paying for it. He hasn't helped me financially I am basically the bread winner in the family. They even have their own wedding ring. The woman is also married. I guess they were willing to to leave their family to be with one another. I did all my research and found out more about their relationship. I wanted to leave him so bad. But I gave him another chance. It hurts a lot. I ended up going to theraphy to deal with it. I know for a fact that our relationship will not be the same. The trust is gone. There are days that I deal with it and days that I can't. I leave it up to God to give couage to face this trauma that I am going through. If it's worth to stay... then stay. If not, it's best to leave. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do. Good luck.

Answer 6

It may be true that your husband loves you and wants to stay with you, but he obviously still isn't willing to give up sex with other people and treat you and your family with the respect you deserve. You already gave him a second chance, and now he's proved to you that you just can't trust him! If you stay in the relationship, your son will learn that it's okay for a wife to be treated that way. It may seem impossible to walk away, with all that you have invested in the relationship, and especially with your son, but you deserve a better life and more respect than he is giving you.

Answer 7

Personally, I think he is probably a scum bag with no respect for you whether he loves you or not. However, if you want to work on the marriage, my suggestion would be to rethink this stressfull new job that you have. Bet the two of you don't see much of eachother and when you do you are tired and cranky and not in the mood for sex. Just a guess. I could be wrong, but I can see how that might lead to some problems in the marriage.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, it sounds like you've got yourself a serial cheater. My husband cheated before we got married 19 years ago. We talked about it in depth and addressed the issue that led to the cheating. He apologized. I accepted and believed that apology and he's never cheated again.

If you really want to work at this marriage, try counseling one more time (maybe with a different counselor). If you don't feel it did any good, it may be time to leave.

You can not raise your son in a home with a man who doesn't respect and love you enough to be faithful to you like he promised in his marriage vows. Good luck!

Answer 9

RUN.

Any one addicted to Indiscreet sex - will never change through counselling. You only found about AFF. Think of the many times that you could not find out.

you have to be able to trust the man you live with - no other way.

Answer 10

This is difficult and painful. The unraveling of my marriage began with the simple use of pornography. After 17 years of marriage, it then went to the next level, adultry. He tried to hide it, and when confronted blamed me for the result. Next stop, divorce attorney. It is only going to get worse. He is a liar. It is going to continue. Additionally, it will HURT WORSE later on. Sorry, dear, but he will only say anything to keep you in the marriage, and not do anything to save the marriage.

Answer 11

Yes, you should give counseling another try, but just you. You need to learn how to spot this behavior and how to make sure you don't find a different man who will do the same thing. You need to learn how to take charge of your life and get out of this marriage. It is doing you no good to give him another chance. He doesn't' respect you enough to treat you as his wife. He is treating you more as a house keeper and cook.