she was a friend to both of us but flirted with my husband till they kissed in private. he told me about it and we are no longer a friend to her. he says nothing more ever happened. should I believe him ? I FEAR some thing more DID and he just won't tell me. Should I TRUST him 100% again ? I can't help but worry about him getting too friendly with another friend of both of ours so I always watch close and he can tell I don't trust him and he says it is putting a wedge between us and it is my fault for not trusting him BUT...I can't help it. The hurt is VERY deep and it will take time. He doesn't understand why I feel this way. after all it has been a couple years back and he has not lied to me since he told her to get lost and that he didn't want to lose me over her flirting with him and comming on to him in private till it ended up in a kiss. I can't get the thought out of my mind that more happened that day than what he is telling me. She is long gone and I wouldn't ask her anyway .
2006-08-25 16:57:12 · 15 answers · asked by lcj43938 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Only you can answer this question. Do you think that he would cheat on you? Follow your heart, it is usually right. It is possible that he only kissed her. An important question is, how did this topic come up? Were you guys arguing? If so then maybe it went further. Did he bring it up on his own? If that is the case then maybe he feels guilty and had to mention it to you to get it off his concious. Think about it and is it really worth you throwing away 30 years? I know it is difficult. I went through the same thing unfortunately I never got over it, it just never left my mind. I was like you always wondering until one day I got tired, my health was failing and I decided to break up. I never found out what went on. I hope your relationship will survive this. Lastly, don't only think about the bad things he's done (because I know that is all that seems to be crossing your mind!). Try to remember all your good times.
2006-08-25 17:40:22 · answer #1 · answered by KelFrances 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOOOOOH there, you have been married for 30 years. You have not told us that he had ever kiss another woman or told us there is a pattern developing in these 30 years. Why in the hell would you NOT trust him. He actually told you that he and she kissed. He is telling you the truth and you are running hysterically screaming the sky is falling.
Calm down, trust your husband. Give him the benefit of the doubt. why would you not trust him? Don't you trust yourself. And besides he kissed another woman friend, it happens but it is a crime, have a little compassion for this man that has spent 30 years on the straight and narrow for you. He slips just once on a kiss that he told you about and you go ballistic?
What is sound like to some of us that read your question is that you have a low self esteem problem with yourself and you need to work on it. I can understand that if you don't get help you will drive him up the wall and out the door.
Did something like this happen before? Or to your parents? Do you distrust all your friends? My dear friend you have a mental problem and you need to really seek a marriage counselor, more for you than him.
2006-08-26 00:08:32 · answer #2 · answered by NIck N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you're feeling hurt and betrayed. There's no easy way to forgive these things, and you'll never be able to forget. I hate to say this, but he's right that it's driving a wedge between you two. Listen, the cheater rarely feels as guilty as the cheat-ee feels hurt. You'll have to learn to play act that you're over it, and lull him back into a sense that every thing's OK, or you two won't make it. This is hard to believe, but eventually your pain will subside, and the suspicion will diminish. It's not going to disappear, which is actually a good thing, but it will fade. The reason it's a good thing is for those good old "red flags" that warn us if we're about to be made fool of again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....
2006-08-26 00:06:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to understand that we're all human and sometimes we are faced with temptations and sometimes we make mistakes. The fact that he told you about it, that he cut all ties to this person, should give you great faith in him. He was tempted, stepped over the bounds just a tad, and then made a decision that his marriage and feelings for you were not worth jeopardizing. You have a keeper there! A person like that is much more reliable than someone who never has a chance to test themselves.
2006-08-26 00:21:41 · answer #4 · answered by Just Ducky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as there is temptation, there will be sin.
We as human beings try our best to be strong enough not to give in. Try to look at it this way... your man was hit in the back of the head with something and HE STOPPED (he probably imagined you with a baseball bat or something... who knows) The point is, he stopped. You have to trust what he told you and try to move forward. He has been with YOU for 30 YEARS, it doesn't sound like he would let any other woman get in the way.
2006-08-26 01:19:57 · answer #5 · answered by Melm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So she's long gone--just a kiss a couple of years ago--are you gonna chuck 30 years over that!?? And are you never going to have friends again?? Come on!! Think about it--who's he snuggling up to every night and waking up with every morning--not her or anyone else!! Ya got something going there!!
2006-08-26 01:15:49 · answer #6 · answered by fallingstar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he tells you the truth or not you willnot believe him. The trust is broken, but if you love him enough give him the benefit of the doubt. It all depends on how much he is giving back to you. If your relationship is good and better than ever, it may be well worth giving up your thoughts and building your trust again.
2006-08-26 00:25:48 · answer #7 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this happened three years ago, why are you sooo concerned about it now??? You sound so desperate. If it happened three years ago why are you sooooo preoccupied with it now? He shouldn't have kissed her and I can understand why you would wonder if there wasn't more to it and why you'd have trust issues.
Trust your gut. When did he have the opportunity to kiss her? Where were they when they were kissing? Its hard to believe it would have stopped with just a kiss.
2006-08-26 02:24:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should try and forgive him and start trusting him. If he didn't tell you and she ended up telling now that is a different story. You need to let it go, she is long gone and he has no interest in her. If you keep focusing on it, it will drive you nuts.
At least he told you.
2006-08-26 00:02:01 · answer #9 · answered by 11:11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was your friend also she would have never agreed to the kiss anyway. I might be wrong but I think he likes the attention. Men go thru this thing that they wont to be eighteen again, basically they think with their ****"s instead of there heads.
2006-08-26 00:08:48 · answer #10 · answered by srcall1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋