Is hanging out with an ex after your married wrong?

Question

I have been happily married for 5 years, but recently reconnected with my ex (first love, together for 3 years). Just talking and occasionally hanging out, hubby knows about it, and doesn't seem to mind, so why do I feel guilty? I think about him a lot, but not sexually, just the need to talk to him. He and I had ended very badly ( i was the dumper) and had lost touch for about 7 years. I had always assumed that he was in a similar place in life as I was, but found out that in fact he has had a very tough time. I think I feel the need to fix him, seeing as how I feel partially responsible for braking him, but it is really consuming me, to the point were I am thinking about him all the time and not my husband. I am so glad that he is back in my life, I think we can be great friends, but I am afraid that it will eventually become an issue with my husband.

Answer 1

its not wrong when you 2 are just friends. My ex and I had a great relationship, until I found out that the last three years she has just been trying to get closer to me, so she could try to get me back. Well my wife found out about it and went ballistic. Said she was leaving and for me to go back to the woman I had been screwing for the last 3 years. One problem, I wasn't. She came to me and asked if I would come back to her. She tried to kiss me, and I backed away. She started to cry, so I hugged her as a friend, and tried to reason with her, telling her that I am happy where I am at now. She persisted, so of course me being the weakest link gave in and told her I would think about it, just trying to get her off my back. Well the next day she emailed me a letter with just about everything I just told you, and saying she was praying that I would truly come back home. knowing that I have always had a problem with the way my wife shows her emotions, and her feelings towards sex, the email contained stuff like "you know I will give you what you want" and "she doesn't please you like I will"........stuff like that. Bottom line my wife found the letter a month later, (we have nothing to hide from each other) I should have told her all this stuff that went down, but I decided not to. Nothing had happened so I didn't need her thinking I was cheating on her, so I decided not to tell her. When she found that letter, all hell broke loose and I almost lost the true love of my life. The reason I say no its not good to hang out, is think about how you would feel about your husband hanging out alone with his ex girl. (and really think about it) Back to what I was saying, in the begining, she was just buttering me up, to try and win me back.......as soon as I told her NO the next day, she wanted nothing to do with me. She became a cold hearted *****, and now is always giving me grief when I try to see my kids and all that other stuff, and has even said she thinks she wants more child support. All that for being a friend. One more thing, your husband probabally does care, he just doesn't want to tell you, cuz then you will feel like he doesnt trust you, thus creating a "trust factor" in your relationship. From a guys point of view, who loves his wife very much, I would not go for it if she wanted to hang with her ex.(of course he also used to beat her), but still. Your ex is in your past and you now have a new and truer love. Don't mess things up so that you will have regrets in your life.Just think about it and do whats in your heart. I'm just giving you a warning, cuz of what I just went through 4 months ago. Just remember the one you truly do love, the one you said "i do" to.

Answer 2

You are afraid of the relationship,because you know it's wrong. I hope your ex is worth your marriage. If you don't brake it off with ex that's what will happen. How would you like it if your Husband did that to you????? Just run into an ex and was just hanging out with her. Your ex caused his own problems.

Answer 3

Well it may not be wrong to keep in touch with him, but it is wrong to continually think about him. Remember you dumped him for some reason. He may have changed but you are not the one to help him fix things. Don't become the enabler. He has to fix his life for himself. You didn't do anything but realize you had to get out of your marriage. You husband now is the good man. He is the one with the open mind and not jealous. Sound like you have a great man there. Keep your friendship with your EX, that is OK. But don't be deceived by some imaginary thoughts of how it could have been or you need to fix the broken wing of your little bird. He is a man, and he will be just fine. You can fix him.

You can fix your present husband and lover. So stop thinking of what could have been and start thinking what is now and the future with your lover and partner now.

hey if you can't do it yourself and that is OK. Go to a marriage counselor and tell him or her. You need to work this out for the good of all. They (counselors )can help put it in the right perspective for you.

Answer 4

You are acting in a very childish and immature manner. Why are you trying to force your jealous bitterness onto your daughter? Yes you are crazy if you are letting this upset you so much. You said he was already your ex when the new wife started going out with him so why are you upset over it. You said that you two were talking and maybe getting back together when she grabbed him? I think that you should have made your feelings known if you wanted him back. If you said nothing you have no one to blame but your self if you did want him back. Your daugther is not being disloyal and she is certainly not betraying you. You are the one with the problem and if you do not get your jealous envy under control you are going to loose your daugher too. Stop being so bitter. You are to blame if anyone is. There is no reason for your daughter, who is a grown woman by the way, there is no reason for her not to visit whoever she wants, including your ex and his girlfriend/wife/ whatever. She is handling this in a much more grown up manner than her mother. Follow her example.

Answer 5

WOW! You feel guilty about it because in your heart you know it's wrong. You shouldn't have "a need" to talk to him... that's the whole WRONG part of this. Your husband is your love now, your friend, the one you share everything with. Your ex shouldn't be filling a void that your husband can fill. You need to let the past go. I know it is not easy, that is your flesh trying to hang on.... and flesh in the end is trouble, for you and your marriage.... and it isn't worth it.
You've both moved on, you don't need to fix him,,,, and you can't.
Be happily married!

Answer 6

you my dear still hold feelings for this ex deep down inside after 7 years you still think about him even if it's not sexual.(i think it is) being that you think of him more than your husband that is not guilt those are romantic feelings. i think you should not hang out with this ex unless hubby is with you because your marriage might be in danger.you can always keep in touch but because of your feelings which seem very strong if i might say so myself. thinking of another man in anyway more than your spouse is trouble in my opinion.anyhow you are aware of your feelings for this ex and you are aware that you are married so please do the right thing and be fair to your husband if you feel like you want to go continue being hangout buddies and decide you want to give it a try with your ex please be up front with your husband it's only fair you made a vow. because baby believe me sooner or later your gonna do something you'll regret when those feeling you are carying become mixed.

(studying to be a therapist)

Answer 7

Too many answers ...

- No, its not wrong. It allows your husband to have an affair and then guiltlessly claim that he was just hanging out with a female friend.

- No, its not wrong. It slowly wears away at your husband's idea that he is the only one for you.

- No, its not wrong. It only forces your husband to deal with thoughts of your possible infidelity every single time he hears this guy's name or that you have spent time with him.

- No, its not wrong. It shows your husband that deep down you are a selfish, unfeeling shrew who cares more about her own daily indulgences than her husband's feelings.

- No, its not wrong. It will motivate your husband to start thinking about leaving you, which is the best outcome here.

...

DUH! You feel guilty because ... (take a guess why?).

.

Answer 8

Congratulations, so "his life was rough." boo hoo. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, no matter how much you wish you had impacted him, trust me, he chose his path for himself, it wasn't because of you. He's simply using your gullibility and will find a way back into your pants, just give it time. I know, I'm a man. Another thing, YOU ARE abusing your current husband and if I were him, I personally would leave you before you left me. Because its coming, you're already spending all your time in thought about him, SO WHERE THE H*LL DO YOU THINK ITS HEADED? BREAK OFF YOUR FRIENDSHIP NOW OR GET THE DIVORCE, BUT CHOOSE. Stop giving yourself too much credit for breaking "him." What a joke.

Answer 9

It's a very thin line. I always say this to people: There are two ways to cheat, sexually cheating and emotionally cheating. I think you need to cut it off and work on your marriage. You and your husband are partners for life. It's you and him against the world. Your husband is a great man to be so understanding and obviously loves you very much.

You are not responsible for your ex and you shouldn't feel the need to fix him. We are all responsible for our own actions and the results of them.

Answer 10

HONEY,It sounds like he is already back in your life, you need to make a decision now before you do something with him that will not only hurt your new husband but find yourself back in the same boat you was in when you was with him. If he dumped you think about it he could be using you because others have found out just what kind person he really is.