I am 24 and 9 months pregnant and due in one week. My husband,22,is still going out with friends one night a week while I sit at home alone. I try not to complain but I feel incredibly alone right now. All my friends all go out drinking on the weekend, or have kids themselves and are at home with their hubbies so that rules out my options of going out, too.(Plus, I am too exhausted to go anyway) I know he is doing nothing wrong while he is out, but it bothers me that he does not want to spend the last week of our child free life together with ME. Am I letting my pregnancy hormones get the best of me or do I have reason to be upset?
2006-08-25 15:37:06 · 29 answers · asked by Pondering 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL! You make a good point, life is about to forever change, you guys need to address the issue before it becomes an even bigger one when you are with the baby and watching him go out. Maybe a compromise? AFTER baby comes, and you are feeling better, he can resume nights out, but maybe every other week. You are your own family now, he needs to understand theat. And you need to understand that he will be a better husband and father is he has a little 'him' time every once in a while. Good luck to you- and get some rest!!
2006-08-25 15:42:52 · answer #1 · answered by Smilingcheek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those aren't pregnancy hormones that are getting the best of you, those are female hormones. Of course he shouldn't be going out without you one night a week. Granted, it is ok for him to go places with his friends from time to time, but every week is rediculous. He is married now, and like it or not marriage has different rules he should be following. Trips to night clubs without your spouse is out of the question. He can have a poker night with the guys, or play a sport, or watch a sport at someone's house; those things are ok. You can go to dinner, shopping, a movie with a girlfriend, but the night club thing is out for you too. He should be sticking to you like glue right now, you've got only one week before you deliver your baby. Maybe he is getting cold feet, and feeling a little scared. Men get scared about becoming a new daddy too. Talk to him and find out how he is feeling about the birth coming. Communication is so important during times of stress, and having a baby is just a little stressful. You need to ask him for what you need, and right now you need him. He can't read your mind, spell it out for him, then if he doesn't give you the support you need you will then have a reason to feel angry.
2006-08-25 23:05:27 · answer #2 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No my dear, you have every right to be upset! I would suggest you communicate your feelings to him. Be specific..tell him that you "need" him right now and that this is the last week or so that it will be just the two of you. Try to see what might be going on in his ( little head, rolling my eyes at him right now)...perhaps he is thinking this is the last week of freedom, but that is extremely selfish. What if you went into labor and you couldn't get ahold of him? Yeah, I know there are cell phones, but still...it would be just your luck he would be charging his phone when you needed him most. As hard as it is right now ...I would certainly start letting my needs be known. I think you are sweet for not complaining to him about it, but sometimes...it's necessary. Some men just don't get it.
Sorry to hear you are going through this. I hope you have a happy, healthy baby and that you and your husband are happy together. I've been married to my husband for 14 years..almost 15..we have two kids..a girl 14 and a son who will be 8 next week. They are a joy!! Good luck to you!
2006-08-25 23:12:30 · answer #3 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No ... it is not right for him to be going out and leaving you home alone. Especially during your last week or so of pregnancy ... you could go into labor at anytime and where is hubby at?
And ... he will still be going out after the baby comes too. Your hubby hasn't grown-up yet ... and he needs to ... REAL FAST!
You two are married and expecting a baby together ... he should be home with you! Not out getting wasted!
If something doesn't change, and soon, I don't see this marrieage lasting very long at all!
2006-08-25 22:54:26 · answer #4 · answered by Regina R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is just looking for some time that he can just hang out with his friends before the baby comes.. having a baby changes everything.. we me and my husband it was that i am a housewife and have had lots of alone time (i'm 37 weeks pregnant) but he never gets any- so i try to go somewhere (yes alone, b/c we just moved and i have no friends here to go out with) and let him have some time.. we only have a few weeks left without a baby, and know that once the baby comes it will be hard to come by for alone time... however- he did plan a romantic weekened getaway for us this weekend, as our last trip alone without a baby, or having to worry about her... so maybe you could suggest just the two of you going out some night... but he needs to definitely be home more once the baby gets there... but let him know that you need him now too..
2006-08-25 23:47:24 · answer #5 · answered by daisylady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your hubby especially now in your 9th month of pregnancy needs to stick around home more and be with you. What if he is out and you go into labor......it seems to me he should want to be around for that and not out partying with his friends.
Dont know what its like to be pregnant but can pretty much tell you if I was expecting I would want my husband around and I think most women would want their hubbies there for them. So, no you arent wrong in feeling how you do.
You hubby needs to grow up and realize he cant be partying with the boys once the baby is born and frankly shouldnt be now. There is gonna be a little one who will need constant care so, he best start to grow up and act like a mature adult now about the whole thing.
Good luck to you and God Bless
2006-08-25 22:45:48 · answer #6 · answered by wendyceline2001 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be too upset since it is only one night a week that he goes out, but this close to your due date he really should be spending the time with you. He needs to be close and available in case the labor starts.
After the baby he will need to go out once a week again to keep his life going. You will also need time out and away from the baby. Be sure to schedule yourself some personal time.
2006-08-25 22:44:15 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the problem here isn't that he's going out with his friends. It's that by doing so, he's making you feel like they're more important. It seems that women are usually pretty willing to let their sig. others do whatever they want, as long as they make us "feel" that we are their number one priority. As soon as we feel like we've slipped to number 2 on the list, we don't want them to do anything without us! For example, "Honey, I would love to be with you tonight, but I'm going with my friends. I'll miss you while I'm out and give you lots of attention when I get home" makes us feel very different than, "I'm going to be late tonight, and stop trying to control me", even though in both situations he ends up doing the same thing! I explained it this way to my husband, and it made a huge difference in him understanding my needs. Now he knows that if he takes the extra 2 minutes to make me feel important, he won't have to deal with me being upset that he's gone.
2006-08-26 03:00:52 · answer #8 · answered by Shelly W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong. This is a very trying time for you emotionally and hormonally. He needs to take into consideration the you feel alone and need him right. His boys will understand if they are real friends and be there after he has taken care of you
2006-08-25 22:44:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm 23 and i'm due within a week too! my husband is on a "baby watch" right now. so the only place he's at right now is work. he wants me to call him ever so often to make sure i didn't go to the hospital yet. he manages a paintball shop, so his clients would ask if he would go play with them (it really does boost his business when he goes out with them)...he just simply replies, "i'm on baby watch right now. i'll come out when my baby arrives." one even came up to me to ask permission if he can play! my husband told the guy that it was his decision and not mine.
i think your husband should go on a baby watch also. it's not your pregnancy hormones that's acting up, it's your common sense. what you don't want to happen is that while he's out having his fun, you're gonna have your kid. and by the time he finally comes home, he just had his kid. and he completely missed out! that's my husband's fear right now. he doesn't want to enjoy a nice game of paintball and then realize that he missed out on his son's birth.
2006-08-26 04:47:27 · answer #10 · answered by mymymissmai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋