am I really being abused emotionally?

Question

Hang on, I need some help here badly!!I have been married to the same man for 17 yrs. We have a son, 16 yrs old. For the last 2 months I have been witness to him telling a certain woman he loves her, wants to be with her, that she is wonderful, the most important thing in his life, they cam, mic, listen to love songs, all night long. He has not come to bed with me once this entire time. He tells her he is dreaming of her, yet he won't sleep with me. He tells me I am his life, that he can't believe I would through away 17 yrs, just because of some silly internet thing, he says they are just good friends. I feel in my heart he does love her, but when I try to leave it becomes insane. I've tried 3 times to seriously leave him. This last time has to be the last time I try, I feel I am being jealous, but its always in my face, every night.

Answer 1

You are absolutely right in leaving him. He is being very abusive towards you.

His butt would have been out the door the first time I heard him tell another woman that he loves her, is thinking of her, dreaming of her, and the most important thing in his life.

Damn what nerve he has.

And it is not some silly Internet thing. If he truly valued yall's marriage then he would not being doing or saying those things to another woman.

On top of that......the Internet chat rooms are becoming a very large divorce issue in the United States.
You are not the first believe me.

You have every right to expect honesty, loyalty, commitment, faithfulness in your spouse. He is degrading you, disrespecting you, making a fool out of you, and a mockery out of your marriage and your vows before God.
You are not being jealous and don't let him tell you that you are. Jealousy has nothing to do with it......self respect does.
And I can just imagine the good laugh the two of them are having at YOUR expense.......Again.......Damn what nerve he has.

Get rid of the sorry SOB and get your self respect back. You don't need a man like that.

Good luck to you and keep your head up proud when you walk out that door.

Answer 2

Okay, the straight forward answer to your question is YES, you are being emotionally abused. He wouldn't be such a nice guy if the shoe was on the other foot. Any good woman who has been with a man for as long as you have deserves better. He threw away all that when he got on the computer with that *****. Where's the respect for you at? News Flash!!!!!! It isn't there. Why should you just tolerate your man tellin another woman that stuff? Being together for 17 years is what makes his behavior even worse. He wants her so bad then tell him to go to her cuz you have dignity and no man for however long you've known him should never be allowed to strip you of that. Girl, I feel your pain really and I know you question yourself and you should'nt. He made the decision to go outside the marriage and not only that but he throws it in your face, just rubs your face all in it. Insulting you and mocking you. Basically tellin you you are nothing and that he can do whatever he pleases and your'e so weak he knows you won't do **** about it. My suggestion.....call his bluff and kick his *** to the curb with the seriousness of a heart attack. Get a backbone woman and take your life back. He apparently doesn't want to be a part of it that bad because otherwise if he did he wouldn't disrespect you like that. In life you must learn that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Sometimes when you share a life with another individual especially say that you love them, then you will sacrifice if need be. You will control yourself and understand that priorities come first. He has given up on you no matter what bullshit comes tumbling out of his mouth. Don't let him know that you have given up on yourself also. Aren't you better than that? I would hope so. I wish you to have all the inner and outer strength you will need to get this burden off your shoulders. There are people in your life who I am sure REALLY love you. Turn to them, give your love to them because that asshole sure doesn't deserve to have one more second of your time, thoughts, energy, or love. All the best really. I know maybe I shouldn't give my address over this but if you need to ever talk contact me....for real. It's [e-mail].

Answer 3

They talk. They "see" each other. The share quality time together - every night, night after night.

Doesn't this description also apply to a torid affair? The physical presense (though I'm sure they are having cyber sex with each other) is no longer relevant in the internet era. These people are sharing their hearts and getting emotionally connected. Saying and hearing "I love you", and knowing that the other person means it, is one of the most nurturing, strengthening, uplifting things that any human can experience. And these two are doing it together every night.

Would you tolerate it if it was happening in a hotel room, right down the road, every night?

You're not jealous. You're being sensible. But be more sensible. When he is at work, contact a private investigator. Find out how to set up logs to track their activities, and then print some of these logs out so you will have evidence when you file for divorce.

Don't put yourself through this. You are clearly seeing reality. He is either intentionally lying to you (knowing that he is committing adultery), or he is deluded.

Good luck.

.

Answer 4

17 years is is a long time. They may be only Friends for now. Probably not intimate.Their enjoying the same interest for now. That could change. your son is 16. that can be a rough age. He see more than you think. He's not sharing the same bed. Maybe he needs time to think. Not wanting to hurt you any further or her.Let him figure it out. You need a hobby, something of interest to take your mind away for a few minutes.It will come to you.When you leave if you do you'll know. It will be for the right reasons. P.S. No matter what the both of you have a history together and it will have continue through your son. Because his life will go on. So the both of you will still have to pull together for all of his good times and bad.

Answer 5

The biggest question seems to be why are you with him? He is a liar but what he is most of all is extremely disrespectful then he has the nerve to tell you that you are throwing away 17 years he is the one that's destroying the family i say get out this guy is a idiot now i know that 17 years is a long time but let his cyber lover IM him his dinner. Hopefully u have had enough of his crap by now cause he made me sick just reading what u wrote give him an ultimatum either you or cyber home-wrecker.

Answer 6

Don't believe his excuse that it's just an internet thing. The truth is he's disrespecting you by doing this in front of you. If you stay with him, you will only be telling him that it's okay to have it his way. He may or may not love her but that's not the issue. The issue here is that he's having this kind of relationship with someone other than you and somehow thinks it's okay to do so. If you truly want to leave him, follow through with it and don't look back. He won't change unless he really wanted to.

Answer 7

I don't blame you one bit to tell you the truth I would leave his butt and no your not being jealous you have respect for yourself and the marriage he has no right talking to her that way he really shouldn't be talking to her I bet if you was talking to a man on the internet and flirting like that he would get ticked off at you sounds like to me he wants his cake and eat it too I would tell him this to either stop playing games with you or you will leave him and if he doesn't stop I would leave him if he got mad and would try stopping you I would take it up with the law your not being jealous and your not being stupid marriage is a commitment your suppose to only love your spouse and want him or her and share your desires and dreams only with that person I would seriously give him a talking to if that wouldn't work I would leave his sorry butt as respectful you seem to be and serious about marriage you deserve better take care

Answer 8

Hello???? Why are you still with this man? Why haven't you kicked him out by now? I know that 16 years is a long time to be married and you have a life, home, and son with this man. But it sounds like your marriage is already over for him. You do NOT deserve to have to see & hear these things everyday. I don't think you're being abused, I think you just have a very inconsiderate husband who wants his wife at home to take care of him and a girlfriend to excite him.

Answer 9

Yes, you are also being manipulated and treated in a very cruel, degrading and sadistic manner. He needs to grow up and discover that there are other people with feelings. He is being selfish because it feels good to him and damn your family, home and son. It is not you that is throwing away 17 years...it is him. If his Internet cutie is so important he needs to step up to his responsibilities to his family and take off with his little friend. Tell him not to let the door hit him in the butt on HIS way out. He leaves...not you.

Answer 10

I guess it depends on the boundaries set by you and your husband for your relationship. Some people don't think that interaction like that is cheating. Personally, I believe that it is.

If it were me, I would give him an ultimatum. Stop the interaction or I walk. If he doesn't stop, then leave. Maybe it will be the wake up call that he needs to see that you are serious and this is hurting you and your relationship. If he doesn't see that, even with you gone, then you will be better off.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.