Well I have my husband whom i love so much he treats me good and loves me right but there just this one problem thats interfering with our lives. He doesnt think it seems to be an issue but i strongly feel that it is. When i have my friends come over he wants to know what we talked about, also when hes working and one of my friends come over he gets upset and thinks wierd things. I also have to ask permission to go somewhere with my friends, like shopping or taking the kids out. I even want to go visit my friends and he thinks were up to something. I really dont understand why he is this way, is he jealous of everything i do or does he think i do wrong things because he probably does. dont seem to get it is he controlling my life or is this just normal i dont know what to expect or how to react maybe someone can give me a little advice......
2006-08-25 14:31:46 · 25 answers · asked by tori 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he's not jealous, he's controllive.
i believe there should be a balance in a relationship. so if he's making you ask permission to hang out with your friends, he should do the same when he wants to hang out with his friends. if he doesn't like that concept, then he'll understand what you're going through.
you need to explain to him that you do not like this controlling behavior of his. you have not given him a reason why you're not trustworthy. he's just insecure. without trust, relationships doesn't work. and if he gets all on the defense, tell him that he needs to wear your shoes and see it from your perspective.
best wishes.
2006-08-25 22:05:26 · answer #1 · answered by mymymissmai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a simple question to answer. It all depends on the friends. If your Friends or A Friend is male then you have an obligation as a wife to not make your husband feel uncomfortable about you being around other men alone. This is not to say that you should not have any male friends, but if the roles were reversed and your husband was spending all of his free time with other female "Friends", you would feel a little uncomfortable too if you were not included.
There is a simple solution. Whenever your male friends are around, your husband should be included too. After all, your husband is your best friend, so why not include him in your ring of friends too.
Now, if he is jealous of female friends and you have never had a lesbian relationship, then you and he need to sit down and talk calmly about his concerns, truly listen and then take action. I think you both will feel better in the end if you both show genuine concern for each others feelings. Don't simply disregard your husband just because you want what you want when you want it. If you want to stay married, listen with compassion. If you want to be right, I wish you luck and pray that there is no divorce or affair.
Hope this helps.
2006-08-25 21:46:49 · answer #2 · answered by #1 auntie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you need to talk to him, and tell him how what he is doing makes you feel.
IF he cares about you, he will lighten up. But you may have to remind him. Sometimes people don't even realize what they are doing, or that it is coming off wrong to someone else. If that is the case, then approach him at a time when you are both calm, there aren't other problems going on, and talk about it. Ask him if he feels insecure about your faithfulness and your love for him, and reassure him.
Check out the website
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
There are a lot of good resources available to help you figure out what is going on. If your husband is accepting to it, take the quizzes, love builders and love busters, and find out more about each other, before you are both so frustrated that it is too late.
Good luck. I hope you can work it out, but I know how hard it is to be second guessed all of the time.
PS -- IF he starts accusing you of more things, or if he gets mad because you try to talk to him, then I would start wondering about HIS behavior though. Just TALK to him, start there!
2006-08-25 21:48:20 · answer #3 · answered by browneyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there luv, my ex used to hide voice activated tape recorders round the house to record any conversations i had with girlfriends (who were all vetted) or family. He would phone the library wen i was returning my books and ask who i was talking too! (nobody, i was always faithful and never flirted) eventually I just hated going out, so he had a great social life and I had none, just sitting at home waiting for him! Looking back I dont know how i let it get like that cos im a strong independent women, but he just wore me down over the years till I had no strength left to bother with it all.
we split up eventually (yes we tried counselling) he just denied his behaviour to the counsellor, were can u go from there?
Turns out he was carrying on with other women and going to brothels whilst we were married!
Men like this have real problems, doesnt matter how 'well' he treats u otherwise, he will only take away ur life force little by little
Get out now.
2006-08-26 06:21:22 · answer #4 · answered by livachic2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a jealous, paranoid control freak... and no, it's not normal. Sorry.
You don't have to "ask permission" go to out. You're an adult. You say you're going out, where you're going and when you'll be back. That's courteous and respectful. He'll only control you if you let him, so don't let him get into any bad habits ;)
What you talk about with your friends is your business. If you have to, tell him you talked about periods and menopause. Men hate to talk about that stuff. They also hate hearing about conversations regarding sculptured nails, hair dye, which makeup is *really* waterproof, Bingo, bra sales at Walmart, how much you paid for cheese at the deli, bagless vacuum cleaners, swiffer mops, and the ingredients in Spam.
A few conversations like this and he'll stop asking what you talk to your friends about. ;)
2006-08-25 21:46:01 · answer #5 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a control freak. He wants to make sure you cannot do anything without him knowing about it. You are in a sad relationship. It will not get better, it will get worse and worse until you have no life of your own. It is time for you to stand on your own two feet and tell him you are an adult. You don't need permission to go to the grocery. You don't need to tell him everything you talked about. He needs to get an interest in something other than your activities.
2006-08-25 21:37:02 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I have the same thing and perhaps worse! My husband sits and listens to everything my girl friends say and then repeats things that he doesnt like afterwards. It gets on my nerves and now I stick to the computer to get away from it all. When I am on the computer he thinks I am having an affair with someone there and seems to think there is only one person on here!!! He drives me mad!!!
2006-08-25 21:37:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its not normal. and not healthy or good for u. my husband isnt that way at all. all i have to do is say hey baby its girls night out or im going out with the kids for a bit. but my ex husband was like that i couldnt even go out with his mother anywhere not even to the grocery store. or your husband could be insecure. when u love someone u dont question them u have complete trust until you are given a reason not to trust. good luck i hope this has helped.
2006-08-25 21:37:38 · answer #8 · answered by nuzzihuzzi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey you might as well give that one up. I have the exact same problem with mine. It's not gonna matter what you say you're always in the wrong. Usually they act like that because a woman in the past screwed them over and they can't trust another woman because of it. It's a long hard road, but if he listens to you, you need to talk to him about it. If he doesn't your screwed believe me I know
2006-08-25 21:57:22 · answer #9 · answered by Canine_Keeper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes a controller.
2006-08-25 21:34:55 · answer #10 · answered by nanny2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋