I am dying from a heartache! I am in the process of a divorce?

Question

Our marriage was bad. But I still love him. I found out some things that he did but he swears up and down he didnt cheat on me. I havent called him in 3 days. I figured I would let him call me but he didn't. It's just really hard because it feels like he just doesnt care about me anymore and he just walked away.

This is absolutely killing me. We have 2 small children and this was his weekend to get them so I was waiting to see if he would call me but he didnt. It just makes me so mad that he doesnt even care about them. He tells me he does but his actions prove otherwise. Should I call him and ask him why he didnt call about his kids.

I just have such a mixture of emotions I feel like I am going crazy. Im sad, Im mad, Im overwhelmed. I dont know what to do but I cant keep feeling this way. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.

Well we have been talking on and off for the last month since it happened but we usually end up in a fight.

I want him to be the one to call me this time but it doesnt look like its going to happen

Well I guess I better not call him then because I refuse to be nice to him...After all the crap he has done to me. I am mad at myself for even being upset about it. Its just so hard.

He walked away with no responsibility has not paid me a dime of child support, goes to the bar every single night, and all of the sudden has all these new found friends, (including females).

I moved away from my hometown I know noone. I have 2 small kids to take care of and I am in dental hygiene school. which I am thinking about quitting because I am so stressed out and I worked my butt off to get in there.

OMG He just called as I was typing..He is talking to my son

Answer 1

In some cases divorce is just as bad as a death, in the way that we grief for the one we have lost. And I think it;s harder knowing that they are alive and going on with their life , possibly with someone else and it feels like they it is nothing for them to walk away. I am so sorry for your pain, but I feel you are grieving and will have all these mixed emotions. I know it's easy to tell someone to seek consoling but you may need some medication to help you get these ruff times.

Answer 2

FIRST of all, DO NOT give up your education -- because you WILL need it pretty soon -- and for sure DO NOT let the stress blow this opportunity for you. I, as a single parent who went through divorce can only emphasize how IMPORTANT it is for a woman with small children to KEEP her Career and work something hard because the guy will most likely NOT provide Child Support according to the decree (SAD fact of divorce -- too many deadbeat dads out there).

As for the ex -- since he already was irresponsible -- take this as a BLESSING and get on with building your CONFIDENCE in being able to live on your own. This will take practice and day by day you will find yourself getting happier and happier -- and that is a good sign.

DO NOT enter another relationship at this time. YOU are TOO VULNERABLE and it would be horrible for YOU, but also for the CHILDREN -- who do NOT need to see their momma who is their life being unhappy.

ONLY talk about the children with him -- NOTHING else. DO NOT let him blab on, harass you, or do anything else -- just the status of the kids and when he will have visitation.

GET yourself into a support group in the community -- most churches have support groups for single parents, and DO go -- so many are single parents nowadays, their own experience can help you through the first few weeks, and help you GAIN the Self-Confidence to continue to walk away from a HORRIBLE Marriage.

REMEMBER THIS - - IT CAN Be done -- and you CAN be happy and be able to support your children by YOURSELF without the JERK of an ex around messing with you or the children.

DO follow the mediator's instructions as to Visitation -- if he does NOT want visitation (or is less than cooperative) -- DOCUMENT it and make sure the mediator KNOWS this -- for in the process of divorce, changes happen, and if he is NOT doing his part then he NEEDS to have a QUICK 'attention' to this failure on his part.

Other than that -- HANG UP on him! ONLY the kids are what is important. GET yourself out with some girlfriends, some family, and find some new hobby or way to relax for yourself. THINK of how luxurious it is to have an ENTIRE Bed to yourself and no NASTY STENCH of a burping, farting, ex in the bed with Body Odor and dirty feet. That ALONE will help you to laugh it off and THANK GOD that the bed is yours alone.

Answer 3

Hi, first let me say I'm very sorry your marriage ended. I'm divorced twice, and the feelings your going to go thru are no different than a death in the family, you go thru different stages of grief, guilt, anger, sadness, depression. My second and last divorce was just what your describing. I was 33 with 2 children still in school. I wont babble on about my experience, but my advise is 1) You have children involved, so YES, call and ask him why he didnt pick up the children, (Is the visitation court ordered for certain weekends) if so, CALL HIM, hear the pathetic excuse, and make sure you document everything. He has to take responsibility. 2) Sweetheart, at this point I know your in pain, but what does it matter if he cheated, he has already proven that he is selfish to ignore his 2 children. Your children will be fine, they have you! Never discuss their father in a negative light in front of them, believe me the absorb it all in like a sponge. Keep your anger in until you can vent to a close friend who will listen.
It is the hardest thing to go thru, but with the suffering, soon will come the new open doors for you. I'll be praying for you, I've been there. Good luck dear.

Answer 4

You need the distance from him to try and get your emotions under control. But he needs to see the children. Do what you need to relax before you talk to him, then call and ask why he isn't visiting the kids. Keep the conversation short and don't get into any issues about the two of you. You really need at least a week between phone calls to try and get yourself focused on starting a new life without him. Don't look back and try to rebuild the old life - look forward and build a new one.

Answer 5

I can totally relate to what you are going through. My husband left a little over 4 months ago & I was/am devistated. I can tell you this - it does get better over time. You need to stay strong for yourself & your children (I have 3 boys). Understand that you deserve to be happy and that there is something better out there for you. You have to make the best of a bad situation.

In the beginning I would call him some & wait by the phone for him to call or for him to show up. After being disappointed many times I finally figured out that I deserve to be happy and it wasn't going to happen with him (at this time). I ended up filling for divorce because of several things that have since happened but have not given up that at some point in time we may eventually work things out. But, I also am not sitting back & waiting for it to happen. If it is meant to be then it will work itself out.

In the mean time I am moving on with my live and trying to make a great life for my boys & I. It is hard at times but it is getting easier. I know that I will find the happiness I am looking for. I also know that I have to be happy with & love myself before getting into a new relationship. The hardest thing for me to get was the fact that I CAN make it on my own and so can you.

Stay strong & try your hardest to stay in school because that will also help you through this very difficult time. Your children need you to be as strong as you can. You will pull through this and be a better stronger person in the end.

I totally understand what you're feeling so if you ever want to talk, feel free to email me at [e-mail].

Patty

Answer 6

It's called grieving. You have to grieve any loss regardless of what it is. Don't call him. Let him come to you. If he doesn't, than he completely proves that he is very selfish and even his children come after his own selfish needs and desires. That's not love. We all know that love puts others first...so put your children first, because if you don't, no one will-including your soon to be ex-husband. The craziness will go away with time...just don't give in to it in the meantime. Focus on what you need to do for yourself and your children to make a wonderful life...your kids can't deal with your instability, so if any thing, be stable for them and do lots of praying!!!

Answer 7

with the exception of the kids and the schooling I am in almost the exact same boat.. I moved 1000 miles away from everything I have ever known so we could be closer to my wifes folks and a month and a half after getting her my wife left me and moved back.. we have been apart for 3 months now.. I am still holding out hope that she will come around and come home but im beggining to think its not going to happen.. I have seen other people on here have longer seperations than mine and have it work out.. I still have hope!!! I hope things work out for you..

Answer 8

First of all, I just want to say that I am sorry. Really. I don't have kids but I have been there before. Now for the hard part. The answer is, there is no easy answer. You have to make your own way, assuming that you can't go back and do it all over. It helps to let go. Make new friends. We all make mistakes. Breathe in and breathe out. Don't try to make it all better. Just breathe. I know it sounds cheesy...let go...there is always, always, always something better around the next corner.

Answer 9

As a divorcee, please let me tell you it is not your job to chase him down and have him make nice with the kids. If he really loves them, then he will know when he has his children and when he does not.

Your job is to keep yourself sane, and keep the kids happy and healthy. You have done enough for the selfish man you called husband already. Kids figure out real quick who they can count on and who they can't count on, so give them a home they can count on.

As far as emotions, call a girlfriend, grab a bottle of wine, put in a video for the kids, and sit in the kitchen and pour your heart out over a bottle with the friend. I have been there.

Answer 10

This is a crappy situation. If you can be calm and clear, it's okay to call to see if he's still going to see the kids this weekend, but don't call if you'll go the hysterical route. You'll get no where if you're screaming insults.

If you can't be calm, then go rent some movies and microwave some popcorn for the kids, get yourself a bottle of wine (if you drink) and have a relaxing evening.

Divorce SUCKS