we've been together for almost 2 years. I spend 90 percent of my time at his place. Well, i practically live there. Every time i say i want to live with i mean really live there he freaks out. As about marriage he tells me he is not ready for that. I know he loves me and i also love him very much, but what should i do. Should i leave him and find a guy he wants to start a family or should i stay and wait who knows for how long. It feels like he will not want to start a family for another 10 years or something like that. What do i do? I know if i break up with him i will miss him very much.
2006-08-25 11:44:30 · 15 answers · asked by sandy02 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Don't force him into anything...give him time..ask him if he thinks these things will come in the future.... if he says that they will eventually then give him time! You love him! Don't throw away a good thing
2006-08-25 11:56:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this man has told you "I am not ready for marriage." Then you must take his word for it. Stop spending any more time at his place because if he is uncommitted to you after two years, he is truly NOT COMMITTED TO YOU. To your first question: YES, you should leave him and move on if you wish to start a family. Find someone who wants marriage and a family, like you do. To your second question: Yes, you will probably miss him very much in the beginning but time and distance heals all wounds-- even separation caused by death. He isn't dead. If he loves you, he will miss you, too. Maybe missing you would change his mind.
2006-08-25 12:05:38 · answer #2 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's a question you need to ask yourself.... Why should he buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free? Maybe he has a fear of engulfment. You also need to figure out what you want out of the relationship. Once you figure out what you want for yourself and out of your relationship, see if they can work together. Can you accept being just the one going to him? Can you accept doing 90% of the job instead of 50/50? If not, set a goal for yourself. And then, set a goal for him without telling him (If you tell him, then it would be an ultimatum. You don't want him to propose to you just because he's afraid to be alone). If he does not reach that goal you've set up for him in the amount of time frame you decided, then push yourself to leave and for you to heal yourself properly. That way, once you're ready to put yourself out there again, you'll be ready to let love in.
Another issue is that you may be addicted to him. That could be why you're putting up with doing 90% of the work. If that's the case, then the problem is in you. Once you resolve that problem, you will wonder why you're with someone who doesn't or possibly can't reciprocate what you give.
If you break up with him, yes, you will miss him. But if you stay with him, you could also be missing a chance to meet someone great. Someone who shares the same values as you do.
2006-08-25 12:08:44 · answer #3 · answered by 00jag 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to weigh YOUR options. If you are okay with living the rest of your life like that then fine, but if you are wanting marriage and babies you need to rethink your situation. Some people are not marriage people and have no desire to ever be married. If that is him then reconsider the relationship, because if you do accept this life and get pregnant accidentally or whatever be prepared for him to break it off (he may not react like that though) but still you can't say you didn't know he would do that if he did. Good luck to you.
2006-08-25 11:53:24 · answer #4 · answered by Pentecostal Mama Of 2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man by the sound of it is not ready to make a commitment to the relationship. It better if you end it why invest your time with someone who is not ready to make a commitment to you, and perhaps doesn't want to settle down and start a family. It hard decision to leave relationship but you have to move on or you end up regretting it
2006-08-25 11:56:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How will you feel if you waste the next 10 or 5 or even 2 years of your life on him and his state of mind is the same as it is now? If you're not happy with how little of himself he's willing to commit to you, you need to get out now because the right person is out there for you and you can't find him if you're wasting time with this guy!
2006-08-25 11:48:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well - someone needs to make up their minds about where this thing is going
You sound like you are a bit young anyway to have a serious relationship - wait until mid-to-late 20's
2006-08-25 11:53:48 · answer #7 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends. How important is marriage and family to you right now? He says he isn't ready for that. If you are you have to decide what you want to do about it.
2006-08-25 11:49:37 · answer #8 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't u tell him what u want and how u feel and if he's not on the same page as u then why wait and waist ur time when ur not gonna get what u want or what u deserve..
2006-08-25 11:56:03 · answer #9 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends
2006-08-25 12:14:27 · answer #10 · answered by Pre lives on 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋