It's a story, probably somewhere between 270-300 pages when it's done, for young adult readers. Understand that I am 13 years old and have never taken any writing classes outside of my school's curriculum! Please read what's posted of my story and sign the guestbook!
http://www.freewebs.com/enchantedcheesecake/theuntitledproject.htm
(Please answer the poll, too! Just scroll past the into to get to the story!)
2006-08-25 11:34:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
WOW - pretty decent! Are you sure you are only 13? I read the whole thing and am curious to see where it goes. I do have a few comments on the story - there are some punctuation issues (easily corrected), a few grammer/phrasing flags (nothing major) and a storyline question.
The phrasing flags:
you wrote -"To passersby" how about "To the passerbys" or "To a passerby"
You wrote -"Then, the boy slipped inside, pushing the heavy oak door and stepping into the dark room beyond. He could not hide his excitement." Instead of "then", how about an adverb such as "hastily" or perhaps starting with "With anticipation" or even just "The boy slipped inside"?
you wrote - "Through the window, the street looked like a watercolor painting someone had dumped a cup of coffee on."
WOW - great line, great imagry! I stopped and reread it so that I could take in the picture you painted! One of the best lines I've seen in a long time - kudoos to you!
you wrote - "Then, Mini stood up excitedly." The same as the above comment. You could use "suddenly" or "abruptly"....you get the picture.
Last thing, storyline related - I wondered how a 14 year old boy could live on his own with no parents or apparent gaurdian. At some point this will need to be addressed in the story (earlier, rather than later) to keep the reader interested in the story as a possibilty of reality.
Please know that all in all, I found it to be interesting and well written. If I didn't, I wouldn't have read it to the end. You have a great gift for imagry and character description. Don't stop writing!
2006-08-25 17:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by tk30606 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i change that my bad, i didnt scrool down enough i apoligize, when i read it all add something to this post. Ok i read the first to paragraphs, and i must say i am impressed with your descriptive writing. but there are a few gramatical errors and just to be sure i would read through endlessly. ive written books for school and if theres one thing i learned u can never edit it enough. you should write your rough drafts as best as you can but don't change anything while you're writing it, leave it to site for a day then come back to it the next day. With a fresh mind not tired from writing you will be able to edit mistakes you wouldn't have noticed otherwise. keep doin this until you truly think it is perfect. Hope this helped, and when your done i hope to read a well written best seller. P.S. if you are this good without classes or lessons you should take some, you will be an extremely brilliant writer.
2006-08-25 11:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by michael 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your writing is truly impressive! For a 13-year-old, you have a strong grasp of correct punctuation and meaningful dialogue. Well done!
You've added vivid descriptions of your characters and the settings in which they act. I would rate these sample chapters a high 10 because of the tenseness and the descriptive characters you've given the reader. Furthermore, the natural dialogue you've inserted is realistic for the characters. I believe your writing ability is extraordinaire.
I encourage you to complete this story and seek representation if possible.
The only irksome thing was the continual floating of the boxes running upward from left to right on your website. Otherwise, no complaints whatsoever.
2006-08-25 12:03:02 · answer #3 · answered by Guitarpicker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are extremely talented, and you´ve got an excellent vocabulary, its amazin that you´re only 13 years old, the way you speak is very mature, you´re gonna be a great writer..in fact you already are. :) I was right away captivated by your story, ...when i start to read a really good book, i normally cant put it down again until i´ve read the whole thing through lol...n it was definitely like that just now with your novel, i was like glued to the screen the whole time, hehe. I cant wait to read the rest of your novel. Good luck and keep up the great work. :)
2006-08-26 08:09:25 · answer #4 · answered by Jaded 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a 13 year old, this is really good. I'm 16 & a hopeful writer and was blown away by the first paragraph. Keep it up!
2006-08-25 11:43:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read the first few pages. This is good work, as good as any. Are you sure you're only 13? I look forward to seeing your book at the library and checking it out.
2006-08-25 11:46:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i haven't gotten to read all of it because i am pressed for tI'me but i saved the site and will finish it later.
I have to say though that i can't even right like that and im a junior in high school. you have a lot of talent and i thought that what you wrote, is really good! keep writing because you have a great talent for it.
2006-08-25 11:56:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is terrific for a 13 year old. I look forward to seeing one of your books on a store shelf someday.
2006-08-25 13:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by Walty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Pretty Good : P
Im doing a bit of writing myself... (im 14)...
and kudos to you... hope to see your name on the cover of a new york times best seller!
2006-08-25 13:58:26 · answer #9 · answered by emilyONION 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! i became hooked! that is really good!...wow...i dont think i can stop saying that! its really descriptive, just how i like them! and its really well written. Cant wait to see it in stores : )
oh yah, them boxes that float around are annoying lol
2006-08-25 12:15:12 · answer #10 · answered by indianschick24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋