what dou think of this poem?

Question

Firstly I know the gramer, and spelling leaves alot to be desired
but what do you think of the content?

Park Hill

note, park hill is a housing block in shefield U.K anyone who has been
through shefield knows the place! The poem is veiwing it from an
outsiders percpective and a negative one at that, not a factual account
of what it is really like to live there, just a poem about what I thought
it would be like to live there.
On to the poem,

Why did they build you, what are you for?
To house the familys that are many,
to shelter the poor?
What is it that hangs over you, that oppresive feel?
Its like the worrys and cares of your many inhabitants
have been rubbed into your walls like stains of long suffering
crumbling into cold concrete. Yet they tell me your listed,
I say your rotten meat.

For over 50 years you were left to decay and rot, though from the day you was built,
I say you were long forgot! Gray grim and bleak,damp cramped and many leaks.
A multi-sorry-story of what someones bad idea can reap.

Scar of the north, eyesore of the skys, you are just a building,
yet you make me wonder why.
Hope and fear, hate and tears, crime and lies in some 50 past years.
You have a story to tell, in 50 or so years of all kinds of Hell
of all the lives within you, where the unfortunate people dwell.
A monument to despair, may you allways stand there, Park hill.
For if not there, then stand somewhere ellse you surely will.

Answer 1

I think your discipline is abysmal. You have no sense of metre and pitch, no sense of scansion, and - dare I say it - you can't spell or punctuate. Read on.

That said ...

There is a brutal honesty in this verse that is undeniable. There is a compact bleakness of expression balanced with a backhanded indefatigability of spirit that is, quite honestly, breathtaking.

The rough edges will alienate many, and need to be honed. But you have captured the essence of the thing - you have used the best words in their best order to paint a picture that is genuinely evocative. I would very much commend to you the exact amount of training necessary to give just that little bit of polish that modern media requires, and then - for pity's sake - keep writing!

I like it. I was moved. And, for a moment, I was there.

Answer 2

It invokes feeling indeed but also presents a view of hopelessness, victimization, and despair that are self serving and show absolutely no sense of self-pride. The rhyming is sophomoric but at a par with most "poets" today. People must take responsibility for improving their own lives and their lots in life. If one builds up his health, education and his fortune by hard work and dedication to good things then Park Hill will become only a memory. But if they live their lives blaming others for their misery and doing all of the things that destroy character, morality, and virtue they themselves become the eyesore, the scar, and the monument to despair.

Answer 3

You're paying too much attention to ryhming and not enough to the poem's overall appeal. Other than that, a decent poem and an enjoyable read!

Answer 4

Poem fine but not exceptionally interesting - limited appeal
Question too long

Answer 5

I liked it, though it could use a little tightening up.
Get your spelling right, but don't worry about grammar - poetry lets you do anything.

I look forward to more of your work!

Answer 6

Nice description, but work on the content. You've put enough thoughts on your wordplay. needs better content.

Answer 7

Not a lot goes on to long people will lose interest

Answer 8

It's about Death

Answer 9

Remarkable my dear boy . Truly inspirational and one i shall always cherish . You were great before, now you are a ******* legend.

Answer 10

I think its real great in the beginning, but than it gets boring.