I found a womans number in my husband's phone. I called it and it turned out that they had been seeing each other for a month. I confronted him and he said nothing happened and that he was "sorry". I tried to leave to give him some time but he wouldn't let me. He told me that he loved me and that it had nothing to do with me that everything was going to change. I staid, he started paying more attention to me, telling me he loved me all the time. I still didn't trust him so I kept looking through his calls. In the month of July I found another number, So once again I called it. A woman picked up, I didn't ask her anything I just hanged up. I told him about that one and he tried to say someone at work had used his phone, I told him that was funny because it was after work hours and he had been calling her a lot so it wasnt a wrong #. I looked more and found pics of a naked woman taken 4/2006 and many other #'s. I love him but is it worth staying with him? not trusting him,checking calls?
2006-08-25 11:04:27 · 24 answers · asked by Elizabeth M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no, obviously he doesn't love and respect you the same way you love him. I am a firm believer that a lasting relationship needs a strong foundation and if you dont have trust or respect then you dont have anything. Honey you need to leave his sorry as@ and get on with your life I am sure that you are a young, beautiful and intelligent so find someone that will treat you like a princess and ditch the loser.
2006-08-25 11:20:07 · answer #1 · answered by successisnteasy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope its not worth it. You have seen his character...BELIEVE IT. This is obviously who he is and unless you want to continue being cheated on (and he is cheating, lets not fool ourselves here) you need to get out.
The first thing to do in a situation like this is realize there is a pattern to the healing process, first there is a lot of anger, second there may be a period when you have sex with your partner a lot in order to 'stake your claim' or win your partner back, then the real affects of what has happened set in and thats when you know whether it is something you can deal with or not. I didn't realize this and made mistakes and big decisions while still going through this process and they turned out to be the wrong decisions. I feel that if I had known about this pattern I could have seen things more clearly.
As far as continuing the relationship or not you first need to determine whether or not getting over it is something you should do. I saw 7 things that can help you determine this:
Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time he cheated on you has he cheated on other gf's)
Does he own it (take full blame) or does he make excuses for why it happened?
Does he REALLY grasp the damage he's done to you and your relationship or does he just pay it lip service?
Is he sorry for the choice he made or sorry that he got caught?
Is he willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess he made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or does he want to deny it and move on?
Is it out of character for him or is he insenstive about other things too? (respects your feelings, treats you with dignity, etc)
Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did he grow up in a family where this happened? if its what he learned thats a big clue.
Once you've gone through these and IF you determine that the answers all favor a successful relationship then you take it one day a at a time, if its a history or a pattern you leave and realize that it is the idea of the relationship that you 'love' and not the reality, surely you don't define being loved as someone that devestates you emotionally and doesn't care that he did. you have a lot of thinking to do, but don't worry it WILL get better and you will be ok!
2006-08-25 19:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are feeling dumb for letting him get away with it. If you feel the need to check up on him there is no trust, and not much in the way of a relationship. Just because you are accustomed to being with him is not a reason to stay with someone that is untrustworthy. It is hard to go, I know, but once done you will eventually feel better about yourself for doing it. It takes time to get over, but lots of others have done it and survived.
Good luck
2006-08-25 19:27:21 · answer #3 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its definitely not worth it. You dont deserve to be constantly disrespected like that and its not fair that he tells u lies to keep u around. You should just leave him and let him know your not going to take his BS. You might not want to leave him because of course you love him and it'll be hard, but if you stay with him he's going to continue to do the same thing and your gonna get hurt even more. You can try marriage counseling to see if that works, so you can figure out WHY he's cheating on you.
2006-08-25 18:25:44 · answer #4 · answered by @bsolutely $weet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real question is do you like to degrade yourself, or let someone else do it for you? Cause honestly you are doing both. I know you already know in your heart what you need to do. You honestly really don't need us to tell you. Just stop making excuses for him and do before he really hurts you emotionally. Just think of all the women you knew nothing about, and all the people who knew and know, you are making yourself look stupid. I don't mean to be mean I just stated it very bluntly. I wish you all the best and I hope that everything works out for you no matter your choice.
2006-08-25 19:16:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's gonna really be a heart ache. If he REALLY does stop, you will still have your doubts. If he doesn't, u will wonder why u let this continue. If u think u can trust him, stay. But if u feel the need to look through his cell bill every month, honestly, it's not worth it.
2006-08-25 18:10:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not stay with him, even if you love him. Even if he says nothing happened, most likely it did. If he says he is going to change, he won't. I have seen this kind of thing happen many times. It may hurt leaving, but it will be better in the future.
2006-08-25 18:10:42 · answer #7 · answered by red_rose_430 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no if you feel you can not trust him then there is no reason to stay in that relationship. and what you did find i would leave as soon as possible, whatever he is telling you he has got to be lieing. He did not tell you about the numbers till you found them... so he is lieing to you now. Get out and soon!
2006-08-25 18:11:15 · answer #8 · answered by sexy momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can accept that he's a player and it will not change - then stay with him. But if it's something you're not willing to tolerate - leave a.s.a.p. It's too important of an issue to comrpomise on. It'll be tough at first, but you'll fall out of love with him eventually and move on - and you'll be thankful you left.
2006-08-25 18:20:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
.Take your things and move out for a while. He will realize what he had and it might make him work to get you back. In the meantime work on yourself to make you feel good. Dress up and look your best and get noticed by other men and he will probably get back in the game. Then you make your demands be met before you move back in. Get counseling for both of you and see where it goes. Good Luck.
2006-08-25 18:15:55 · answer #10 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋