My husband and I have been married for a long time (almost 15 years in November), and I know we both love each other very much, or we wouldn't have stayed together this long and had a child together. Our marriage has been under some strain lately, and I feel the communication gradually desentegrating between us. We weren't like this before. I don't believe in divorce, but I don't want things to continue like this. It's breaking both of our hearts, and both of us have cried many times over it. What can you do to rekindle a love that you know can be saved? And a love that has to be because you have a child together?
2006-08-25 10:44:31 · 20 answers · asked by .......... 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm looking for encouragement on how to keep the marriage together, not to seperate, or end my marriage. That's not an option. A lot of the other answers have been very helpful, though. You're giving me a a lot of hope for the future. Thankyou.
2006-08-25 11:21:18 · update #1
I've been checking back periodically while I'm working on my homework, and I've seen a lot of good answers. Yes, I've talked to my husband about therapy, and he won't go. He's of the old school belief system that you take care of your problems on your own. However, I am willing to try it. If he won't go, then I can still go by myself. It's something I've been considering. I will do anything to work things out, as I have invested too much in the relationship to throw it all away. Plus, my son would be hurt. People don't think sometimes when they post answers saying it's over and to seperate. It will never be over. There is a child involved, and we'll always be linked together through him, and have to be good to each other. I also can't leave because I was raised in a home with a stepfather who I can't stand, and I've never known my father. I can't do that to my son, or seperate him from his dad. It wouldn't be fair to him. I'm looking at the big picture, not just thinking about myself.
2006-08-25 13:24:42 · update #2
You have to be honest with him. If he loves you, truly, he will be willing to do whatever it takes. Counseling would be a help. You have to work on forgiveness after that. Good Luck!
2006-08-25 10:50:02 · answer #1 · answered by poisonivy4913 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Catch it now, before someone does something unforgivable. The fact that you decided to have a child does not affirm the love. People have children for wrong reasons, all the time. I'm a firm believer in "quality" over "quantity," which is why I shrug when people tell me how long they've been married. It's no excuse to get complacent. To me, the length of a marriage is of very little importance when both are miserable. Not "believing" in divorce is just denial. You don't have to believe in it for it to happen. It only takes one to end a marriage. And your marriage can end, even before anyone leaves. You better call a professional immediately, or every day will bring more acts to forgive.
2006-08-25 10:54:29 · answer #2 · answered by georgia b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're problem is (or at least partially) that you put too much emphasis on the child, making it the prime reason you're together. Try to remember what things it were that made you fall in love and marry in the first place. As people get older, it's natural for the pysical attraction to just go down hill, but most do not marry one another for that alone. I suggest you try to cuddle more... It's great no matter how long you've been together.
Hope this helps...
2006-08-25 10:54:31 · answer #3 · answered by Bush Whacker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping a marriage alive for the sake of one child is wrong. However, I see you two still have salvation since you two have cried and know you're facing hard times. Start doing more stuff with each other (without the son/daughter) and see if that works. You know... like going on dates like you used to when you where younger.
2006-08-25 10:47:49 · answer #4 · answered by Private Account 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to separate. They only way you can truly tell if your truly in love is to see if absence will bring you closer. This will allow a cool down time for the both of you. Or you consider counseling. I would say you both are about to end and its sounds like it is spiraling down fast. Love can be the most painful thing a person can go through. People don't realize that with happiness and love it is just the same as sadness and love. they are one in the same...
2006-08-25 10:54:17 · answer #5 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby, listen to me. It looks to me like you two still love each other very much. I suggest you both get yourselves to a marriage counselor pronto. Don't wait. DO IT RIGHT NOW!!
Don't make a mistake you will regret later. My wife and I have been married for 29 years this Novemeber. Marriage is a major committment and the vows that we take are so sacred. If there are misunderstandings, if it is impossible to talk it out then see a marriage counselor and they will help you two.
I wish you two tons of luck and I know if you take my advice then your marriage WILL be saved.
2006-08-25 10:50:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your husband need some counseling . It will help a lot a little getaway together, if tha's not enough, take some time apart of each other to find out how mouch you miss each other. I did it, and my situation was worse than yours. Our relatioship now is better than ever. That was the only time I could make him loose some weight though.
Give it a try.
Good luck.
2006-08-25 10:55:16 · answer #7 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for having the right attitude and wanting solutions to improve your marriage. They say time heals all wounds but in reality.....it's love that heals all wounds.
If you find yourself drifting apart then change what your doing. Change your routine. Adopt a new way of living and the way you do things. Try doing different things.....explore. Step outside of the box. Then discuss how it was good or bad. It is bound to generate conversation. And maybe you will learn new things about your partner.
Anyways....Good luck.
2006-08-25 12:05:15 · answer #8 · answered by Tony 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IM NOT MARRIED SO IM NOT SURE HOW MUCH ADVISE I CAN GIVE YOU ALTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN IN LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS. FIRST OF ALL YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE. DO YOU KNOW WHY THE TWO OF YOU ARE FEELING THIS WAY. MAYBE THAT IS WHAT NEEDS TO BE DISCUSSED. IM SURE THIS IT SOMETHING THAT'S NORMAL AND CAN BE FIXED IF IT'S SOMETHING YOU BOTH WANT. MAYBE SEEK COUSELING. BUT IF YOU REALLY ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER ANYMORE MAYBE YOU NEED TO END YOUR RELATIONSHIP. A CHILD IS NOT A REASON TO STAY TOGETHER.
2006-08-25 10:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by FRECKLES 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk. Honestly and openly. Without recriminations, without casting blame. Remind yourself and him why you love him.
Counseling is a great idea because an outside source could probably get to the root of the problem more easily than you can yourself since you are so close to it.
2006-08-25 10:52:10 · answer #10 · answered by Saphira 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋