I have found out that my husband has had not one but 2 affairs! And for some reason I can't kick him out!

Question

He's "confessed" to everything after repeatedly lying. We have a long marriage with 2 children and I KNOW I should kick him out, yet for some reason I just can't. I don't know if it's love or that I'm afraid to be on my own. I can't imagine a life without him, but it's killing me to be with him. Why can't I just tell him to go? Can a person ever move past this and make the marriage stronger, like he says we can?

Answer 1

If you both can, then yes. It sounds like you have forgiven him for it, and if you stay together there may well be some things neede worked on. Like him being honest and not cheating again. Best wishes to you.

Answer 2

Once that bond is broken between 2 people there's no going back...He's lied to you....He was intimate with another women...how could you want to be with him again or at all?! It happened to me also and I had 2 kid's and was married at the time for 14 years, totally trusted him and all along he was cheating behind my back... I was scared to death... I had a beautiful home, no job, was taken care of, totally in my comfort zone...It was like he totally disregarded me as a human being...Like I just didn't matter?! My feelings didn't mean a thing... Everything we built together was gone....because he couldn't control himself...Well too bad... If you stay you are showing him that there is no recourse for his actions and he has no respect for you anyway because he has already been cheating so by you letting him get away with it, he will I promise do it again...and don't think he won't with his promises.... and you will always be distrusting him by right....he can't be trusted... I didn't want to live that way and when we split I found out alot more so don't think what you know now is all of it.... these kind of guys are really good at what they do and don't think yours is different, there a dime a dozen... Sorry hun for your pain but your only draggin on the inevitable... It won't work, people seldom stay together long after it comes out....Plus I deserved more then that, I didn't want that kind of a life... and I don't know you but I do know that you don't either.... Move on, you can do it, alot of us have and you will find happiness....also one more thing.. in time your kids will find out and if you stay they won't have any respect for you either and they will become cheaters... believe me the whole seen is bad.... Good luck hun, hold your chin up and let him know you matter....

Answer 3

First an affair will not make you feel better. I know exactly how you feel. It is hard to let go, especially of a long term marriage because it is about more than just the person you are with.

You have built a life together as a couple that involves friends, family, a home, a place in the community, plus sharing your emotions and feelings.

What you are going through is akin to a death. Believe me I had been married for 29 years and then everything ended. My husband is now in a foreign country living with someone else and still tries to act like everything is fine he just doesn't happen to be here.

It is a really scarey thought to be on your own. It is a very scarey thought to let someone you invested so much in go. It is a very scarey thought to think you are going to look down at the 3rd finger of that left hand and it will be bare, but my husband told me all the same stuff (stronger marriage) and for a while it seemed like it was. After a while I seemed to be doing everything wrong and before you know it he had to leave because I just couldn't forgive him (his words not mine). Of course he ran right to the arms of another in an ongoing line of people willing to take my place.

I personally don't think it is possible. I am a very forgiving person but it became a self esteem issue to me. Pretty soon it was like don't I like myself at all? I didn't want him to go, but everytime I looked at him I just felt my heart break again.

So now after telling me he was going for training in this foreign country the training has stopped somehow and he now says he doesn't think he is coming back. Although he has not confirmed a relationship he didn't deny it. He has repeatedly lied and I just can't live like that anymore.

All in all it has not been easy. He left me with a mess, but still even on those days when I inexplicably want to cry I still feel I've done the right thing. I have one child and he took it hard but understood (he is in his 20's). At first he blamed me, but that is because I was here and his dad wasn't. After a while he began to readjust he emotions and now my relationship is much stronger with my son than ever before because we are living in truth with each other.

No matter what see a therapist, but start by yourself first. You need to have some personal time to explore your emotions without your husband there and you need to feel safe.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Although the two of you have been married for a long time, your husband is the type of guy that cant HONOR a marriage, and I am sorry you have dealt with his infidelity.
In all honesty, you staying with your husband is better for the mental welfare of the children as well as their development. I think that the best thing for you to do is sit down with your husband and talk with him about the infidelity. Tell him that you understand that he will never change, but he has to teach the children in an appropriate manner as to the proper role of a male in life. Tell him that he must keep all aspects of his affairs out of the house and not show any part of that life choice to the children. Also tell him that as soon as the youngest child turns 18, he is out and on his own and at that time you want a divorce.
It may be harder on you to do this, but your children will benefit and hopefully things will remain civil in the house until the youngest turns 18.
You might also want to tell him that you don't approve his lifestyle and choices, so he will have to sleep in a seperate bed or even a seperate room. Do not have sex with him anymore because he is putting your health at risk having the affairs.
You can't really trust him if he tells you he will stop having affairs, because he has already lied to you about previously.

Answer 5

This is a very hard situation, you already know the reason you can't let go but I suggest you try your hardest to do so. To not let him go would be giving him the ok to continue to cheat and lie and you deserve better. Find the strength within to tell him enough with the emotional abuse and the strength to start over. Your children will still have the love of both parents and with a little family counseling things will slowly start to get better in the long run you may find yourself happier than you are now... Good luck and god bless!

Answer 6

I don't know I'm married, but my husband has never cheated on me. If he did though he would be gone, the reason I say this is because. My father he cheated on my mother all through out their 21 year marriage and it didn't matter that my mother caught him or that people told her they saw him with another women or that he said he would never do it again. He continued to cheat on her and he had 5 outside kids. Some men can change, but with what I saw growing up I'm not going to wait around long enough for them to finger it out. And don't be like my mother saying I have 5 kids to take care and I can't do it alone. Please he was not thinking about his 5 kids at home while he was out being a whore. So pray on it and ask God to help you, but at the same time don't be a fool for him.

Answer 7

I don't know how you can stand to be in the same house as him. It sounds like you're afraid to be on your own. Get some friends and family to help you out in this rough time. Just kick him out. Everytime you look at him, you must be hurting so badly. Everytime he touches you, how can you not think about who else he was touching. It will hurt in the beginning, but kick him out. It could also be that you don't know what to tell the kids...have someone you trust help you think of what to tell them. Hang in there sweetie..You don't deserve to put up with this.

Answer 8

GIRLFRIEND!!! you need to get some "will power",but don't worry your not alone,I too am apart of this enabling. The more you let go the more he'll think:" screw it, she isn't going to kick me out,I just have to think of a good enough story to at least get her to shut-up". But whats even better is that means what eve rs okay for him is surely good for you. (it also lets him know how it feels) But I'm sure you don't want to keep this crap going on and on so the best thing to do is to either cut his manhood off(Lil) or give him the boot,cuz it doesn't seem like every things working out between you two(that I can gather)but everyone deserves to feel secure with loving their mates,knowing that they are faithful and loved and not betrayed, leaving us in shock,while we cry all the time, wondering who their with and how he is going to make love to them like he does with you,after all those years of molding the bastard the way that you like him and now someone else is going to benefit from it! All the work you put in to making him happy at home. All the slaving over the stove,having kids,laundry,making lunches for work,sacrificing things you want and like to do because of him. NO MORE!!! If we let this go on then in time we will never be respected so it starts with you and me,be strong,get a rebound cuz we are the heart breakers now!

Answer 9

If I were in your shoes I would have been out the door the second he confessed. I couldn't imagine staying with someone or even sleeping with him again after he told me that he's cheated. This is a hard one for you. You just need to sit down and think long and hard about this.

Answer 10

some times u just have 2 let go,if he says he wants 2 work it out then go 4 it u would ad least b giving ur marriage a chance. but it's going 2 take work from the both of u

Answer 11

Honey, after this IT IS NOT going to get better, it was not once, but twice he did it.....for your sake, you should kick him out. Don't be afraid of being alone and raising your children, many women do just well, but you should be happy, that way you will have a real happy family with just you and your kids....and don't worry maybe you will find someone in the long run who is really truthful for you......don't be afraid to make a decision to separate, you will see it is better, not just for you, but for your kids sake and his.....